Road to recovery starts here I hope.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 13
Road to recovery starts here I hope.
Hi everyone, my name is hailey. I am 21 years old and I have two little children that mean everything to me. I've been trying to get sober since last year. The longest I made it was 5 months. I thought I could control my intake and maybe be normal and drink like everyone else. I was wrong. I'm tried of feeling so hopeless,sick and sad. It's like im drowning right now, the alcohol is killing me painfully and slowly. It feels like I have no control I'm not even 24 hours sober and I want to drink ... it's all I think about I crave it. I need help. My son seen me drunk last night and this morning he told me I scared his heart and he said I was acting weird and being mean to gramma. I was I get violent and mean when I'm drinking. I've never laid my hands on my children of course but everyone else I guess I have. And I hurt them with my words even worse. I just want it to stop .. I was laying in the shower today curled in a ball and all I could think about was how badly I wanted all the pain to stop .. I wanted to be dead. I still feel like that .. I just want to be ok. I feel numb.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Hi haily sounds like your in a very dark place. Thank God your 21 and your here asking for help. Although I'm 51 yo I can relate to your story . I too am a mean drunk and am verbally and physically abusive to mom when drinking. I have a 14 yo son who has been watching this since he was 4. The guilt and remorse after drinking and acting out was killing me. I wanted to co it suicide 2 weeks ago and I thank God for giving me courage to be completely honest and reach out for help on this site. So far I have 15 days. You can do this don't give up and forgive yourself so u can get well. Unforgiveness is ad enough on us when directed at others but towards yourself is a death sentence. Honestly I think you would benefit from inpatient detox and maybe some inpatient rehab. You need help with getting the poison out your system. The reason you want to drink right now is ause your going through withdrawl. Go to the er I've done it in the past and boy the physical and mental comfort they provided was awesome. Don't worry about what anybody thinks you need to save your life for your children. Sounds like they are still young you can get it so together that this will all be a faint memory to them. Please get help.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
It's great to meet you Hailey. I'm glad you found us. 
I knew at 21 I was headed for trouble - but unlike you, I kept trying to control the amount I drank. I didn't admit I had no way of stopping once I took that first sip. It's good you are facing the truth about your drinking and seeking help. You don't need it in your life - things will begin to improve once it's out of your system for good. You can do this Hailey. Please stay with us.
I knew at 21 I was headed for trouble - but unlike you, I kept trying to control the amount I drank. I didn't admit I had no way of stopping once I took that first sip. It's good you are facing the truth about your drinking and seeking help. You don't need it in your life - things will begin to improve once it's out of your system for good. You can do this Hailey. Please stay with us.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi! Welcome to sober recovery. I'm glad you found us. Five months sober is a pretty good chunk of time. You can build on that success. What worked, what didn't.
Your kids need you. I know you don't feel so great at the moment but you can and will feel better.
Welcome.
Your kids need you. I know you don't feel so great at the moment but you can and will feel better.
Welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 13
Thank you everyone for the supportive words. I made it to a meeting last night, I went to AA before and those people won't ever let me slip out of their hands. They realize they can't stop me from drinking but they can help me want to stop. My friend called me out of no where after not talking for me whole time out. and he happen to call when i was feeling my worst. He picked me up when I was shaking, sick, mess and sat me beside him a meeting and I started to feel safe right away. They are my family in those rooms and they saved me once and it's time to go at this again. I'm scared oh am I ever. But I want this so bad. It's really nice to hear all the things you guys have said to me you have no idea how much I appreciate all this help. Rehab would be ideal but I can't afford that, I'm thinking detox tomorrow if not meetings everyday. I'm going to fight for my life here. Although I'm feeling as if my world is torn apart I suppose it's up to me to build it back up again. ♡ much love and thank you all so much.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Welcome to SR Hailey. I am glad you are going back to AA and that you reached out to us. You will find a lot of support here. We also have a chatroom and there is a recovery meeting tonight in chat.
I would also encourage you to join the Class of December 2014 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-2014-a.html
You will get get a lot of support from your peers who quit at the same time and are going basically through similar things in early sobriety.
If you are having bad withdrawal symptoms, you really should go to detox or at least the doctor today so they can assess you and give you meds to detox safely (getting off booze can be very dangerous).
Anyway, hang in there, it will get easier and better.
I would also encourage you to join the Class of December 2014 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-2014-a.html
You will get get a lot of support from your peers who quit at the same time and are going basically through similar things in early sobriety.
If you are having bad withdrawal symptoms, you really should go to detox or at least the doctor today so they can assess you and give you meds to detox safely (getting off booze can be very dangerous).
Anyway, hang in there, it will get easier and better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 13
thank you so much. I'm still getting used to the site and figuring out. So far I mostly understand. I'm struggling today with these withdraws. I feel like a zombie. I think I'll go into the doctor and get something to help me out. I hate what addiction has done to me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
I felt like a zombie too in the early days, but everything got better. We need time to heal after all we've done to ourselves. Good idea to see your doctor - glad you went to the meeting.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Welcome, Hailey! I'm so glad you found SR and returned to AA. I'm 42 and am often overwhelmed by my 2 kids, so I absolutely could not imagine dealing with that at your age...and alcohol must make it even harder. You've made some great choices recently. Please stay close to SR and let us know how you're doing. (((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Hi Hailey Get back to AA and if nothing else read a lot here in the beginning. But, the more you post here the more you will learn that there isn't a soul here who doesn't understand what you are typing, and also WHY. You do need face to face support. You do need a plan. But for right now you need us, and we are here.
Get back to AA and if nothing else read a lot here in the beginning. But, the more you post here the more you will learn that there isn't a soul here who doesn't understand what you are typing, and also WHY. You do need face to face support. You do need a plan. But for right now you need us, and we are here.
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