JayEl

I have to tell him I can't drink anymore. Ever! Not in a week, month, first of the year..... EVER! I've played this game. Spent a week in the hospital and went to AA meetings (didn't put any effort in).

Today, after a weekend of drinking, I called in sick and was buying beer by 10. Spent half the day trying to figure out how to hide it but know I just have to tell. Maybe I can get him better informed, regardless I have to do this.

LBrain

just make sure he understands

JayEl

I plan to try but I don't know if that is in my control. He drank before, perhaps too much, and just stopped. Didn't look back, done was done. I think he thinks I should do the same when I'm ready. I think I just have to do this.. Need a plan. That's what I keep reading... Not sure what to reach for.

Soberwolf

Here Jayel http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

OklaBH

Welcome--who is he?

The calling in sick and drinking by 10 a.m.--oh yeah! That was me! You can have a better life! You dont need to wait on "him" or run it past "him" We are here for all the support you need!

Dee74

Welcome JayEl

Buying beer at 10 am is pretty knee deep into a problem. Do you have a plan, above and beyond telling 'him' (your partner I presume?)

D

JayEl

'he' is my husband and better half for more than a decade. He stands by me but really has no concept of this disease. He fully believes I should 'just stop' for a while. Thing is, I did. After having liters of liquid drained from my torso and a week in detox and a month or so on a billion vitamins and supplements. For over a year, I've had a new job, doing well, but drinking again, for months now. It's horrible. No fun, no relaxation, just drink and sleep and cheer myself on because I make dinner or go to work or do some other menial thing that normal people do every day.

JayEl

Right now, No, I don't have a plan and I feel like that's bad news. I don't want to think about it. Just hide. I guess my current plan is to tell him I drank today and decided to hide it... Only not to do so. Feed my daughter, go to bed, get to work in the morning and go forward from there. I know this won't work long term but it will get me through for now.

JayEl

Dee - you know what's bad? I was 'proud' that I made it until 10....

OklaBH

This makes me really really sad. I can hear the upset in your post. I have been there. Just know, little by little it WILL BE OK.

longenough

It has only been 5 days for me, but I had a lot of pressure to quit from my x wife, which fell on deaf ears, a lot of guilt which kept me drinking, but it was when I wanted to quit for myself that I was able to make the first step and feel confident that I will succeed. I think you have to do it for yourself first and then all others around you will benefit, it is easy to judge when they have never been in that situation but don't let that stop you from recovering.

VikingGF

Pretty sure if you're drinking, he probably knows already. Are you ready to commit to stopping for good? Once that's a fact, it won't matter who knows or not. This is all about you, and the decision you make for yourself.

This is COMPLETELY in your control. Really. We are here for you every step along the way.

JayEl

Thanks all. Had brief thoughts of running back out to the store but I'm going to bed instead. Full day one tomorrow. Already worried about day 4 or 5. Just need to focus on tomorrow... Heck just tonight...

JayEl

I struggled so much to tell him. Actually went to bed first then came the massive anxiety. All self centered of course, not crushed about what I'm doing to the family, myself, the risk to my job, etc. I couldn't remember what I did with the plastic bag and receipt from the second beer run. So I got up 'for a cough drop' and didn't see the bag or receipt. Ok, must have taken care of it. Back to bed. Not 5 minutes goes by with dry mouth, pounding heart and cold sweats setting in I got back up. I told him.
He's angry, of course he is. Nobody slept well. He talked to me more this morning. No more beer in the house, ever. Or anything else for that matter. I can tell he's defeated, and I know I won't drink today, but I tried to talk through coming up with a plan and doing something different but I don't know that he thinks there's anything to it besides Just Stop.
I need to not focus on that and understand that, at least for right now, he just doesn't get it. And that's ok, I need to get it.

sprout50

Well, at least you told him. Now you need to work on a plan. Any ideas on what you will do? AA, therapy? You need to do this for yourself.

JayEl

two things I plan on doing are 1) stay close to SR. I know this tool is available to me but I don't know that I've used it for much more than justification and pats on the back. 2). I just dug out my Big Book. Ya know, I've had this thing almost 2 years and never cracked the cover. I bought it at a meeting back in my "look what a good job I'm doing" days. I'm going to get into the book with the hope of being inspired. either to stay sober or understand why I've not gotten much out of AA or.... I don't know, guess I need to open the cover and see what happens.

doggonecarl

If you are just now reading the Big Book, you know why you arent getting anything out of AA. You aren't putting anything into it.

That can change TODAY! Make the decision to quit today. For good. Work the program. Don't make your sobriety contingent on your husband understanding alcoholism. He might not ever get it. Worry about your own understanding of it.

strategery

I would tell him JayEl since additional support is always good. I told my husband and he decided to quit with me. It's been a good thing since he hasn't waivered at all and I would have likely relapsed last week if it hadn't been for him.

sprout50

I agree with Carl. You are only going to get out of AA or the Big Book what you are willing to put in. It's a good start. And if you need, give us an SOS before you drink again.

HenryKrinkle

These sound like some pretty serious health consequences from drinking. Does your husband understand how serious this is?