chloebaby

Like the title say's that what I have done. I have done so many horrible things being drunk all the time the last 2 years. I have destroyed relationships I sneak and I hide. You would think me losing my job and my license in August would of stopped me from this downward spiral my life has become. I found a good man who has been standing by me and he forgives me but really doesn't know the whole truth about things. We work nights and he works the Friday night so I tend to drink then. Well I thought cuz I had some beers last Friday and didn't do anything really that dumb I could drink this past Friday. Well after 6 I decided I would go to the bar. I blacked out for a bit but I do remember falling down a few times. My daughter even though she is 18 was telling me I was on the living room floor crying. I look in the mirror when sobering up a bit and my face looked like I was in a severe accident I also broke off half of my 2 front teeth from falling several times and also my glasses. I know I need help I just really don't know where to begin. I feel sometimes like I just don't care what happens to me anymore. My bf asked if I was drinking. I said no and he told me not to lie to him he knew so I confessed having a few. I just don't know where to begin it's like im used to drinking when im home alone at night. I haven't drank during the week the last couple of months because i switched to nights with my bf but if I don't stop soon I may lose everything. I am scared and just don't know where to start. I know there us an aa meeting by my house this Friday. I admit im scared to go.I just need to realize life would be better without booze. My whole fathers side are alcoholics but I don't blame them. This started slowly after my ex husband left me then just got worse and worse. At one point I was on top of the world now im a broke, toothless and maybe jobless soon. Worst of all I may lose my family. My sister and brother don't talk to me anymore because of things I have said to them drunk. I black out everytime I drink as well. I just feel soooo lost. I am suppose to be at work tonight but I called in...yet again. This time its not because im drinking. I am more ashamed about my face and I lie to my bf and say that they are short of work for me. He is truly a great guy who paid for my dui lawyer and we were only together 3 months at the time. He is probably gonna pay for my teeth too. He and my daughter don't deserve this. Anyway I know I rambled and I hope I made sense.

Gilmer

You made perfect sense, Chloebaby. As a guy told me once, in order to stop, you have to stop. Get ride of any alcohol you have in the house--dump it down the drain. Don't buy more--if it means you have to send somebody else out for errands, so be it. Don't go to bars. Come totally clean with your boyfriend. He sounds like a guy who is willing to help you and support you.

Try AA. Definitely post here whenever you're tempted--day or night. This is a friendly, non-judgmental place, and there is lots of support and encouragement to help you stay sober.

Soberwolf

Welcome to the forum nice to meet you

read this print it off to keep if you want http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

TopEndChick

I hear you CB. Get help ASAP... My heart goes out to you, but that's not what you need. You know what to do! Also as Gilmer said, come here. Great group of other human beings here. Every single one of us on this planet is as valuable as the next, and we all deserve to be happy. Sting taught me that. I believe him!

Stay with us on here, I just got home, 8:30pm. I'll be around for a while tonight.

chloebaby

Thank you for the advice. I am really scared of coming clean. I know I want to stay sober. Drinking was so easy for awhile though. My bf likes to go to his friends parties. He drinks socially but thats it and its not very often. In the summer it was alot. I told him that I either can't go to the parties or that I can't drink at all. I asked him to never ask me if I want a drink either. He now understands that I have a problem but I really do need to come clean about all the lies.

chloebaby

I know what I need to do. I am just scared. He already said im full of drama and he hates drama...but loves me. I want to do this for me though. I know even one drink will set me into a night of a drunken blackout.

chloebaby

Thanks for everyones support. Makes me feel like im not alone anymore :-)

Gilmer

Don't be scared. You know what you need to do--just do it. If you keep dreading it, you'll never act. Just overrule your fear and blurt it out! It will be as if an anvil was lifted from your chest!

TopEndChick

Cliche alert: One is too many, and a thousand is never enough.

Once you get some steps started and some plans in place then it's not so scary. Make an appointment. One thing at a time, one foot in front of the other. We'll be here.

HMS

CB, I haven't left the forums since I joined 24 hours ago.. I mean other than to sleep for a bit... This place has been a god send in helping me realize just what it helped you realize. That we are not alone. I messed up my life pretty bad Thursday night. There is plenty of good support here. Like they told me, Not even one drink, don't start with the one. That's the hardest step but the best one so far for me. Stay on here and drain the rest of the booze in the house.

D

chloebaby

Thanks I know I have to stay strong. No booze is in my house ever at all as it would of been drank until I passed out. It's my mind that's driving me crazy it's like it rationalizes drinking. It has already had me thinking that a few would make me feel better and forget about stuff. I know that if I do I will just create more problems and I don't want that :-( I think I need a new job as well. I sit on my ass looking through a microscope but I am just not happy doing that I fall asleep all night. I used to be a supervisor but stress was way to much.

chloebaby

HMS I hear ya. I have done some pretty bad things in the last few years. I am not really sure how to deal with the guilt I just know I can't drink it away anymore.

chloebaby

Where do I get the big book?

AdmimalBlueEyes

I only got 20 days under my belt , but I'm sure of the following things , you have to be brutaly honest about your drinking with both your daughter and you , your bf , and your daughter, life is much better without alcohol ( I'm 100% sure on this one ) lastly you can quit , it seems you havnt reached the finall stages in which you drink all day everyday ,

Good luck to you , remember to take it one drink at a time

chloebaby

I used to drink everyday until the last 2 months. My daughter know's everything. Last weekend she saw beer in the fridge and she ran to it and wouldn't let me in it. She right now doesn't believe me when I say no more drinking so im really hoping i don't let her down....yet again. She just never tells my bf anything. It's him who I have to really come clean with and he may leave me.....even though I don't remember things in my blackouts there are still the mornings when I woke up. This was before we lived together. Honestly if we didn't I would still be drinking everyday.

chloebaby

Thank you everyone for your advice. It really helps.

Hawks

If you could drink all day every day, that would be easier to quit drinking actually. Anyone who could pace themselves like that is in trouble with booze, but probably not alcoholic.

Alcoholic folk tend to drink hard and fast, black out, pass out, do dumb stuff and then swear off booze, make it a day or 2 or 3, then repeat the cycle.

Bender drinking if you like.

TopEndChick

I bought my big book in Alice Springs in 2007.

Get it. I don't attend AA for various reasons but the book has helped me a lot.

I have many quotes, but this is my current fave

Pg 272, 4th Edition - From a Doctor '...most of the alcoholics he had encountered had better than average minds or abilities. He said the alcoholics seemed to possess a native acuteness and usually excelled in their fields, regardless of environmental or educational advantages. 'We watch the alcoholic performing in a position of responsibility, and we know that because he is drinking heavily and daily, he has cut his capacities by 50%, and still he seems able to do a satisfactory job. And we wonder how much further this man could go if his alcoholic problem could be removed and he could throw 100% of his abilities into action.'

TopEndChick

I bought mine at a meeting, but...

Alcoholics Anonymous - Big Book : Aa Services : 9781893007161

sprout50

Chloe, the best thing I did was come right out and say to my husband, I am an alcoholic and need help. Let's face it, people know even if they don't say anything. It was actually freeing! It also creates a support system and accountability for yourself.

You know you can't go on like this. But you don't have to do it alone. We are here for you.