Anna

I'm glad that you're back, but I do think it's important to figure out what happened to cause you to pick up a drink after two months. By doing that, hopefully you can avoid that again in the future. Don't let this keep you down, but instead respect the disease.

EndGameNYC

You posted a fairly compelling reason for your relapse before you picked up the drink. You also commented on sexual malfunction in a later thread. From the earlier thread:

I'm no hero...I got sober only after losing my ability to care for myself. Even the two-blocks walk to the liquor store and back was exhausting. I took the path of least resistance to get myself back on my feet again so that I could resume my drinking -- going through the motions of detox, rehab, IOP and then regular OP, AA every day for about seven months. I needed the time to "recover" and regroup since I'd thoroughly destroyed myself while drinking. Though it appeared from the outside looking in that I was working hard to get sober, my "plan"/fantasy was to resume drinking as I did before I stopped functioning.

In my case, even a plan based on bad faith worked out well. No plan at all would have ended in disaster for me. We never know what we're capable of until we actually risk doing what we set out to achieve, even when the outcome is dramatically different from what we imagined.

Xtreem

It may not be my place to say ---- but,

I don't like that way of looking at it at all.

I guess I could just start drinking again and until the day I die (which knowing me and how I drank wouldn't be that long) I could just tell people I have 29+ years of sobriety?

No I don't. - for ME, I have to start over. I don't want to go around giving people a false impression. If I want 1 year of sobriety I need to stay sober 365 consecutive days - not 365 days out of the next 20 years.

Again, this really is just my opinion. Of course, not one has to do it that way or agree...just wanted to get it out there ;-)

ReadyAtLast

Welcome back-the fact you are back is the most important thing. I used to get sober for a few weeks,think I'd got it sorted then drank again. For me now, the key issues in staying sober are firslty knowing that the feelings and cravings do and will arise (though they lessen over time). Secondly, it is learning how to deal with them and understanding that they will pass. As each time passes you will get stronger and feel more able to deal with it next time - building sober muscles, as Dee says

Conquest

Drank last night and back here today? That's some serious resilience, friend! Be kind to yourself. You're smarter and stronger because of it. Big hugs

Alynn

Your right. I can see both sides really. I'm just feeling so bad right now about it all. I'll feel better and stronger with some days behind me.

fini

yes, the important thing is coming back and going forward.
but it's not the only important thing.
it's important ,if you're counting, to think about why and how, and how that counting relates to what you're going for: if you are looking for continuous sobriety, then that is over and you'll need to start again. if you're going for a better ratio, then subtracting a day of drinking here and there makes sense for that scenario.
other than that, playing around with numbers is just fooling ourselves.
i have a journal from years ago where i didn't subtract but kept track and desperately compared my various short periods, trying to get comfort from the fact that 13 days was much much better than the six i managed a few weeks before that.

you didn't think it could happen. hm...or it only happened to others, maybe, for some reason...worth thinking about, this....so, in a way, it's a good thing it happened. it gives you a good chance at knowing yourself better than you did on friday. gives you a shot at re-grouping and seeing what you couldn't see before.

hope you take it, and stick around.

Xtreem

Geez - I really really don't want you to feel bad and hope I didn't do anything to add to that.

A person having a relapse does not make them any less of a wonderful human being that God chose to be here and have a full life. it just means they relapsed.

Please view yourself as a child of God (which by the way makes us Princes and Princess) if he is a King ;-)

I'm sure you may be better at those (above) realization than me, just saying.

I don't want to make light of a relapse or beat someone over the head that does. It happen, move on. it does not define you, don't let it.

I was just simply giving my view on how we count sober days - consecutively

Not a big deal - just do one day at a time a bunch of days in a row - haha

JanieJ

You got straight back on the horse, CNY, and learned a valuable lesson.

Took me about 30 years to learn that lesson, so if you want to talk numbers, you're doing pretty well in my eyes.

biminiblue

I hope you take a look at those issues that were/are bothering you and decide to take a stand on them. Sitting on the fence is where alcohol seems most appealing.

LexieCat

I'm with Xtreem on this. Sober days before a relapse aren't "lost"--you had them, and hopefully you learned from them things that will support your future sobriety. But knowing my own propensity for rationalization, to resume the counting from where I left off would be just another bit of denial and dishonesty with myself. It also would be misleading to others who might be deprived of the benefit of my experience with the relapse.

I know people who have had to restart the clock after 10 or 15 years of sobriety. They were very brave, and I respected their honesty.

ArtFriend

I wonder if it would help to not fixate on time elapsed. Treat each day as a day 1 and get through that day. Tomorrow is another day 1.

OklaBH

Ok...so my question is...he drank, came back, he' sorry etcc. He realizes his error. But the 2 months are like chalk erased from a chalk board? I understand you cant string together sober days if you chose to be a "weekend drinker" or "just have a night cap" That obviously isnt trying to stay sober/avoid alcohol. To me the two months he was sober, considering everything he is going through, is more important than last night. I think its why people (like me) give up after a relapse or quit participating in recovery all together. I know I cant drink anymore. But, for YEARS it was the only life preserver I felt I had when things were terrible.

Anyhow, sorry you drank and glad you are back!

CNY46ER

Figured something out. Leaving work to go home is a trigger. Suggestions on this please.

JaylaaKent

Try not to focus too much on time - counting days is like doing time. People have years and relapse, so counting days is just setting yourself up. I also think there is a difference between a "slip" and "relapse". After my third slip, relapse whatever you want to call it, I quit counting days/time. I do have a sober app on my phone, but I don't look at it very often. I figure since I'm not drinking what difference does it make how many days I have? I'm not drinking today and probably not tomorrow - so counting days has lost it's meaning to me. Actually this has helped me stay sober because I was "grading" myself, my recovery on a number. Sobriety is a way of life for me now, and it is definitely better than my old way. Be glad you came back after drinking for only one day - some people take months or years (I did).

biminiblue

Habit.

Take another route. Join a gym or go to the library.

Habits have to be broken. Simple, not easy.

OklaBH

I had to take another route and changed my leave time. It doesn't bother me now

Fly N Buy

For some of us it took many attempts to get to the point of above all wanting sobriety. If I am an alcoholic and have a bad day, then I am an alcoholic having a bad day.

If I am an alcoholic and have a good day......Well, you get the idea.

I do not judge anyone who relapses, my entire life was a relapse until last several months.

I had to get to that sick and tired place, willingness and desire above everything to make this work. The world record for sobriety is 24 hours - all we get is a daily reprieve - one day at a time.

Make a plan, go to meetings if you desire them ( helps me a lot ) but one must fight through and change.

Kind Regards,
FlyN

PurpleKnight

You can do this!! Tweak your plan and go at it again!!

Dee74

Staying sobers not easy but it's not impossible either

Now you know that relapse is possible, use that - look at what you were doing for your recovery...accept you need more... and beef it up.

The more you put into your recovery the more you'll get out of it, I promise

D