New here and ready to change
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2
New here and ready to change
After a second DWI (last was 15 years ago) last weekend I am here today with a goal to not drink anymore. I let my family down and have been so selfish and immature and know things MUST change. Luckily nobody was injured and I didn't crash, but I am definitely in for a long road to get through this, and to get past the anger and fear that my wife has.
I was a mostly daily (4/5 days of 7) beer drinker (2-3 on weeknights) but would often binge on weekends on or weekend nights when I (or my wife and I) would be going out somewhere. The incident last weekend was really bad and a semi-blackout situation. I spent the night in jail and had a lot of time to think and realize what I've done, and what needs to change.
I have 3 children (8-6) that luckily don't know what happened. It's most likely that I will have to have an interlock device on my car which will obviously require an explanation from mommy and daddy about what daddy has on his car, and that this is a private thing for our family. That along with avoiding any instances of having to drive other people around are a few of the things I'm worrying about now.
I'm embarrassed and simply not ready for friends and family to know yet. Some friends do know (best friend, and a few of the wife's friends) but I am not going around telling everybody I talk to.
Luckily I haven't had a drink this week, and haven't really even had the desire to. I think the reality of what I did is so much greater than any urge I have to drink, which is keeping me from even worrying about it. It does't hurt that I'd worry about disappointing my wife even more if I did.
What I worry about the road ahead is being in and dealing with situations where people will be drinking. Holiday parties that we're invited to that our friends are having, a new years party that we're supposed to have, going out with my wife (social drinker) to see a band and still having fun.
Sure one could say that simply avoiding those situations is the best solution, but I don't think that's fair to my wife and don't want her life to become boring because of my problem. I am really hoping that when that time comes that I can be in a place to appreciate NOT drinking more than wanting to have a drink to "have more fun".
Anyway, I have seen a few good posts on here in the few hours I have been looking at so far, and am sure that I will get a lot more from this going forward. I just wanted to say hi and am hoping that I can find somebody else that has been in my situation that can relate to what I have to face in the coming year.
Thanks in advance!
I was a mostly daily (4/5 days of 7) beer drinker (2-3 on weeknights) but would often binge on weekends on or weekend nights when I (or my wife and I) would be going out somewhere. The incident last weekend was really bad and a semi-blackout situation. I spent the night in jail and had a lot of time to think and realize what I've done, and what needs to change.
I have 3 children (8-6) that luckily don't know what happened. It's most likely that I will have to have an interlock device on my car which will obviously require an explanation from mommy and daddy about what daddy has on his car, and that this is a private thing for our family. That along with avoiding any instances of having to drive other people around are a few of the things I'm worrying about now.
I'm embarrassed and simply not ready for friends and family to know yet. Some friends do know (best friend, and a few of the wife's friends) but I am not going around telling everybody I talk to.
Luckily I haven't had a drink this week, and haven't really even had the desire to. I think the reality of what I did is so much greater than any urge I have to drink, which is keeping me from even worrying about it. It does't hurt that I'd worry about disappointing my wife even more if I did.
What I worry about the road ahead is being in and dealing with situations where people will be drinking. Holiday parties that we're invited to that our friends are having, a new years party that we're supposed to have, going out with my wife (social drinker) to see a band and still having fun.
Sure one could say that simply avoiding those situations is the best solution, but I don't think that's fair to my wife and don't want her life to become boring because of my problem. I am really hoping that when that time comes that I can be in a place to appreciate NOT drinking more than wanting to have a drink to "have more fun".
Anyway, I have seen a few good posts on here in the few hours I have been looking at so far, and am sure that I will get a lot more from this going forward. I just wanted to say hi and am hoping that I can find somebody else that has been in my situation that can relate to what I have to face in the coming year.
Thanks in advance!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northern Australia
Posts: 197
Hi ak3.
I scared myself sober 2 weeks ago, and because this incident was on my mind, I had little trouble abstaining for 12 days. Then I was feeling so good I got complacent 2 nights ago and drank alone at home to 'celebrate' my fantastic week. Yesterday I surrounded myself with drinkers and said to myself, I'll just drink coffee and water. All very well until I got my first beer 3 hours later. I could see and smell the alcohol, and my friends getting merrier as the afternoon wore on. I wanted a piece of that.
Another miserable night and here I am back to day 1.
I really have to avoid situations where people are drinking, and am going to resume medication for cravings. Best of luck to you, see you around SR.
Originally Posted by ak3 
What I worry about the road ahead is being in and dealing with situations where people will be drinking. Holiday parties that we're invited to that our friends are having, a new years party that we're supposed to have, going out with my wife (social drinker) to see a band and still having fun.
Sure one could say that simply avoiding those situations is the best solution, but I don't think that's fair to my wife and don't want her life to become boring because of my problem. I am really hoping that when that time comes that I can be in a place to appreciate NOT drinking more than wanting to have a drink to "have more fun".
Sure one could say that simply avoiding those situations is the best solution, but I don't think that's fair to my wife and don't want her life to become boring because of my problem. I am really hoping that when that time comes that I can be in a place to appreciate NOT drinking more than wanting to have a drink to "have more fun".
Another miserable night and here I am back to day 1.
I really have to avoid situations where people are drinking, and am going to resume medication for cravings. Best of luck to you, see you around SR.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 26
I got sober in September, and my sponsor gave me a list of holiday survival tactics.
Some things on that list I still practice all these one-day-at-a-times later are
Taking my own car so that I can leave when it is time to leave
Having phone numbers of people in AA I can call in the event I can't reach my sponsor
Keeping a cache of mints, gum, hard candies on hand at all times
Practicing new catch phrases like "No thank you!" and "I'd love a ginger ale please!"
Making sure to eat before going out.
Picking and choosing where I go and opting out when it is appropriate for me to do so, that includes family gatherings by the way.
Deciding before hand how long I will stay and sticking with an agenda.
And while these are all great suggestions, I hope you noticed the word "sponsor." I highly suggest getting one and staying in today helps too.
Some things on that list I still practice all these one-day-at-a-times later are
Taking my own car so that I can leave when it is time to leave
Having phone numbers of people in AA I can call in the event I can't reach my sponsor
Keeping a cache of mints, gum, hard candies on hand at all times
Practicing new catch phrases like "No thank you!" and "I'd love a ginger ale please!"
Making sure to eat before going out.
Picking and choosing where I go and opting out when it is appropriate for me to do so, that includes family gatherings by the way.
Deciding before hand how long I will stay and sticking with an agenda.
And while these are all great suggestions, I hope you noticed the word "sponsor." I highly suggest getting one and staying in today helps too.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life!
Social situations aren't really difficult to navigate sober, but they might seem awkward for a while. I was accustomed to drinking in normal drinking situations, so it seemed strange when I wasn't. But only at first. Now that I have experienced all of these social drinking situations and remained sober, NOT drinking is the new normal and I don't really have to think about it much.
Like Trachemys pointed out - if you've committed to living sober, then it won't really matter what the other people around you are doing.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Social situations aren't really difficult to navigate sober, but they might seem awkward for a while. I was accustomed to drinking in normal drinking situations, so it seemed strange when I wasn't. But only at first. Now that I have experienced all of these social drinking situations and remained sober, NOT drinking is the new normal and I don't really have to think about it much.
Like Trachemys pointed out - if you've committed to living sober, then it won't really matter what the other people around you are doing.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome ak3! It's good to have you with us. It's time for you to formulate a plan. Eventually the fear and shame of the last DUI will wear off so you need more than fear and shame to keep you sober. But you've taken the first step, and that's admitting that change is necessary.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
oh man DUI's suck!!!! bascially anyone who drinks outside of their home is asking for a problem. Public intox, APC, DUI, DWI alcohol is to unsafe. I am so sorry. There is a silver lining to everything. You know you cant drink. So now what to do to stop? You made a wise decision posting here! I know you can do it!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
"I have 3 children (8-6) that luckily don't know what happened. It's most likely that I will have to have an interlock device on my car which will obviously require an explanation from mommy and daddy about what daddy has on his car, and that this is a private thing for our family. That along with avoiding any instances of having to drive other people around are a few of the things I'm worrying about now."
Hi, they may not know what happened yet but they soon will as children at an early age learn by watching and listening. Many in AA speak of never wanting to be like an alcoholic parent but are.
Getting sober and staying sober is a top priority undertaking, before the job, family children and on and on. The reason is because if we are not there is an excellent chance we will lose all that and more.
Something else for a foundation for our self is to be honest with our self about our drinking and accept the fact we cannot drink in safety.
BE WELL
Hi, they may not know what happened yet but they soon will as children at an early age learn by watching and listening. Many in AA speak of never wanting to be like an alcoholic parent but are.
Getting sober and staying sober is a top priority undertaking, before the job, family children and on and on. The reason is because if we are not there is an excellent chance we will lose all that and more.
Something else for a foundation for our self is to be honest with our self about our drinking and accept the fact we cannot drink in safety.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 42
every social situation you expose yourself to without drinking will build your confidence. You WILL get to a point where you realize "I had a really good time tonight and I didn't even drink!" You will wake up in the morning feeling awesome and remembering every conversation. Over time the idea that life has much more to offer you without alcohol will click. Most importantly look at this way of life as FREEDOM....not deprivation Shutting yourself in the house because you "can't drink" is really cheating yourself out of life. My husband family and friends all drink and they don't think I'm boring. There is nothing like experiencing true pure joy and laughter that is funny simply because it is fun and not because you are silly drunk. Also, accept that some social situations are just boring by nature. I used to always reach for a drink in boring situations to make them more bearable. Learn to endure such times.
I feel no need to count days....works for many people but for me that seems like I am saying someday I will drink again. Enjoy the freedom and amazing feeling that eliminating something so negative from your life brings. good luck to you.
I feel no need to count days....works for many people but for me that seems like I am saying someday I will drink again. Enjoy the freedom and amazing feeling that eliminating something so negative from your life brings. good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
Welcome to SR. In early sobriety, we often have to stay away from triggers-parties etc....You may think that is not fair to your wife but which would she rather have-a night at a party where you could fall of the wagon or you at home sober and recovering? Eventually, you will be able tto go out and abstain but in the beginning, especially at the holidays, I would be cautious.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Welcome to SR. You have to make the choice for you. You can control no one but yourself. My husband still drinks every night. I have no desire to join him. It can be tricky, but you can do it. Just make up your mind, not to take the first drink, no matter what. As time passes it will be easier. You have been given some good advice, but bottom line is that it is your decision. You got this. We are all here for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Welcome, and I'm sorry for your situation, but you can get through this.
For me, I could not be around alcohol and people drinking alcohol. I might get through the evening, but the next morning I'd be out buying wine. I had to stay away from those situations for many months.
For me, I could not be around alcohol and people drinking alcohol. I might get through the evening, but the next morning I'd be out buying wine. I had to stay away from those situations for many months.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 223
A DUI was my bottom last May. I have been sober since. For me, I decided to pour myself into AA and utilize as many tools to work on myself as possible. I am on this forum daily, I get acupuncture to deal with stress and I am open and honest with my close friends and family members about what I am going through. I have gone to many functions where there is alcohol and it feels good knowing I'm not going to embarrass myself or have to worry about drinking too much. My loved ones are proud of me and those that aren't are usually people that have a drinking problem themself. You are making a positive life change! Who can give you a hard time for that? I wish you well! Keep coming back!
I have an ignition interlock and it sucks but I'm getting through it! 2 months behind me and 4 to go!
I have an ignition interlock and it sucks but I'm getting through it! 2 months behind me and 4 to go!
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