Question
 

This might be a dumb question.
But many of us have blackouts and turn into monsters from hell.
I do for sure. Why? Is it the alcohol clouding our brains and doing something, or is it deep seated anger that just comes to the surface. Or maybe both.
It seems like it happens to almost everyone during a blackout, I've never heard
" so and so is really great and fun during a blackout, so lovely to be around"

I read this:

http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...-2/186-196.htm

The inability to form new memories once a certain amount of alcohol is consumed. I've never had a total blackout, more of a brown out, where I could remember if I thought about it or had assistance. And man is it nice to not have to worry about that anymore!!!

Not a stupid question, btw. It is good to educate yourself and see the scary things that alcohol can do.

My last blackout was when I got drunk at a party and drove home.

In the morning jumped out of bed to see if my car was on the drive. Still can't remember driving home. I could have killed somebody and not know a thing about it :(

Thank God that's over .

Love the fairy lights, Bodhi !

Hi there,

It's almost like a dream state for me. Definitely deep seated anger. My inner prat really likes it. :=]

I didn't start blacking out until the end. It phased me but not enough to quit. I was told it was because my tolerance had gone way way down. Basically I had done so much damage I had no tolerance for alcohol anymore. Looking back, that should have scared me straight!

My blackouts also came during the end, actually just the last little while. I don't remember a single thing. Except the last time I snapped out of it and was dead sober, it was really weird.
I have become too frightened of what I'll do during them, my behaviour was getting worse too, escalating.

@janiej. I thought the lights were cute too :)

I wonder if that's what happened to me too. Because I was blacking out EVERYTIME, even with less alcohol than I used to drink.

More than likely. Geez the fun we had ! Such a waste

There seems to be three views on this.

First, that alcohol is responsible for "clouding" the brain and producing "the monster from hell". The effect of alcohol directly creates Mr. Hyde.

The second view is that the monster is always there but that alcohol allows Mr. (or Ms.) Hyde to escape and temporarily be seen.

Third is the view that Mr. Hyde is always present, but that alcohol makes the monster even worse.

I tend to believe the reality is somewhere between the second and third view (depending on the individual).

"To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light".
C.G.Jung

This is because the shadow is most dangerous when unseen.

My blackouts came at the end, too and they were so scary. To think there are things you've done of which you have no recollection.

The Shadow side
 

I can become really mean when I have been drinking and it has usually been over something I am angry about when I am not drinking...but the alcohol escalates and exaggerates my feelings.

I have had blackouts as well and when I find out about my behavior, I feel terribly ashamed....mortified, in fact.

So, I am trying to take a look at the anger from a sober perspective so that I can handle this emotion constructively. Wow, is that tough because I never knew how angry I have been.

I am grateful to read about this topic.

Yes, I do become overly mean about things that are upsetting me when sober, then the blackout psycho comes out. Like you I didn't realize I was that angry.
I don't scream or throw things, but I become verbally mean. And I feel so ashamed of the things I said and did.
Luckily I can't remember a thing!!!! Jk, bad joke.

Hello Jsbodhi,
The blackouts are to remind you of how powerful a poison alcohols really is.....cunning, baffling, and very patient. Remember alcoholism is a progressive disease. The damage we do to our brains and our bodies, only gets worse, if we continue to drink, until it takes our life. The blackouts are a warning. Sobriety will allow you to let go of the shame, and the guilt, and remember everything you did.

Hi Jsbodhi, I've been enjoying your other posts today so I thought I'd read this one when I saw it pop up.

I also was a Jekyll/Hyde when blackout drunk. And those blackouts came at the end of my drinking (last year or so) and happened almost every single time I drank. Same as you and Okla, I was consuming less and less, getting drunk faster and faster, and blacking out immediately.

It took me awhile to believe that I was actually as mean and awful as people were telling me I was (I sure couldn't remember). Wasn't I always the happy drunk? The intellectual drunk? But an incoherent, raging, borderline homicidal maniac? Never!

My partner at the time (who got the brunt of these rages) actually filmed me one night and showed me the next day. It was truly the most awful thing I have seen about myself. Ever. It should have scared me more than it did but it took another six months, and several more very damaged relationships, until I stopped.

But yes, there was PT 1 and PT 2. When I drank in the end, I never knew who was going to come out.

As to whether that's the alcohol or you...I agree that it's probably a little of both. In therapy after I quit drinking I have discovered I am pretty angry about a lot of things that I had no idea I was so angry about. Throwing wine on those issues, however, certainly morphed them into things they were not. And cost me dearly.

Anyway, great topic, thanks for posting, and so glad you're here. You're doing great, hang in there. Hugs.

Oh!!! Thanks for replying! I also got filmed by my boyfriend during a blackout
( maybe you already read that) I wasn't believing what I was being told either, I kinda thought he was exaggerating for effect. Then I saw the film....... Not pretty. I looked like something from the undead, blank dead eyes, weird voice. :firedevil
And thank you for the well wishes <3 same to you!

I thought it was you who also posted about being filmed but couldn't remember and didn't want to guess at that sort of thing.

Yes, undead, scary. The eyes...didn't even look like me. Or the "me" I was familiar with. My boyfriend was also an alcoholic so I had added incentive not to believe him but, as they say, the camera don't lie. Dear Lord what an awful time that was. I can finally look back on it without cringing but I definitely am in no hurry (EVER) to repeat my on-screen alcoholic moments again.

I actually erased that horrible little clip of me, now I wish I still had it, it would be good in case of wanting to relapse! Like you I'm in no hurry to repeat that kind of incident, it also didn't look like "me", super weird.
Though he probably saved me by showing me.
Thanks for chiming in on my topic and talk later!!! xoxo

Blackouts scare the heck out of me. I started blacking out and didn't even realize it. I also got to the point where smaller amounts led to blackouts as well as the time frame in which I blacked out was much faster. For example last night I relapsed after 60+ days I had 4 beers in 2 hours and don't remember anything after an hour and a half. Scary.