Wobble, and realisation...
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Wobble, and realisation...
So - last night, on the way home from band practice, I stopped in at the shop to buy some ice cream.
Oh, there's the wine aisle...oh, they've got Blossom Hill on offer...oh, that would be nice...well one glass wouldn't hurt, all this sobriety stuff is rubbish anyway...perhaps I' ll stop going to AA.... I can drink if I want to...
I had this kind of...gnawing, pulling feeling...I could feel it in my body as well as my mind...my hand wanted to reach out and get a bottle..all along my nerve endings it was there, from brain to fingertips....like a current...I stood there for a while...
And it was then that I knew, 100%, for sure. I am an alcoholic. Because if I wasn't, after 48 days of sobriety, I just wouldn't be bothered. The same way I wouldn't be bothered about buying peanuts or something...
But I was. Very bothered. My AV couldn't argue that one, the evidence was too strong. it was like a lid being put on a water butt, it was 99% full before but now it has been topped off and the water can't get out any more.
I bought the ice cream and got out of there.
I'm grateful for that experience, and suddenly the first half of the first AA step makes sense to me. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol....."
Yeah. That's about right.
Oh, there's the wine aisle...oh, they've got Blossom Hill on offer...oh, that would be nice...well one glass wouldn't hurt, all this sobriety stuff is rubbish anyway...perhaps I' ll stop going to AA.... I can drink if I want to...
I had this kind of...gnawing, pulling feeling...I could feel it in my body as well as my mind...my hand wanted to reach out and get a bottle..all along my nerve endings it was there, from brain to fingertips....like a current...I stood there for a while...
And it was then that I knew, 100%, for sure. I am an alcoholic. Because if I wasn't, after 48 days of sobriety, I just wouldn't be bothered. The same way I wouldn't be bothered about buying peanuts or something...
But I was. Very bothered. My AV couldn't argue that one, the evidence was too strong. it was like a lid being put on a water butt, it was 99% full before but now it has been topped off and the water can't get out any more.
I bought the ice cream and got out of there.
I'm grateful for that experience, and suddenly the first half of the first AA step makes sense to me. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol....."
Yeah. That's about right.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by Erratic 
Thanks for this post it helps to know that other people is going through same thing and conquered the AV. Xx
I felt fear mostly, and disbelief that my carefully constructed control system can be so easily destroyed by a glass bottle with some liquid in it ! Just goes to show we have to be vigilant and accept what a powerful force this is, I guess.
It wasn't so much conquering -it was a mad fearful rush out of the shop clutching my ice cream for dear life!
Guess that's an escape plan of sorts !
Ben and Jerry's, such a lifesaver
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