ArtFriend

you lost me ....sorry my synapses aren't firing right

Anna

AF, I am sending you virtual hugs and good wishes for Thanksgiving.

Holidays are full of expectations and it's very hard to get through sometimes. By the way, I have an aunt like you do who blames me for things, so I send cards but don't communicate otherwise. I have judged myself enough, I don't need someone else to do it for me.

ArtFriend

Yeah... It is a continual issue that won't resolve. A little back story - mom was the only one of her family of 8 kids to move out of this little farm town in MN. She left the night she graduated HS in 1945 and never moved back. She went to Chicago, met my dad who was from Michigan and lived in MI the rest of her life. When she started to fail physically 2 years ago, I moved her in with me here in Dallas. I work from home and have a huge house (5 bedrooms) so it made sense. The MN folks got their nose outta joint claiming she should have gone there for her end days. Not one of her family members visited all the while she was here...not even when she was in the hospital for over 2 months. So, she died, and I cremated her per her request. I still have her ashes with me. They think she never should have been cremated, she should have been shipped to MN and had a "proper funeral" and been buried in the church yard.

2 year after her death it is still an issue.

ArtFriend

Thanks Anna..great point about self judgment. That is why it is so hard when others do it. Compounds the issue ten fold it seems

Weasel1966

You said you dont see SR folks as strange. Never mind Just trying to be supportive.

My cats are Henry and Chuckie. They have never had tuna.

K

Serenidad

Hi ArtFriend, if we lived closer to each I'd come hang with you. At least your not hanging out with a bunch of drunk people right now at your in-laws! It's times like this that you realize it's possible to be lonely in a room full of people....drunk people! Ugh!

(((Hug)))

ArtFriend

Gotcha... well, I normally don't give my cats tuna, esp white albacore, but today is special. I am having a Turkey Tetrazinni frozen dinner. yes, I will nuke it first.

ArtFriend

Thanks Serenidad... you are a sweetie. Yeah, major alcoholism there in my family in MN. I am sure half to 3/4 of them are blitzed right now.

Mark1014

Family things like that are so very tough. From an outsider's perspective it would seem that the extended family has really made the issue about them, not your mom. I would think your mom may not appreciate their handling of this...especially after two years.

I want to encourage you, especially today,to take comfort in the fact that YOU were there for your mom at a time in her life when no one else was. As we say here in Dixie, 'You done good!'.

ArtFriend

Thank you! I know I did the right thing. My mom wanted to be with me in Dallas not in MN and I think that made them angry. And I think their guilt over doing nothing has also made them lash out at me. Easier to be mad than introspective I guess. Yes, my mom would not like this one bit! But, there was a reason she moved away from those people all those years back...now I understand.

Hevyn

Glad you posted AF. You're never alone & there's always someone around to listen and understand.

MythOfSisyphus

I hope your TG is going well by now! I guess the Bears didn't help you out any! I'm spending mine with family but I have to do the cooking (occupation hazard since I'm a chef). At least you can drop in to SR anytime!


Hugs to you, too, Leshar! I'm sorry that you will be having a lonely holiday. Same applies, you have us! I will be dropping in off and on throughout the day.

Years ago I lived in this town by myself, and I frequently spent holidays alone. Back then I probably just got drunk but I've always been fine alone.

What will you be doing for Xmas? Might be time to plan ahead. Maybe look for a place to volunteer or consider finding a group of like-minded folks with no family?

I wish you both well on the this Thanksgiving!

ArtFriend

Thank you Myth - yep, the Lions won (yay). But now the Cowboys are losing big time (boo). If life was simply about football, eh? Thank you for your support... onward thru the fog!

MythOfSisyphus

My favorite team is...whoever is playing against the Cowgirls!

Marcher13

Hi ArtFriend, we don't do TG in Australia either, it's Friday here and late spring so it's pretty hot. If I was in the US I'd love to be eating TG with you -- I like small numbers!

I'm sending this from our tiny little art shop.

ArtFriend

Thank you all for your kind words!! Really. It means a lot. I am always so amazed at how kind "strangers" (and I mean that in the best way) are when my own family could not be bothered.

I am watching a movie with my blind kitty on my lap. Her name is Katie and she is a love. Like you all!

Ruby2

Hi AF, checking in a whole lot later than your first post. The Bears blowout should have cheered you a little. I should have been rooting for them but they are so terrible that I can't.

Families are a mixed bag. Sometimes you just have to shake your head. You did what your mom wanted, not what her family wanted. Doing what your mom wanted was far more important. I just read an advice column written about much the same thing. Husband didn't want a wake or a funeral and the extended family was bugging the heck out of the wife. Columnist said do what husband wants. And really, death is so personal. You honored your mother as she wished.

I hope you are feeling better. I did go to an AA meeting this morning and felt awesome afterwards. Do you have a regular group that you go to? It helps me that I have a bunch of buddies to see on the weekend mornings. It took a while to develop but slowly it did.

Talk to you later.

wackybunny

Sad about the family not being supportive. I must say that after two funerals (my dad and my uncle) I stopped speaking to my grandparents. It was the oddest thing. I would have thought at a time like that we come together in love and support but instead there was this strange drama/control/mean vibe (directed at my brother and then my cousins). Maybe they were crazed with grief (and guilt because they had been abusive parents) but whatever the reason it was hard to overlook the hurtful things they said to those I loved. Since I'd never had a real relationship with them I decided to stick to the family who brought good to my life and quietly drift away from the negative.