Trying to remember God is in control...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 223
Trying to remember God is in control...
I'm feeling really hopeless tonight. I just went to probation and every time I go there I leave feeling like total crap. I really wanted to get into a 9 month faith based program in South Florida that would help me gain a completely new way of life but I can't enter until my probation is terminated. I got a first time DUI last May and I went to my sentencing three months ago where the judge wouldn't allow me to be able to terminate once all of my requirements were completed and fines are paid but he would consider it after 6 months. Well, yesterday I spoke to my probation officer and told her how I'm selling my house so I can be ready to go in March and she just looked at me in disbelief and said that the judge probably won't let me do that. I'm feeling so hopeless tonight. I've worked so hard to change my life and I've committed to going into this 9 month program but it just seems like it's never going to happen. The judicial system totally sucks! Because I'm a first offender no one seems to think I should have to go somewhere and they are making it impossible for me to go. I don't know. Maybe God is trying to tell me I don't need to and I should start focusing on making my life work where I am? I'm just so depressed with thinking I am stuck where I am. I don't know what to do but I'm feeling really resentful and awful tonight.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Rina - I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I can only share my ES&H.
I got a first offender charge, but it was of a controlled substance with 5 years of probation. To me, it seemed like a lifetime.
I did the opposite of you, I sunk deeper into addiction. I got locked up, I got "clean" for the better part of a year, then relapsed and hit my final bottom. My PO did not know of my relapse, and I KNOW it was only because of HP - I got picked up by police six times, they found my probation appointment card but did not turn me in, told me to "get the hello OUT" of their city.
I'd been lurking on SR all this time, started paying attention.
I got my probation reduced by about 16 months, got my record cleared up.
I'm going on 8 years clean (in March), and it has not been a walk in the park. I've worked menial jobs, I've been unemployed, I've lived at home with my dad and my addict stepmom (who died of an OD last year) and I kept putting one right foot in front of the other.
The one thing I had was faith. Every time I thought "I just can't do this", something happened to prove to me that I could.
I KNOW this is hard on you. I know you want to put this all behind you. All I can tell you is I wanted the same. It didn't really happen that way, but every single thing I went through, and moved on from, has made me the person I am today, and I couldn't be more grateful.
Please keep reading and posting. You're not alone. If it weren't for the people here sharing their own ES&H, I might have given up, but I didn't. Keep the faith and keep putting that one right foot in front of the other.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I got a first offender charge, but it was of a controlled substance with 5 years of probation. To me, it seemed like a lifetime.
I did the opposite of you, I sunk deeper into addiction. I got locked up, I got "clean" for the better part of a year, then relapsed and hit my final bottom. My PO did not know of my relapse, and I KNOW it was only because of HP - I got picked up by police six times, they found my probation appointment card but did not turn me in, told me to "get the hello OUT" of their city.
I'd been lurking on SR all this time, started paying attention.
I got my probation reduced by about 16 months, got my record cleared up.
I'm going on 8 years clean (in March), and it has not been a walk in the park. I've worked menial jobs, I've been unemployed, I've lived at home with my dad and my addict stepmom (who died of an OD last year) and I kept putting one right foot in front of the other.
The one thing I had was faith. Every time I thought "I just can't do this", something happened to prove to me that I could.
I KNOW this is hard on you. I know you want to put this all behind you. All I can tell you is I wanted the same. It didn't really happen that way, but every single thing I went through, and moved on from, has made me the person I am today, and I couldn't be more grateful.
Please keep reading and posting. You're not alone. If it weren't for the people here sharing their own ES&H, I might have given up, but I didn't. Keep the faith and keep putting that one right foot in front of the other.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Can you write a letter to the judge and show proof of your enrollment and that you are selling your house? Don't be discouraged yet and remember that this moment of your life will pass. You are dealing with consequences but you will sort it out somehow.
Stay strong!
Stay strong!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 223
Wow! Thank you Amy so much for your reply and sharing your ES&H. I'm moved to tears. If you can do it I can too! I have such a hard time not focusing on what I can't do but what I can. You are an angel for me tonight!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by Nowsthetime 
Can you write a letter to the judge and show proof of your enrollment and that you are selling your house? Don't be discouraged yet and remember that this moment of your life will pass. You are dealing with consequences but you will sort it out somehow.
Stay strong!
Stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Rina - getting of probation took me TIME. I was fortunate to have a PO who was an advocate for me. She told me "you need to get off probation, I can't do it, you need to hire a lawyer who will state your case before the DA, but I will back you".
I hired an old AA buddy who was a lawyer, and I truly appreciate him for supporting me in recovery, he did nothing for me as a lawyer. He kept telling me "I've got your records in my briefcase" for a YEAR!!!!
I had paid him, money I didn't really have at the time. I was extremely frustrated. I finally went to the local jail to get my "official rap sheet" and the charges were GONE!! I called him to thank him, and he knew nothing of it.
Somehow, some way, my paperwork got before the DA and I was released from probation.
My point is, it's frustrating when you're doing all the right things and it doesn't seem like people are doing what they need to do to get you past the bad stuff. In my case, I'd been an addict for years before I got in trouble, and the time I spent getting the legal issues was far shorter.
I'll also mention that I had to go before a judge where I had more than $4,000 in tickets. Again, same lawyer had tried to find out the monetary damage but couldn't. I had no idea...I was numb when I got the tickets.
I knew it was over $1,000, but I saved that amount of money and went to court with plans to pay that and set up payment arrangements on the rest.
I sat there as the judge went through ticket after ticket and said "um, 2005 wasn't a good year for you?" I said "no, your honor, I was a crack addict". He said "what about now?" and I told him "I have --- in recovery (don't remember how much time I had at that time). He and someone else started going through my tickets, and he finally said "I am going to fine you for $1,000 for certain tickets, I am going to dismiss the other $3,000 in tickets. Keep your feet in recovery and don't ever show up in my court again".
Total surprise and I was definitely on cloud 9. My point is, I was READY to pay what I owed. I was ready to make my amends. HP stepped in.
None of this happened in my time, I've always been impatient but am learning
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I hired an old AA buddy who was a lawyer, and I truly appreciate him for supporting me in recovery, he did nothing for me as a lawyer. He kept telling me "I've got your records in my briefcase" for a YEAR!!!!
I had paid him, money I didn't really have at the time. I was extremely frustrated. I finally went to the local jail to get my "official rap sheet" and the charges were GONE!! I called him to thank him, and he knew nothing of it.
Somehow, some way, my paperwork got before the DA and I was released from probation.
My point is, it's frustrating when you're doing all the right things and it doesn't seem like people are doing what they need to do to get you past the bad stuff. In my case, I'd been an addict for years before I got in trouble, and the time I spent getting the legal issues was far shorter.
I'll also mention that I had to go before a judge where I had more than $4,000 in tickets. Again, same lawyer had tried to find out the monetary damage but couldn't. I had no idea...I was numb when I got the tickets.
I knew it was over $1,000, but I saved that amount of money and went to court with plans to pay that and set up payment arrangements on the rest.
I sat there as the judge went through ticket after ticket and said "um, 2005 wasn't a good year for you?" I said "no, your honor, I was a crack addict". He said "what about now?" and I told him "I have --- in recovery (don't remember how much time I had at that time). He and someone else started going through my tickets, and he finally said "I am going to fine you for $1,000 for certain tickets, I am going to dismiss the other $3,000 in tickets. Keep your feet in recovery and don't ever show up in my court again".
Total surprise and I was definitely on cloud 9. My point is, I was READY to pay what I owed. I was ready to make my amends. HP stepped in.
None of this happened in my time, I've always been impatient but am learning
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi Rina
I didn't have any legal problems, but it took me more than a year to sort out my life...it seemed a long time at the time, and it seemed unfair...but I look back now and I learned a lot in that 12-14 month period.
As sucky as this is, maybe you can try and look at this as some kind of learning period too?
One thing I do now is time goes faster the older you get lol. This period will be up in no time
Congrats on 6 months - and happy Thanksgiving Rina
D
I didn't have any legal problems, but it took me more than a year to sort out my life...it seemed a long time at the time, and it seemed unfair...but I look back now and I learned a lot in that 12-14 month period.
As sucky as this is, maybe you can try and look at this as some kind of learning period too?
One thing I do now is time goes faster the older you get lol. This period will be up in no time
Congrats on 6 months - and happy Thanksgiving Rina
D
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
when I got sober, I had no idea what was in store for my future...things were very bleak and dark in the beginning.
by 2 years later, things were really, really bright....and at 3.5 years, things are still getting better and better!!
stay strong and move forward!!!
Hugs and love to you!
by 2 years later, things were really, really bright....and at 3.5 years, things are still getting better and better!!
stay strong and move forward!!!
Hugs and love to you!
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