Frustrated
 

I just recently admitted I'm an alcoholic. Tough pill, but I'm glad because I can fix it.
Got into a blackout drunk fight with my boyfriend. He was very angry with me, but somewhere along the way I snapped into reality and sobered up instantly, it was weird. But when I became sober, I remember him being a complete a$$hole, he thinks I don't remember a thing because I normally don't.
Anyway, I apologized to him, admitted I had a problem and went to AA.
I told him maybe it's best if we take a few months break and I can get a grip on this. He agreed, but told me not to be a stranger.
He works up north for 2 week stretches, he has a dangerous job and must drive on dangerous Canadian roads to get there. So I worry always.
I texted him yesterday just to make sure he got there ok, he is ignoring me. He has done this before, he ignores me and uses my worry and love against me like a weapon. So now I'm worried something has happened, and if not I'm mad he's manipulating me and making me worry for him. He's also been treating me like a criminal or second class citizen for over a week.
Then a guy at work was really mean to me today.
My professor gave us a ludicrously complicated exam.
My car signal light went out.
I pay my tuition out of pocket, and I need to come up with remaining few hundred dollars, within a week.
I know these are first world problems.
I have a business I run completely alone.

On days like this i normally drink, I have no idea what to do to handle it. I mean it, looking back i have never handled a bad day without wine.
So to whine, wine, wine.
Going to AA right now though. Even though I don't want to.
This is an hour by hour day for sure.

I would focus on your sobriety right now. Try to explain to him that you are quitting and that these games are not helping your sobriety.. explain that right now you need support.

It's understandable that he may doubt your sincerity.. it's even understandable that you doubt your own sincerity but over time he will understand that you are sincere and truly need his support, openness and love.

If he continues to play these games then it may be time to reconsider your relationship. Some people are just like that by nature unless they face their own demons. Some like to be in relationships where they have an open hand, others just get sick of dealing with our alcoholism.

Be strong and lean on yourself. I know it is hard when you love and worry about someone and they ignore you. For me, that is the worst thing.

Drinking won't make your exams any easier, or fix your car signal, definitely won't help you with your tuition, what will it help? You are doing the right thing, keep your head up! I think having a clear head will help you with these problems more than drinking, and trying to forget them. Hour by hour, I've had many days like that. Stay strong, you can do this!

Drinking won't make your exams any easier, or fix your car signal, definitely won't help you with your tuition, what will it help? You are doing the right thing, keep your head up! I think having a clear head will help you with these problems more than drinking, and trying to forget them. Hour by hour, I've had many days like that. Stay strong, you can do this!

protect your sobriety first a foremost. you cant have any fruitful relationship while your hurting yourself. I'm so sorry.

Well done Js were here with you all the way

JS, I agree that focusing on your sobriety now is the best thing. You have a lot going on. I do not condone your boyfriend's behaviour however, and if it continues, then maybe you could re-examine the relationship. You're doing great, so hang in there.

Well I made it! Two bad days without a drink.
Went to AA and got super annoyed and self conscious, there's a lady there that kinda picks on what I say, when it's her turn, she turns and stares at me across the room and talks about the subject condescendingly. It's always about how I don't believe in god.
Anyway, all the other people are awesome, not going to let her ruin my good time at AA.
Got wonton soup and came home. Will study and hang around on this site
I've been putting money in a jar each time I want to drink and don't, I put the exact amount I would have spent on booze in there. It's already getting quite full after just a few days :/

Congratulations on 2 days! You are a miracle!! Keep moving forward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mmm...Wonton soup! Whenever I am craving a drink, I treat myself to food instead.

I have tried AA but it was hard for me to totally buy into it because I didn't connect with the religious people there. The mere mention of God makes me shut down and tune out. I see a therapist once a week instead and use SR. But if AA works for you keep at it.

I'm glad you said that! It gets me every time too. The god stuff makes me really uncomfortable. I'll keep going because there are people there that I really like, but I just can't do the god thing. I'll take out of it what works for me, it's good for me to get out and socialize with recovering alcoholics, coming here is really good too.
I might look into a therapist at the university, I pay for it in my school fees anyway, might as well utilize it right?

Hey Js, hang in there hun (((())))

You have a lot to deal with at this moment, be easy on yourself.

I'm glad you got through those two days JBodhi...I never knew how to get through bad days sober either - until I did :)

D