SoberD

Ok, so this is going to sound a bit strange but before making my recent commitment to sobriety, I have had these recurring thoughts about "wanting" to "hit rock bottom" and/or suffer some catastrophic event in order to strengthen my resolve/need to quit and increase the chances of long-term complete success...

I'm guessing this is because despite all of my risks, stupidity, losses, troubles, etc., I still seem to be in decent health, have a good job, etc. and have "dodged so many bullets" that it is practically inconceivable...

Of course, I should just count my lucky stars but was wondering if anyone has ever felt this way before going sober? It doesn't seem like a healthy thought process...

EndGameNYC

The desire to have the Universe, in an extremely destructive way, stop me from killing myself because self-destruction is the only way I know to make things right.

Serenidad

Yes I felt this way for a long time before I got sober in 2008. I definitely hit ROCK BOTTOM! I was laying in a jail cell after getting a DUI and was facing jail time. (Lots more info but I will spare you the ugly details), $10,000 in attorney fees later and one year without a license scared me straight for 5.5 years. I relapsed last fall but am back on track.

One of my best friends used to say the same thing you did about wanting to hit a bottom that would really shake her up and she DID! She was in pretty good health, young, successful, athletic.....but one say her body literally just stopped working. She died. Heart attack from drinking so much maybe? Her body just couldn't take it anymore. Fell asleep. Never woke up. :-(

Her rock bottom was a casket. Sad sad sad. I miss her! This also happened to my husbands 22 year old cousin. They found him dead in his recliner in his apartment. Again, his body just stopped! Alcohol is poison! I hate it!

For most people, Rock bottom is death.

SoberD

Interesting - yes, perhaps self-destruction has become so engrained in my behavior(s) that it is not such an unusual thought at all (for someone like me).

Thanks for the insight NYC. That said, I'll consider myself (relatively) lucky considering all of my horrific shenanigans. Onward to freedom and happiness...

Lance40

I used to feel like you did and even had some twisted sense of guilt that I couldn't embrace sobriety because I never had a rock bottom. I had it all - a solid marriage, a great career with promotions and nice pay increases, owning a home, having good health, never blacking out, never getting in trouble with the law, etc. Recently my AA sponsor was able to help me create my own rock bottom out of my own life experiences, and today I'm grateful that I see no difference between myself and a penniless, drunk in tattered clothing living homeless in an alley on skid row. I say that from a position of privilege and don't wish to down play bad circumstances, but I came to the understanding that rock bottom across all circumstances shares something in common: it is the realization that you are powerless and that your life has spiralled out of your control. I've made a list of how I'm powerless over alcohol and how my life had become unmanageable in its own way, and I revisit it several times a week to keep myself aware - especially when my ego starts to rise up and make me think that my situation really wasn't all that bad.

Jsbodhi

I'm a bit like you, I have a high rock bottom, but I know where it's headed if I keep going on the alcohol path, I have a business, go to university, am in good health, I look good, But my life is pathetic, I sit at home drinking alone( because I'll do something horrible or embarrassing if I'm around people) , wake up hung over, I'm losing clients, grades are slipping, trying desperately to quit, but telling myself "one more night" and I will, but it's been "one more night" for over a year. Now I'm blacking out every time. I don't want this kind of life, I want to be free, not ashamed anymore.
So I'm going to keep my high rock bottom before it's too late.

Notimetoloose

I understand what you are saying and that rock bottom feeling that can be used to propel us forward to be a better healthier,
happier person. Make life changes for the better. All In.

The problem with rock bottom and the possibility of making of new, lower rock bottoms because sometimes we are not capable
of or have the circumstances of that allow the propulsion to make the changes needed.

Many people do not make it up from rock bottom for many reasons. Many people die at rock bottom....I personally am not an advocate
of the "need to hit the bottom to make a change".....Perhaps early on in the addiction cycle..not sure!..

Many people get accustom to the new bottom as they find it hard to see a way out, lacking the support, tools..etc...
A lot end up with nothing left to lose as all they have cared about and loved is gone...their life is now rock bottom, their mental health is fragile...

I also have that self destruct personality but not at the expense of everything,

I used to have it at the expense of everything when I was young but not any more, I have a few protective
factors that don't entitle me to totally self destruct....

Anyway having said all that.... I totally know what you are saying.

SoberComposer

When I was drinking I didn't lose anything at one time (jail, dui, hurt, babies from a fling) but it did affect me over the long run (getting into college sooner, taking life more seriously, wasting years just getting by).

I had my good times and then bad times. The only way I could really quit was in a bad time. During the good times I could write-off the heartache for that daily drunk. So I had to hit a rough-patch with risks.. but that is so risky. Thankfully, this last time was more like gently landing a plane, for good, than a komikaze!!

ubntubnt

Yes I definitely struggled with this piece for a long time. Actually, I had plenty of warning signs like a DIU, run over by a car while drunk, losing my stuff, blackouts etc. But I never fit the stereotype in my mind of a drunk and there was not a blow out bottom at any time. More a slide into a worsening problem but since my health check results always came back ok I assumed that I was dodging bullets as you describe it.

Then I read an article on mental health and the impact of too much drinking and realised that actually alcohol was taking a great toll on my well being, just mental not physical. I hadn't been dodging the bullets after all.

In my opinion, "hitting rock bottom" is BS. It is your AV talking to you...."hey, you haven't hit rock bottom, you are not one of "those" drunks, no worries man, keep drinking".If you know you are abusing alcohol then the time to stop is NOW. Simple. So my advice to you is to stop debating this with you AV. Just quit and move on with dealing with your recovery.

totfit

"Everyone's" bottom is buried in a hole. Ultimately, we never will for sure "know" what our bottom is, because as long as we are breathing, there is a chance we have not met the bottom. It is amazing how cunning our minds can be when we want to continue any addiction. I found it best just to stop drinking and get on with life.

OklaBH

Watch what you wish for, you may get it. If you keep drinking I promise you will. I guess roll the dice to see what the bottom will be for you. Vehicular manslaughter, bankrupt, wearing adult diapers? Sadly I hit several what most would consider rock bottom and I figured " I screwed it up this bad, might as well drink " don't be an idiot like me

MelindaFlowers

That's a really interesting question. I think I kept wanting to push my bottom further and further down because that meant I could keep drinking. "I'll stop when ______ happens. Well, ______ didn't happen today so I can drink." It gave me permission to keep drinking. Sober is so much better! Great job on the sober time!

IOAA2

Hi.
The difficulty with this thinking is it’s very clouded by the alcohol we have in our body.
I need to remember that alcohol is Cunning, powerful and baffling along with being progressive meaning it never gets better or cured.
In todays society drinking habits unfortunately, it seems acceptable that over 100,000 die per year resulting from the abuse of alcohol, that’s not counting wet brains and associate physical derailments that are permanent.

BE WELL

Fly N Buy

Your bottom is simply when you stop digging. There are some worse than others, of course. Be glad yours isn't so bad.....YET = you're eligible too!

Know of a gent who killed a family of 3 while still searching for his bottom. Mandatory minimum of 15 years. So, if you need another bottom there's plenty out there......

Mountainmanbob

So many Recovered alcoholics wish that they would have sobered up before the elevator got to the bottom floor.

It's a shame but, for many it just don't work that way.

I dodged a lot of bullets before finally being filled with many holes.

MM

TopEndChick

Yes, it happens! Sorry Serenidad. A close friend of mine went to sleep after drinking and taking morphine. She never woke up. She was 15.

aasharon90

Sometimes I have to remind myself
about the end result of wishing or
hoping for something. I've heard so
many time to 'becarefull of what you
wish for' because it will come true.

If I wish for something bad to happen
to me just because of my sick selfish
thinking and the result ends up being
deadly or horrible, then when I finally
sober up and realize what I wished for,
there can be no taksie backsies.

I have to live with many of those
decisions I make because of my
sickness, illness.

So today, I choose my words wisely
and never wish for things that could
cause me more harm than good.

In recovery prayer I place my will
and life over to the Man upstairs for
safe care and guidance and when
making a decision that it be His will
and not mine.

Of course this is how it works and
continues to work for me for 24 yrs
sober.

doggonecarl

That's how alcoholics convince themselves to keep drinking, the "need" to hit rock bottom to get sober.

Most just hit rock bottom.

SoberD

Thank you Lance - thank really resonated with me.

SoberD

Yes, this is exactly it - thank you all for the great input!