The Desire to Hit Rock Bottom?
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by SoberD 
I still seem to be in decent health, have a good job, etc. and have "dodged so many bullets" that it is practically inconceivable...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
That's funny (sort of funny, anyway) because I remember thinking that just before I made the decision to get some help with my drinking. I also purposely drank more than I usually would have to "test" rock bottom - puke and all. I thought I was a bit crazy to do that but I can see now that it was a desperate attempt to prove to myself that I really needed to stop.
Recognising my AV
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
It's threads like this that really help someone starting out on their final attempt at sobriety, like me.
So much wisdom and sensible words from people who know what it is to go through the madness of addiction and come out the other side.
I really do empathise with your thought processes though SoberD.
In an earlier attempt at sobriety 9 years ago I felt a bit of a fraud at AA meetings when I couldn't compete with their tales of rock bottomness. I almost harboured a bit of envy that I hadn't been into treatment and felt slightly guilty that I still had a job, house and family.
I know now (as Ubntubnt said) that this was pure AV noise.........
So much wisdom and sensible words from people who know what it is to go through the madness of addiction and come out the other side.
I really do empathise with your thought processes though SoberD.
In an earlier attempt at sobriety 9 years ago I felt a bit of a fraud at AA meetings when I couldn't compete with their tales of rock bottomness. I almost harboured a bit of envy that I hadn't been into treatment and felt slightly guilty that I still had a job, house and family.
I know now (as Ubntubnt said) that this was pure AV noise.........
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
I think the phrase "rock bottom" is misleading. I think it signifies an event that is so terrible, so catastrophic, that to drink any further would be insanity and from this event sobriety will naturally ensue.
I think if that were the case, the recovery rates for alcoholics would be a lot higher.
I've lost count of the times I swore "this is it, I would be an idiot to drink after this" and promptly got drunk.
Once I tearfully called a friend--I was suicidal--and he came and threw out anything I could potentially overdose on. I was terrified. He was terrified and lectured to me about what would happen if I committed suicide in a black out. I knew I was in dangerous territory and swore that I would never touch the stuff again. I wanted to live too much.
I was drunk in less than 24 hours.
It kept getting worse and more nightmarish.
You know what happened on my first day of continued sobriety? I accepted that I was an alcoholic, alcohol was making my life worse, I needed help to stay sober (and I would do whatever people suggested), and that staying sober on a day to day basis was the only thing that mattered in my life.
It wasn't rock bottom. It was a decision. And action to follow through.
I still hear stories of people who progressed further than I did and people who wisely stopped before they got worse.
Look at it this way. If you had stage 1 cancer, would you not want to treat it because it wasn't as advanced as someone with stage 4? (Hopefully this isn't offensive to anyone with cancer. I've had several people I love who have had cancer and would never want to say anything that could be construed as disrespectful or insensitive.) The point is--once you know you have a problem it's time to stop.
I hope you'll consider that if your drinking is a problem for you then for that reason alone it's a good idea to quit. You don't have to compare yourself to anyone else.
I've never regretted my sobriety and I don't think you will, either.
I think if that were the case, the recovery rates for alcoholics would be a lot higher.
I've lost count of the times I swore "this is it, I would be an idiot to drink after this" and promptly got drunk.
Once I tearfully called a friend--I was suicidal--and he came and threw out anything I could potentially overdose on. I was terrified. He was terrified and lectured to me about what would happen if I committed suicide in a black out. I knew I was in dangerous territory and swore that I would never touch the stuff again. I wanted to live too much.
I was drunk in less than 24 hours.
It kept getting worse and more nightmarish.
You know what happened on my first day of continued sobriety? I accepted that I was an alcoholic, alcohol was making my life worse, I needed help to stay sober (and I would do whatever people suggested), and that staying sober on a day to day basis was the only thing that mattered in my life.
It wasn't rock bottom. It was a decision. And action to follow through.
I still hear stories of people who progressed further than I did and people who wisely stopped before they got worse.
Look at it this way. If you had stage 1 cancer, would you not want to treat it because it wasn't as advanced as someone with stage 4? (Hopefully this isn't offensive to anyone with cancer. I've had several people I love who have had cancer and would never want to say anything that could be construed as disrespectful or insensitive.) The point is--once you know you have a problem it's time to stop.
I hope you'll consider that if your drinking is a problem for you then for that reason alone it's a good idea to quit. You don't have to compare yourself to anyone else.
I've never regretted my sobriety and I don't think you will, either.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
It reads like the decent health you say you are in is the physical health?
How bout the mental health? Any chance your mental health may be right there or close to those that went further down the scale?
How bout the mental health? Any chance your mental health may be right there or close to those that went further down the scale?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I did not have this desire at all, I dreaded it. I think in part my luck was that I was very attached to a couple elements of my life and could not stand even the thought of losing these. I'm glad I quit drinking during this phase when I still cared for a lot of things than later when I possibly would not have cared about anything but alcohol anymore.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Hendrix
It's threads like this that really help someone starting out on their final attempt at sobriety, like me.
So much wisdom and sensible words from people who know what it is to go through the madness of addiction and come out the other side.
I really do empathise with your thought processes though SoberD.
In an earlier attempt at sobriety 9 years ago I felt a bit of a fraud at AA meetings when I couldn't compete with their tales of rock bottomness. I almost harboured a bit of envy that I hadn't been into treatment and felt slightly guilty that I still had a job, house and family.
I know now (as Ubntubnt said) that this was pure AV noise.........
So much wisdom and sensible words from people who know what it is to go through the madness of addiction and come out the other side.
I really do empathise with your thought processes though SoberD.
In an earlier attempt at sobriety 9 years ago I felt a bit of a fraud at AA meetings when I couldn't compete with their tales of rock bottomness. I almost harboured a bit of envy that I hadn't been into treatment and felt slightly guilty that I still had a job, house and family.
I know now (as Ubntubnt said) that this was pure AV noise.........
But, as was previously stated, we each have a seperate and entirely unique relationship with alcohol. Ive never depended on it (or so I thought), but can never go on a night out without taking it too excess.
Think I'd rather give it up when in good health and with a semblance of normality, as regards home life, than the other option.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
yes, i felt that way many times.
desperate for things to be worse because i seemed unable to quit or stay quit.
and the only thing i could ascribe that seeming inability to was things still being too good.
well, turned out i didn't need a catastrophic event as such; what i needed was to understand absolutely that i am a drunk and accept that unreservedly. when i got that, it was my bottom. no outward catastrophe required.
desperate for things to be worse because i seemed unable to quit or stay quit.
and the only thing i could ascribe that seeming inability to was things still being too good.
well, turned out i didn't need a catastrophic event as such; what i needed was to understand absolutely that i am a drunk and accept that unreservedly. when i got that, it was my bottom. no outward catastrophe required.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I hit several bottoms. I finally realized I may not make it through the next one and chose recovery.
This was after being early in using, going to meetings and not understanding how someone could stoop SO low and not realize they were an addict. I became them, I cheated death more than a few times by the grace of HP.
At first I thought "I'm not that bad". I eventually became "that bad" and worse, and I wanted to live more than I wanted to die as I'd seen so many others do.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
This was after being early in using, going to meetings and not understanding how someone could stoop SO low and not realize they were an addict. I became them, I cheated death more than a few times by the grace of HP.
At first I thought "I'm not that bad". I eventually became "that bad" and worse, and I wanted to live more than I wanted to die as I'd seen so many others do.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
I hit several bottoms. I finally realized I may not make it through the next one and chose recovery.
This was after being early in using, going to meetings and not understanding how someone could stoop SO low and not realize they were an addict. I became them, I cheated death more than a few times by the grace of HP.
At first I thought "I'm not that bad". I eventually became "that bad" and worse, and I wanted to live more than I wanted to die as I'd seen so many others do.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
This was after being early in using, going to meetings and not understanding how someone could stoop SO low and not realize they were an addict. I became them, I cheated death more than a few times by the grace of HP.
At first I thought "I'm not that bad". I eventually became "that bad" and worse, and I wanted to live more than I wanted to die as I'd seen so many others do.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,122
Originally Posted by totfit
"Everyone's" bottom is buried in a hole. Ultimately, we never will for sure "know" what our bottom is, because as long as we are breathing, there is a chance we have not met the bottom. It is amazing how cunning our minds can be when we want to continue any addiction. I found it best just to stop drinking and get on with life.
Bobbi
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 30
I know exactly what you mean, and thank you for posting this by the way. but I'll tell you one thing having hit bottom more than once, from that mindset you will only keep drinking. ive drank myself to homelessness more than once, lost my son, and two years of my life spent in jail.. not to mention the years wasted drinking and letting my natural personality and talents go to waste. youd think it would make me stop but it didnt.. it got worse and I know the feeling of wanting to go all out. its an addictive behavior in itself, but if you havent been homeless and panhandling change for liquor its not very fulfilling way to spend your days.. people on the street can be real nasty too. its just so bleak and depressing I dont even want to think about it.. I only made it out with the help of god and family and friends I am very grateful for, not everyone is so lucky as me and like many have pointed out already- a lot of people hit bottom and dont survive or end up trapped in despair and homelessness.. think about it is it worth playing russian roullete with your life? my two cents, have the foresight to see whats inevitable if you keep drinking. you dont want to feel that level of agony nor do you need to in order to get stoked on a sober and healthy life, but in the end its your journey and I wish you well either way! just think of all the progress you could make if you stop now as opposed to going on self destruct mode, saved relationships etc.. hope this helped some good luck
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
So long as we rely or anticipate that "the solution" / resolve to quit is external, we are able to avoid the reality that recovery is an inside deal. It is no different than the thinking that got us to this place. We sought solace and relief from things outside of us: money, social standing, sex, food, or alcohol/drugs. Those solutions were false, and for the same reasons any real and lasting recovery is an inside deal, not contingent on external events or forces.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Agreed. My descent was fueled by all of the above. The ability to discern thoughts/self talk as rational or AV has made a difference for me this time around. I had a pretty low bottom this time. Finding SR at exactly the same time I decided to give sobriety another shot has become my best tool. Thanks to you all for being there for me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 301
Originally Posted by sectownkid
I know exactly what you mean, and thank you for posting this by the way. but I'll tell you one thing having hit bottom more than once, from that mindset you will only keep drinking. ive drank myself to homelessness more than once, lost my son, and two years of my life spent in jail.. not to mention the years wasted drinking and letting my natural personality and talents go to waste. youd think it would make me stop but it didnt.. it got worse and I know the feeling of wanting to go all out. its an addictive behavior in itself, but if you havent been homeless and panhandling change for liquor its not very fulfilling way to spend your days.. people on the street can be real nasty too. its just so bleak and depressing I dont even want to think about it.. I only made it out with the help of god and family and friends I am very grateful for, not everyone is so lucky as me and like many have pointed out already- a lot of people hit bottom and dont survive or end up trapped in despair and homelessness.. think about it is it worth playing russian roullete with your life? my two cents, have the foresight to see whats inevitable if you keep drinking. you dont want to feel that level of agony nor do you need to in order to get stoked on a sober and healthy life, but in the end its your journey and I wish you well either way! just think of all the progress you could make if you stop now as opposed to going on self destruct mode, saved relationships etc.. hope this helped some good luck
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