facebook...trigger?
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
I still use Facebook, but I spend WAY less time there than I used to. Many posts do seem silly when you're trying to make a significant life change. I also avoid the political ones, because sometimes they make me dislike people I otherwise like. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
I started a thread about this years ago (i think) anyway, there are actually studies now on how facebook affects people, particularly people in the midst of something troubling (i.e. early recovery) either delete your account so you arent tempted, or stay off until you have some sobriety under your belt. when i was at my lowest low (behind on house payments, cusp of bankruptcy/foreclosure etc...) nothing would set me off worse than logging in to see "we bought our dining room table for 5 thousand but decided it wasnt for us so went and got this one" Silly, but it drove me nuts!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 168
When it comes to Facebook, or any other social media, I always remember this quote: "Don't compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel".
People post what they want you to see. I am a private person and I rarely post on FB, but when I do it is only benign, happy things but I'm also here on SR, so...
People post what they want you to see. I am a private person and I rarely post on FB, but when I do it is only benign, happy things but I'm also here on SR, so...
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Montana
Posts: 151
Facebook for some people is a highlight reel of their lives. Not an actual documentary. I gave it up years ago because people were too annoying on there. Pushing agendas etc. it also doesn't help when I call them idiots and get involved in politics. Lol. My favorite posts were "I'm so lucky! I have the best husband/wife in the world!" Im like...you've been married for 4 months, and I knew your husband in high school. He's an ass.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
A couple years ago I did my own social experiment on FB. I wanted to see if "attractive" people were able to get more "friends" than "unattractive" people. So I created 2 fake accounts...I got photos from an online photo provider so I knew it was ok to use the images. Then I created fake information for each one. Both were women btw. The attractive one was busy traveling, going to expensive restaurants, etc. The other one was a home body who volunteered at the local pet shelter. I sent friend requests to a bunch of people I didn't even know. Guess who had the most friend request accepted? It was very dramatic the difference. I had these accounts for about 3 months and then deleted them. Very interesting... I canceled my own account right after that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I have never used Facebook but I can see it's triggering, if nothing else, a lot of dishonesty.
I was quite obsessed with online interactions one-on-one though when I was drinking, and sometimes when someone now reminds me of a person I communicated a lot with online while drunk, it's still a very clear trigger. I don't act on it, but I can feel it being triggering. If you think your FB presents any danger, I would close it now.
Art - I did that experiment once on a dating site when I was ~20 yo. Not in terms of physical attractiveness but personality. The result was quite interesting.
I was quite obsessed with online interactions one-on-one though when I was drinking, and sometimes when someone now reminds me of a person I communicated a lot with online while drunk, it's still a very clear trigger. I don't act on it, but I can feel it being triggering. If you think your FB presents any danger, I would close it now.
Art - I did that experiment once on a dating site when I was ~20 yo. Not in terms of physical attractiveness but personality. The result was quite interesting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I deactivated my FB page a few months ago. It really did make me feel like a bit of a failure. Here I am, a 38 yo recovering alcoholic who had lost everything, and my old friends were buying bigger houses with pools, finishing their first marathons, or taking the kids to Hawaii for spring break.
Now, I do realize that what you see on FB is the shiny top 10% of people's lives and that there are skeletons in everyone's closet, but it still made me feel inadequate. It made me feel ashamed of being an alcoholic and how my life hadn't turned out like I'd have hoped.
Then I thought about some of the the people I saw posting on FB. I was looking at some great vacation pics posted by an old college friend and remembered that his mother had died from cancer. 6 months later his father died in a car crash. And then his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and she had to have a double mastectomy. Yet there he was smiling on a beach with his wife.
Facebook is an illusion. Don't use it to compare yourself to others because you'll never win and you never know what people are really struggling with.
Now, I do realize that what you see on FB is the shiny top 10% of people's lives and that there are skeletons in everyone's closet, but it still made me feel inadequate. It made me feel ashamed of being an alcoholic and how my life hadn't turned out like I'd have hoped.
Then I thought about some of the the people I saw posting on FB. I was looking at some great vacation pics posted by an old college friend and remembered that his mother had died from cancer. 6 months later his father died in a car crash. And then his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and she had to have a double mastectomy. Yet there he was smiling on a beach with his wife.
Facebook is an illusion. Don't use it to compare yourself to others because you'll never win and you never know what people are really struggling with.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 205
I am not an A so I don't feel I should give advice about your recovery. But I came across your post and I wanted to tell you the same thing so many others have said - FB is an illusion of someone's life. So many people (women especially) get stressed out over FB, depressed, anxious about their own lives because they are comparing themselves to people on FB. I even read a news article on it a couple of weeks ago, it's gotten that bad.
I actually had a friend who was so intent on keeping up with her FB friends, a lot of whom were sorority sisters who seemed to have the "perfect life" she practically made a hobby out convincing people she had it all, via FB. In reality, she was newly married to an alcoholic who was having an affair with a coworker. He started dabbling in drugs, searching online for escorts. They hadn't slept in the same bed since they were married and had only had sex a handful of times. But you would never know that if you looked at her FB page! She posted about how great life was, flowers from my hubby, hubby bought me this, look at us on vacation, look at my beautiful wedding photos. Divorced less than two years into the marriage.
I know when I've gone through difficult things (break ups, unemployment) I deactivated my account. I didn't want people asking me questions and I had no interest in their lives when my own was in turmoil. Whether you decide to keep your account or not, please do not hold yourself to this ridiculous FB standard. It is totally unrealistic. And best wishes during your recovery! It sounds like you are off to a promising start.
I actually had a friend who was so intent on keeping up with her FB friends, a lot of whom were sorority sisters who seemed to have the "perfect life" she practically made a hobby out convincing people she had it all, via FB. In reality, she was newly married to an alcoholic who was having an affair with a coworker. He started dabbling in drugs, searching online for escorts. They hadn't slept in the same bed since they were married and had only had sex a handful of times. But you would never know that if you looked at her FB page! She posted about how great life was, flowers from my hubby, hubby bought me this, look at us on vacation, look at my beautiful wedding photos. Divorced less than two years into the marriage.
I know when I've gone through difficult things (break ups, unemployment) I deactivated my account. I didn't want people asking me questions and I had no interest in their lives when my own was in turmoil. Whether you decide to keep your account or not, please do not hold yourself to this ridiculous FB standard. It is totally unrealistic. And best wishes during your recovery! It sounds like you are off to a promising start.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
There were a few interesting studies and articles on the subject
Here is one from the New Yorker
http://www.newyorker.com/tech/elemen...kes-us-unhappy
Here is one from the New Yorker
Another group of researchers has suggested that envy, too, increases with Facebook use: the more time people spent browsing the site, as opposed to actively creating content and engaging with it, the more envious they felt. The effect, suggested Hanna Krasnova and her colleagues, was a result of the well-known social-psychology phenomenon of social comparison. It was further exacerbated by a general similarity of people’s social networks to themselves: because the point of comparison is like-minded peers, learning about the achievements of others hits even harder.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Thx to u all for your insight on FB. I needed to hear this and although its embarrassing to share how FB makes me feel( childish) I needed to get it out. All of the post are right on point and they gave me a sense of relief and also let me know SR community has been a godsend to my recovery.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by mistory5 
Thx to u all for your insight on FB. I needed to hear this and although its embarrassing to share how FB makes me feel( childish) I needed to get it out. All of the post are right on point and they gave me a sense of relief and also let me know SR community has been a godsend to my recovery.
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