I messed up.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Montana
Posts: 151
I messed up.
So my wife yelled at me in Walmart when we were shopping for our kids birthday. I'm very emotionally fragile right now and it ruined my day. I was trying to help and got treated like crap. I had an urge to drink rode it out and overcame it. Then after my doctors appt around 530 I drank some beer and some more. When I woke up at 4 am my heart was racing and I'm depressed and very dizzy. I'm sorry I drank. Do I have to start over or pick up where I left off. I didn't even enjoy it. Didn't want to post today but hoped it would help. Withdrawl sucks and I never want to feel this way again. I was doing so good. I really think I need a medication to make it impossible for me to drink for a few months while I learn how to say no. I have ocd, anxiety, and depression so I feel like no matter how good I do I'll always end up back here. I felt so strong all day and one little thing threw me off. This sucks
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Fishin'. Whether you "start over" or "pick up where you left off" is really not all that important, they are merely words. What is important is not drinking today, and also finding a plan/method/therapy that will allow you to cope with life on it's own terms, rather than resorting to drinking.
It's also important to remember that your anxiety/OCD/depresssion are very real issues that need to be treated separately. Drinking makes all of them worse, and it's very difficult ( if not impossible ) to treat them while you are actively drinking to boot. Have you ever received treatment or therapy for those conditions?
Lastly, there is no magic pill you can take that will stop you from drinking. It's a conscious decision only you can make ( to drink or not to drink). All of the things mentioned above are a big help in allowing you to make the decision to stay sober, but really at the end of the day It's all up to you and your choices.
It's also important to remember that your anxiety/OCD/depresssion are very real issues that need to be treated separately. Drinking makes all of them worse, and it's very difficult ( if not impossible ) to treat them while you are actively drinking to boot. Have you ever received treatment or therapy for those conditions?
Lastly, there is no magic pill you can take that will stop you from drinking. It's a conscious decision only you can make ( to drink or not to drink). All of the things mentioned above are a big help in allowing you to make the decision to stay sober, but really at the end of the day It's all up to you and your choices.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Montana
Posts: 151
Yeah I have some treatment scheduled for December 2 with a therapist. The next time I feel like drinking I will post. Do I make a thread here or what? So like if I need support right away where do I post. I had options last night and know it came down to me choosing not to seek help. Wish I could fast foreward to tomorrow. I know I'll feel better then
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Fishinainteasy 
Yeah I have some treatment scheduled for December 2 with a therapist. The next time I feel like drinking I will post. Do I make a thread here or what? So like if I need support right away where do I post. I had options last night and know it came down to me choosing not to seek help. Wish I could fast foreward to tomorrow. I know I'll feel better then
Glad to hear you have plans to seek some other help/opinions from a therapist too - that can make a lot of difference.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
If you post here, in this forum, you will likely get responses immediately. There are always people here and we do understand.
And, I agree completely with what Scott said about medication for drinking. There is no easy way. This is just my opinion, but if you use medication for a few months to help you, you will not learn that you are strong enough to do this on your own.
And, I agree completely with what Scott said about medication for drinking. There is no easy way. This is just my opinion, but if you use medication for a few months to help you, you will not learn that you are strong enough to do this on your own.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
well, gettinsoberainteasy sometimes. the fact that you came here and posted, feeling distraught over the fact that you drank again IS a good thing.
you are strong enough to recognize it and what it does. next time instead of drinking - POST HERE FIRST.
Do you have a fly tying bench? Maybe put on some coffee or tea and tie me up a few flies instead of drinking next time. I could use a few copper johns or similar nymphs.
and a some tricos -- give yourself a diversion next time.
you are strong enough to recognize it and what it does. next time instead of drinking - POST HERE FIRST.
Do you have a fly tying bench? Maybe put on some coffee or tea and tie me up a few flies instead of drinking next time. I could use a few copper johns or similar nymphs.
and a some tricos -- give yourself a diversion next time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Fishin, you are strong enough. Give yourself more credit than that. You can do this. Re-read through these threads and you will hear the following over and over... "if I can do it, then anyone can do it".
We are stronger than our excuses. We just have got to want to be sober more than we want to drink. It's simple and tough as that. I'm new to recovery, and still think of drinking every day. But every day, I get back onto SR and am reminded why I can't drink... not today, not tomorrow, not next month.
After 21 years of heavy, daily drinking I never through I was strong enough either. I haven't made it that long yet, but I know this... I will be sober today and for me, that's what counts right now.
Glad you came right back Fishin. You are strong enough. Make your plan, stick to it and stay close to SR or what ever recovery method works for you.
We are here to support each other.
We are stronger than our excuses. We just have got to want to be sober more than we want to drink. It's simple and tough as that. I'm new to recovery, and still think of drinking every day. But every day, I get back onto SR and am reminded why I can't drink... not today, not tomorrow, not next month.
After 21 years of heavy, daily drinking I never through I was strong enough either. I haven't made it that long yet, but I know this... I will be sober today and for me, that's what counts right now.
Glad you came right back Fishin. You are strong enough. Make your plan, stick to it and stay close to SR or what ever recovery method works for you.
We are here to support each other.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
well fishin, think of sobriety like tying knots, the more you practice the better you get. And the stronger the knots become. Same with sobriety, it gets stronger the longer you keep working at it.
Now if you can tie a nail knot on the first try, you are my hero. Fly tying can also become like meditation. A peaceful, mindful experience, once you get past the initial frustration. I think it's a good hobby to pick up.
Just keep working on a program of recovery...
Now if you can tie a nail knot on the first try, you are my hero. Fly tying can also become like meditation. A peaceful, mindful experience, once you get past the initial frustration. I think it's a good hobby to pick up.
Just keep working on a program of recovery...
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Fishinainteasy
Anna I'm scared that I'm not strong enough.
What would I do????
So I sat down and made a list of things I could do instead. One of those things was post here (so I fired up an old account here I hadn't used since 2007).
I made a commitment to myself that I would face every ARRIVING moment sober (the key is...arriving...don't get caught up in the future...just stay with your now).
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
For me I needed to build a new toolbox to deal with life, the problem is there is always going to be rough days, even in Sobriety, but the quick fix of alcohol needs to be off the table, we need new tools to deal with life moving forward!!
Go at things again!! You can do this!!
Go at things again!! You can do this!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I'm scared that I'm not strong enough.
but ..I actually don't think recovery *is* about strength.
It's about acceptance - accepting who I am, accepting what I am, and accepting that I can't be the person I want to be if I drink.
Strength won't get me across that 8 line highway teeming with traffic - but acceptance that I need to go & wait at the lights for the walk signal, will
Accept what you need to do Fishin
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
Fishin, do post and post right away. I had a terrible trigger in Target the other day and stopped in the middle of an aisle and asked the SR community for virtual hugs and support. Within seconds they were arriving and enabled me to walk out of that store without wine.
I was so truly grateful.
Take care. And you are strong: we all are much stronger than we think we are and also need more support than we sometimes allow ourselves to have!
I was so truly grateful.
Take care. And you are strong: we all are much stronger than we think we are and also need more support than we sometimes allow ourselves to have!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TN
Posts: 365
Originally Posted by Fishinainteasy
Thank you all. I appreciate the support and will start working my tail off
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by Fishinainteasy
I'm scared that I'm not strong enough.
The first statement is a little different, because it is true. You are afraid. This only makes sense because of the magnitude of what you are about to undertake. The idea of living without alcohol was absolutely terrifying to me. I was frightened to bits about the whole idea of doing this, and that led me to think I would fail. This turned out to be a lie that was simply part of my addiction to alcohol. I had forgotten I already knew how to live sober, I did it for two decades. Without this belief in myself, this change ahead of me was simply paralyzing, and this fear kept me drunk.
The answer to this is to believe in yourself. Sober is a better life than drunk by any measure. You deserve to have this better life, and you can have it. It is yours - reach and grab it with all your mind and heart, and never let it go. Accept nothing less.
If you check my avatar you can see my trolling rod already set for that early morning run into that back bay and along that shoal that sometimes holds a trout I'm able to fool. Let's go get him, OK? Your turn to drive the boat this time.
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