ItsViolet

I realized that I had to change my entire lifestyle, not just stop drinking. I drank so much coffee and ate so much sugar and bread and stuff that later in the day I would be all hyped up and I would want a drink just to mellow out. My whole body was out of balance. I basically had to get rid of all the stimulants in order to not need the depressant. I educated myself on health and nutrition. I recognized negative thought patterns that were holding me back. I protected myself from the opinions of others by keeping to myself for months. It's been a painful process at times, but I'm so relieved to be free. If the no-stimulant plan was helping you before, maybe try that again and take it a step further? It's worth it to give yourself a chance, Judas.

MelindaFlowers

I never believed I would stop. It just didn't even seem possible. Me? Never drink again? Deep down I really thought there was something different about me, like I didn't have the will, fortitude, nerve, etc. to stop drinking. Eventually I realized I was the same as everyone else and had to do the things that sober people do.

I didn't plan it. I just go so incredibly sick and tired of being sick and tired every single day. It really wasn't a choice. I was brought to my knees, desperate. The only thing I wanted more than the next drink was to not die. Sounds so cliche but that's the only way I can explain it. I knew death was near if I continued. I spent hours every day on here and I only had one goal for each day: DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. I pieced together day by day by day until drinking was no longer the norm, default behavior. Go incredibly easy on yourself. Candy saved me at times. I ate candy like a ten year old on Halloween!

If I can do this, anyone can. I was a daily, heavy drinker ruining my health and still continuing to drink alcohol. You can do this too. I have not had any alcohol since June 27, 2014 and life is soooooooo much better and easier.

Judas

Apparently I want to make it complex for some reason. Like someone else said though, I really need to embrace sobriety instead of cling to abstinence. I can do this.. I can do this... I can do this...

Judas

Yeah, I have had so many events over the years that any rational, normal person would have considered to be a "rock bottom" that I've lost count. I don't think the rock bottom thing applies to me - I basically just chose to ignore all the horrible bottoms that I've gone through and just continued to drink. I don't know.

Judas

Yeah, seriously. If I was as smart as you I should definitely have given my phone to someone or left it at work if I planned on drinking. I dread waking up in the morning after a particularly rocky night and going through my sent items, or better yet, seeing that all of my messages were deleted, as if in my drunken state I thought deleting my sent items meant the slate was wiped clean. My drunken self is a neanderathal (or however you spell that.. I'm confident I'll never know).

Nuudawn

Really brilliant stuff here Violet. Thank you.

MelindaFlowers

Isn't that so strange how blackouts inspired us to write emails?? Still can't wrap my mind around it. Insanity I guess.

OklaBH

I thought I was the only one wit ban alter ego lol! I knew I had done something but call log and texts deleted hmmmmm? It was humiliating on Saturdays to get texts that read " did you need something" or WORSE ... The dreaded return phone call

beach20

It is so confusing when you finally realize this. How can this be true?
Why?

I knew an individual that was 17 years sober and then bought a bottle of wine...and then went downhill.

I was sober and ended up in a drugstore buying wine. What was I thinking?

Now I am back again one day at a time.

You are not alone in the cunning, baffling and powerful.

I saw some advice on this site that was very meaningful....don't ask why, don't beat yourself on an intellectual level, just stay connected and persistent.

I am so envious of others that don't have an addiction. But I am realizing that everyone has a challenge of some sort to face and that persistence matters!

You are not alone in your frustration with this disease!

CNY46ER

The difference between a goal and a dream is that you write your goal down. Write down your goal, make a plan and stick to the plan because your life depends on it.

JetIonic

Hi Judas and Everyone,

I have been on and off of the wagon since 1973. I was sober for a seven-year stretch, ending in 2008, when all it took was one beer after a concert and I was back to bad. DUIs, other alcohol-related arrests, loss of a really great job, causing pain to my family...these should all have been "bottoms", and yet I continued to drink and do coke. I've made some valiant attempts at getting sober and was moderately successful for the first half of this year, but it's all gone to hell again. What motivates me now is fear of death. Lately I wake up with palpitations after a night of drinking to the point of blackout. That can't be good.

My little story was kind of a downer, and I apologize for that. Let me try to redeem myself with an article that I think explains why we love to get wasted. Maybe you folks have read this before, or other articles like it, but in case you have not, maybe you will find it meaningful.

Thanks!

Oops, never mind, just learned I don't have enough posts under my belt to send out a link. Anyway, it was about dopamine and addiction. I will try again in 11 posts from now!

usetobeabrave

I thought I was a great drinker, I was proud to say I could drink all day, through two bartenders shifts and still manage to be in control. I have realized that I was not in control. My mind is telling me that it would be ok to drink once in awhile. I know that I cant. Welcome to sobriety.

Newpathway

That's a hard one! I'm a big believer that (and this for everything in life) when the time is right you will know. Maybe it has to come down to the notion of hitting what is to be your own personal rock bottom. At some point where you just hit a wall either physically, mentally....you get to a point where the cost of it cuts so deep that you just know you are done.

It sounds like you are getting close to being ready to do this for good! It's not fun anymore....that's a biggie. You feel really embarrassed by your behavior when drinking. Another motivating factor. You've obviously done your research on the vitamins for alcoholics. I really think you want to quit and you will. You are close to that point that changes everything.

A funny note on vitamins. I took all sorts of vitamins while I was drinking and I was convinced I was balancing out the damage from the alcohol. When I did stop drinking I was malnourished and discovered that my drinking was preventing nutrients from healthy food and vitamins from absorbing into my system. It's funny to me because I was in such denial and that looking back I thought I had it all figured out.

Arbor

Well said. Thanks for this Nuudawn. It always comes back to this powerless thing. We cannot control our consumption once we start. There are no guarantees.

Serenidad

You surrender. You truly acknowledge and believe that if you don't stop you will die. But you have to love yourself enough to want to live. It's hard but you can do it! Just surrender. (((Hug)))

JetIonic

Darn it! Someone gave a great suggestion that I have been using and I wanted to quote them, but now I can't find it! Anyway, the suggestion was to not have any money or credit cards on you when you went to work. That way, you could not stop at a bar or a liquor store on the way home. Gives you a chance to get home and think about it. Have done this yesterday and today and it has been GREAT! Thank you to who gave this suggestion, I am sorry I couldn't put your name to it.

JetIonic

I rode my bike 34 miles today - to and from work. And I did not have one single craving. In fact the thought of a cold beer made me want to gag. So I think that physical activity really makes a difference.

439trish

what a great thread, great discussions, the more I read on SR the more I feel like I am getting to know myself in so many ways, and it feels good. I see the real me in here, and then I go back out in the world and it is hard to take that me along everywhere I go, and I don't know how to change that. I have spent so much time with "my shield" up that I don't know how to stop.

don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but it is part of the battle that goes on in my head which is centered around alcoholism