Feeling better finally,,,but afraid to try something new
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 2
Feeling better finally,,,but afraid to try something new
Hi,
I am finally starting to feel like I can do something again, and maybe even feel a little better about myself. And I think being here is a part of that. Because it's three in the morning and I am looking for a way to not feel too lonely...especially if I am going to make an attempt to change a few things for the better.
First...I like to write and have sort of stopped. I am wondering, sort of, if there is anyone out there who would want to be penpals at all. It's one of my best ways of being a friend...enjoying writing and reading long messages with anyone who also likes that sort of things. I am pretty shy. I lost all of my friends this year, part of a hard year that there is no need to get into now.
Except that I am a nursing student..who is going to court for a felony charge next month. I have always been a very good girl, despite being very shy and often being very lonely, very anxious, and very depressed. But now I feel like I have destroyed my entire life...in five seconds. And I don't know how to move on.
I'm afraid I can't even get a job right now.
And, I smoke weed. I've had very determined moments in the past where I HATED marijuana and hated being high because of how paranoid and panicked I became. I was desperate to quit. Now I have an unexpected problem. I have very good things...like the perfect all around boyfriend, who is about to have a very good job that will marry me if I quit smoking. In the past, I've always been ready for something like this to make me happy and change. Grow out of my habit. But I've felt lately, with how low everything has gotten (I have to resist and not get into the whining) that....smoking is the only thing that gives me any sort of peace of mind. I am no longer an anxious mess while high. I can function. And, I think the whole idea of being so happy in a great relationship has kind of died in me. I used to be so idealistic. But, I've sort of just sunk into myself and can't get myself to like anything about myself. I have done HORRIBLE things in the past year. The only thing I have to hang on to is the good guy I am in a relationship with.
Well, I'm kind of just throwing this out there (and maybe embarrassing myself), in the hopes that maybe someone wouldn't mind becoming friends through messages or something like that. Nice replies would be appreciated too. I have this email address that I don't care about posting online:
Oh, I can't post an email. But maybe when I have 15 posts?
I am finally starting to feel like I can do something again, and maybe even feel a little better about myself. And I think being here is a part of that. Because it's three in the morning and I am looking for a way to not feel too lonely...especially if I am going to make an attempt to change a few things for the better.
First...I like to write and have sort of stopped. I am wondering, sort of, if there is anyone out there who would want to be penpals at all. It's one of my best ways of being a friend...enjoying writing and reading long messages with anyone who also likes that sort of things. I am pretty shy. I lost all of my friends this year, part of a hard year that there is no need to get into now.
Except that I am a nursing student..who is going to court for a felony charge next month. I have always been a very good girl, despite being very shy and often being very lonely, very anxious, and very depressed. But now I feel like I have destroyed my entire life...in five seconds. And I don't know how to move on.
I'm afraid I can't even get a job right now.
And, I smoke weed. I've had very determined moments in the past where I HATED marijuana and hated being high because of how paranoid and panicked I became. I was desperate to quit. Now I have an unexpected problem. I have very good things...like the perfect all around boyfriend, who is about to have a very good job that will marry me if I quit smoking. In the past, I've always been ready for something like this to make me happy and change. Grow out of my habit. But I've felt lately, with how low everything has gotten (I have to resist and not get into the whining) that....smoking is the only thing that gives me any sort of peace of mind. I am no longer an anxious mess while high. I can function. And, I think the whole idea of being so happy in a great relationship has kind of died in me. I used to be so idealistic. But, I've sort of just sunk into myself and can't get myself to like anything about myself. I have done HORRIBLE things in the past year. The only thing I have to hang on to is the good guy I am in a relationship with.
Well, I'm kind of just throwing this out there (and maybe embarrassing myself), in the hopes that maybe someone wouldn't mind becoming friends through messages or something like that. Nice replies would be appreciated too. I have this email address that I don't care about posting online:
Oh, I can't post an email. But maybe when I have 15 posts?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi and welcome marvandekamp 
We don't actually allow people to post email addresses here at all - we have a Private Message system you can use after 5 posts
You'll find a lot of good folk here and lots of potential friends. We also understand how hard it is to give up that last way of getting high, that last avenue of escape....
This is good community and a great place to be, especially if you want change. Glad you found us
D
We don't actually allow people to post email addresses here at all - we have a Private Message system you can use after 5 posts
You'll find a lot of good folk here and lots of potential friends. We also understand how hard it is to give up that last way of getting high, that last avenue of escape....
This is good community and a great place to be, especially if you want change. Glad you found us
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by marvandekamp 
Hi,
I am finally starting to feel like I can do something again, and maybe even feel a little better about myself.
Except that I am a nursing student..who is going to court for a felony charge next month. I have always been a very good girl, despite being very shy and often being very lonely, very anxious, and very depressed. But now I feel like I have destroyed my entire life...in five seconds. And I don't know how to move on.
I'm afraid I can't even get a job right now.
And, I smoke weed.
I am finally starting to feel like I can do something again, and maybe even feel a little better about myself.
Except that I am a nursing student..who is going to court for a felony charge next month. I have always been a very good girl, despite being very shy and often being very lonely, very anxious, and very depressed. But now I feel like I have destroyed my entire life...in five seconds. And I don't know how to move on.
I'm afraid I can't even get a job right now.
And, I smoke weed.
Hi.
Congratulations on looking at your situation in an honest manner.
I’m a hardliner so hopefully something clicks with you.
In the program you might have a sponsor who understands and helps you over the bumps.
#1 thing to remember is we have a disease called alcoholism which can lead to a horrible life and then death, because it’s progressive if we continue to drink, look it up.
It’s very powerful, cunning, baffling and insidious, without help very few can recover
I’m not sure about alcohol tests once you have your license but a bad drug test is nothing you want to mess with.
In the fellowship it would be strongly suggested to avoid ANY alcohol and or drugs to be sober.
It works one day at a time in a row that we don’t drink or drug.
A big problem most have is being honest with themselves about their drinking AND accepting that we cannot drink in safety.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Welcome Marvandekamp. Plenty of supportive people here. I suggest just keep posting here in the newcomers forum. You'll be surprised how many people can relate to your situation. I pushed many friends away too and feel the guilt and shame on a daily basis. One of the things that keeps me going is knowing that there are other people out there who share my experience with addiction and I am not just a terrible person.
Been sober 11 months now mainly because I reached out to places like this forum and realized I can't do it alone.
Been sober 11 months now mainly because I reached out to places like this forum and realized I can't do it alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
The problem with habitual weed smoking is people tend to get dependent on habitual weed smoking. For most people weed isn't a life-wrecker, but chemical dependence is sort of a pain in the ass. When part of your life is all drug-sparkly it tends to bring down your enjoyment of the rest of life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 48
Welcome! You will find lots of support here. One thought - I hope you will consider putting down the weed and learn to live sober, really sober. Alcohol and weed both numb how you experience life and you need to learn how to feel things without numbing/inebriation.
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