I drink I drank I drunk
 

Time to toss in the towel forever, outpatient inpatient, I don't listen, post crazy or sober what ever, I am going to give up, I drank tonight. Not like any other night, so much going well but I stick to it. This urge it gets me, it always gets me, and the boom pow.

This isn't new to this community, I do it all the time i am the consummate failure, no program no nothing helps me. I lose, want me to define failure, I can't, I just live it.

So with that, I think I should go, and allow thieve forums to exist for those that really want it, with that I give up.... I am not goint to kick this habit because I don't know how.

Outpatient again on Monday, but right now I don't think I've added anything to anyone. Maybe time to realize I don't deserve this, and never have. Sobriety and Jeremy are foreign I just don't want this community to see the down fall and then poof one day gone, so maybe I should just end it on my own accord and say goodbye.

Goodbye and good luck, start the clock again, I really have no answers just depressed and stupid at this late hour. Again, and again and agin I try and fall to temptation. I so diluted, I am sick of people seeing this.... Good day and good luck.

Hell on earth!

Don't give up. As long as u keep on trying I will get there.
Xxxx life is worth fighting for

Tomorrow's a new day my friend. I got my battles, you got yours. We get up and get back at it. Stick with it bud!
-Ted

Well I don't know you.
I'm new here.
I've never seen you fail before.
I don't mind that you expressed openly about your feelings..
It actually is helpful for me to read your post, cause I can see that I'm not the only one who's rinsed and repeated time after time.
Believe me, I understand hopelessness and failure. I'm VERY familiar with those two things.
Tomorrow is always a new day.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck!

Hang in there, don't give up. Drink water and go to bed. Come back to SR tomorrow and post.

I think sometimes we can find being the 'failure' really familiar Jeremy...especially when we're on the cusp of something new and scary...

here's something to consider...being sober and staying on your meds is always going to be scary.... until you do it, and you make it work.

The more times you baulk at it and drink again, the harder it will be to get back to a point where you can try again.

You can be the drunken failure if you want...but if you do, you'll never get to be that marvellous dad husband and good guy you wrote about a few days back.

It's a big call.

Good things come with a price...the price is change, and change is scary.

I think you can handle it...but you need to believe it yourself...and you'll never believe if you keep baulking at the last minute and never try....

D

Here we go again, Jeremy. You need INPATIENT treatment. Left to your own devices, you go through this pattern every few days. One day you're all excited about sobriety and a few days later, you post things like this.

You canNOT handle this on your own. Outpatient isn't working for you because you get to go home afterward and then you find excuses to drink. You know this is true, Jeremy.

That's sad to hear mate. Lift your head high and try again!

I don't know, left to my own devices I am dangerous and stupid. I have the gumption to ask for help, but doubt the help and become a relapse expert.If I had the answers I would end this cycle, it sucks, and its a death trap.....Sad part about it all is I know and I can't stop me.

Jeremy, inpatient treatment will take those decisions out of your hands. They will clear your system of alcohol and then teach you how to keep it that way. If you truly want to live a sober life, then you NEED inpatient help. I know it's scary! But do it anyway.

Inpatient and intesive care is what I need, I get it, but man does that worry me. However, there comes a time that excuses have to run out and I am afraid mine have.

I'm not going to agree with all this self loathing stuff J - it's just deflection anyway from the real issue.

You need to surrender - not to drinking, but recovery. I think the solution for you is to find the willingness to take some directions.

Let someone else make the decisions for a while.

Like Suki says inpatient should still be your preferred option and I hope you give yourself the chance to take it.

D

Yes, they have run out. Once you get through inpatient treatment (which isn't bad at all), you will wonder why you fought it for so long. I can guarantee that. Do it, Jeremy. You will feel SOOOOO much better.

good luck tdg
 

...it is inevitable that you will get back on a sober streak. Idont know anyone who's got to where they want to go by walking in a totally straight line

Im really painting myself crazy an reluctat, I struggle with being m. Sad and dejected I go forth, alcoholism is a battle I am losing.

Probably time to hit the sack Jeremy - you'll feel better about things tomorrow sober.

D

You will only lose that battle, Jeremy, if you lay down and allow it to happen. You have many good reasons to fight. It's up to you whether you feel those reasons are sufficient to surrender to what you know you need.

alcohol has kicked all of our asses but you cant let it win, unless you look forward to agonizing death or jail. the back and forth you are doing is going to get someone hurt. you are only this sad when you are drunk. when sober you are always hopeful. earlier today i read about a great therapist at your outpatient. i was so happy for you. I agree with suki, you have to go inpatient.

i'm so sorry you are going through this.

The only real failure is the failure to try..... J pick yourself back up dust yourself down

The longer you put it off the more this will happen J you can do this you just gotta do it

I wish you every bit of luck in staying sober