least

I am excited just to wake up every morning feeling good.

Soberpotamus

No more drug induced euphoria. If I experience excitement now it is authentic.

ComplexLifeForm

Hi Lusher,

That void is what usually causes relapses. You are unable to understand what to do. It can be difficult to deal with since we don't realize that slowly we have build our own life around our addiction/habit. And when it is not there it is natural to feel void and emptiness in the life which reminds of the lost time where we could have done so much with our life.

I hope you soon find out something that makes you happy to fill your void
I too am looking to fill my void.

Regards

courage2

I get this. I discovered in a rather unpleasant way that with decades of drinking, my whole motivational system revolved around the reward of drinking -- even when drinking didn't feel rewarding anymore, my thinking was trained to expect it as a reward, and not feel motivated without it.

So I've been retraining my head. Teaching it new rewards. A reward can be anything you like that you give yourself when there's that internal need to recognize a job well done -- getting through a work week, a business meeting, a tough day. If you had drinking rituals, develop sober rituals for Friday nights with the girlfriend.

It takes regular practice, but retraining the motivation system is really a pretty simple kind of conditioning that is extremely effective. You'll learn to salivate for that smoothie!

HenryKrinkle

Lusher -

I totally get where you are coming from. I sometimes feel the same way too, although I feel it less and less the longer I've been sober.

Looking forward to weekends as an example. I think sometimes Friday and Saturday night do seem a little non-exciting simply because they become just like any other night of the week, where before, it was a time where I could really let my hair down, and do things that I generally wouldn't do on a weekday.

And, frankly, I don't look forward to going out to dinner nearly as much as I did before. I mainly looked forward to dinners out because it was a time when I could loosen up with a bunch of drinks with family and friends. Now that the drinks part of it isn't in the equation, yeah, I don't look forward to it as much. That's just the way it is and I've had to adjust to not having something that I used to enjoy.

I know people say you need to find other things to fill the void left when drinking went away, but I already had a very full life even when I was drinking. I have lots of hobbies and interests that I frequently did when I was or wasn't drinking. So, "filling the void" with new activities rings a little hollow for me.

What I've ended up doing is I've re-framed the issue. Instead of missing excitement, I try to look forward to the sense of peace I get from not drinking. Going out to dinner isn't something I really look forward to anymore, but I sure do look forward to coming home afterward with a clear head, relaxing, and then going to bed at reasonable hour, and waking up the next day, ready to be productive. That's something I really do look forward to, and something I know I can't have when I'm drinking.

Hawks

Totally does, at first.

DarkDays

Nearly 3 years sober . Weekends are infinitely better now, I can run at 630am and have the whole day to chill relax read do what I want . Old days was drink fri night till 2am be in a morose state with dark thoughts sat/ sun. It's a terrifying thought going back to drinking and signing my life away . Takes time but social events for me anyway are so much better now , I am so cool being sober now , smug yeh I know but I can't help myself

foolsgold66

it means less artificial addiction-driven mental states. If you wanna call that less excitement, ok.

LexieCat

I get it--yeah, sobriety doesn't provide the "rush" that we got used to.

Way I look at it, the "rush" is just one of those fake things we were chasing with the drinking. It feels good for a little bit but ultimately not worth the cost.

Sounds like you're on a good path--congrats on your sober time!

Dee74

I'd spent years kneeling at the altar of immediate gratification.

It took me maybe a couple of years to get out of that mindset and stop rewarding myself with chocolate, books, movies, CD or whatever.

I did a lot of work on myself - inner work - here, by myself and with a counsellor - I identified the void and instead of trying to fill it, I started to look at ways to heal it.

I changed what I could about myself and my life and I accepted the rest...it was the start of a lasting serenity for me.

I stopped thinking about the destination and got engrossed in the journey. I kept mioving, but I started to think that wherever I was might just be where I was meant to be.

and so.... Serenity.

I foolishly thought that would be the end of that part of the journey...but no LOL.

Now I've moved back into the city and I'm re-engaging again in social ways that I haven't much for years.

I'm not sure I've ever been this busy and this peaceful at the same time.

The whole point I'm making here is...the very best things take time.

Think about your void...think about that space and how you might heal it rather than filling it...

heal it and the rest of your life should fall in line behind it Lusher.

D

EndGameNYC

I’m sure I've commented on this before. I’ll try to simplify an ungodly complicated set of interactions and physiological processes as best I can.

There is a very complicated relationship among stress and stress responses that includes both neuronal/neurotransmitter and endocrine/hormonal regulation and responses. There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of textbooks on this very topic.

We’re built in a way that our bodies seek homeostasis or equilibrium in virtually all areas of functioning, and this is particularly true in response to stress. In scientific terms, stress is not what we may perceive as unmanageable external events, or external events that are beyond our control, but internal biochemical and physiological states and processes that work to maintain a steady internal state. Acute but temporary states of stress and the accompanying responses are manageable, but chronic and continuous states or processes are not, and they can cause a great deal of physiological and psychological damage.

Continuous drinking causes the body to produce both dopamine and adrenaline, each of which acts as both a hormone (slower acting) and a neurotransmitter (faster acting). Dopamine helps to account for the pleasurable feelings linked to drinking alcohol, including the anticipation of drinking, and adrenaline helps to account for feelings of excitement around drinking. Drinking essentially produces both. “Normal drinkers” can and do benefit from small amounts of alcohol in response to stress. Problems arise with heavy drinkers because the production of both dopamine and adrenaline is continuously stimulated and, as a result, we become addicted not just to the booze, but the pleasurable feelings that accompany both hormones/neurotransmitters. (This accounts for, in part, the higher incidence of alcoholism among those people who suffer from PTSD and other anxiety disorders.) Our bodies are continuously adapting to radical changes in physiological processes and behaviors which, again, are harmful in terms of normal functioning. This also accounts for the false beliefs that we can do or accomplish things while we’re drinking at a higher level than we actually can...such as sex and driving. We are essentially emboldened on an atomic, chemical level.

This chronic overproduction of chemicals that are best suited for fight-or-flight situations can cause permanent damage to moods, appetite, sleep, digestion, fear and fear responses, risk-taking behaviors, and sex and sexuality which, in turn, then adversely affect other regulatory physiological processes. The functioning of the central nervous system and the peripheral nervous system (particularly their responsiveness and effectiveness) are dramatically compromised, and not always just temporarily. Having become addicted to the once-reliable highs that accompanied drinking alcohol, we develop greater tolerance for the effects of the pleasure/excitement-inducing chemicals, and we increase our intake (or at the very least, are disinclined to decrease it) in search of the now-faded high upon which we came to rely. So we substitute. We create drama, conflict, confrontation, and other stress-inducing situations (like staying away from work for a time, dealing with hangovers every day, rushing around to get ourselves together for work and other commitments, or just getting through the day feeling like shite) which, even though they may stimulate negative emotions, also contribute to the production of chemicals that we experience as pleasing.

To me, the formidable physiological factors that contribute to anxiety, depression, insomnia...disturbances in appetite, mood and overall functioning, are greatly underemphasized, providing as they do a well-studied and verifiable explanation as to why we feel so badly at the end of our drinking and then during early sobriety (using one-to-twelve months or more as a convention). In this regard, biology always wins. This reality is confirmed by some of the crazy and high-risk things we do when we relapse (or while we are continuing to drink), the importance of the chemical high dramatically overshadowing personal health and safety (both ours and others); disregarding serious, immediate and potentially irreversible consequences; and even placing our lives at risk. (One could argue that this accounts for the reality that people diagnosed with bipolar depression or with other manic states that are chronic have a more difficult time putting down the drink than others.)

Chronic relapsers, when asked, will often report that they have no effective strategy for managing stress and, as a result, their relapses are no accident. Many of us, after having gotten into the habit of dealing with stress by drinking (usually drinking heavily), are at tremendous risk for relapse when stress again emerges (and it always will), and in the absence of our not making it our business to learn more adaptive responses for stress management. (Stress responses have both a genetic component (what I’ll call “temperament) and an environmental component, i.e., we can actually learn how to deal with stress by observing those in our environment, healthy or otherwise, and a predisposition for problems with alcohol will typically override more adaptive strategies.)

Most people adept at either creating or being drawn to what we refer to as “drama” in their lives will adamantly deny this is so (and they often come with a troupe of enablers in this regard), preferring instead to lay blame on the people and circumstances in their lives. But such an attachment is both real and destructive, and is a strong predictor for future relapsing, among much else. As at least one person here commented, things like skydiving, deep-sea diving, and other risky activities can take the place of the high we get from drinking -- not to mention the often incredibly stressful situations we create while drinking -- and some people flourish with such alternatives. I’d likely be much more concerned about a person who doesn’t report periods of boredom and a lack of interest in early sobriety than otherwise.

Soberwolf

Thank you Lusher pm me anytime

sickofthiscrap

I've been struggling with this issue lately. I'm only sober 2.5 months so the way I see it, it will take time to rebuild my life.

But I definitely miss the excitement of my old drinking life. The thing that helps me is to remember that the days when it was, actually, exciting were fairly early in my drinking career, before it had developed into a serious addiction. Even if I pick up a drink now, I won't be able to recapture those days. Going out for a drinking weekend wasn't exciting for me at the end, it was the monotony of embarrassing behaviour and crippling hangovers.

I actually walked past a house party last night, there were people there drinking and laughing on a porch. And I thought, that looks fun, I miss that. But that was me fifteen years ago, not me last year, and I can never go back to me fifteen years ago. If I start drinking again I will very quickly be where I was just before I quit, and that wasn't exciting, it was just scary.

grubby

Unfortunately, i believe the author is correct.

Whether we like it or not, the fact of the matter is that alcohol is deeply engrained in "the night life", at least in most of the western countries. There's just no way around it, peer pressure doesn't help matters either.

i'm of the opinion that older folk have an easier time in this regard, since by and large their bar-going and social years are "behind" them. Younger folk have a different experience, as there's no shortage of opportunities, offers, and situations involving alcohol or even just leading to it.

Just another hurdle for us, that's all. I'll be sober 1 year in February, i'd be lying if i said random offers to "have some drinks" haven't come up here and there. I simply politely turned them down.

Verte

Lusher, I hear you.

Grubby, it is interesting that you write this and in the context of what EndGame writes:

This is the first time in my life where I find myself being still. When my younger self was not drinking, my time can be viewed as being filled with hyper-risk, activity, injury, stress, excitement, travel. Inherent reward. As an aside, the Dean of my University once asked me why I feel driven to accomplish the things that most scare me? My response was that then they are done, over and no longer looming as a possibility. As if there existed a finite excitement/terror checklist of sorts.

My body gave out, retaliated, and the only one not so surprised by this is me. There is a high probability, given my history, that I would still be going balls to the walls if I could sustain that pace and alcohol had not held such a prominent, destructive place in my life. No more 'stirring it up' for me. Grubby, I sure did stir it up in my youth and now that needs to be done.

I suppose what I saying is that I understand. I'm sitting here quite still for the first time in my life. Figuring things out. When I first came here to SR it was like I was coming up for air for the first time in however many years. As many relate. Almost like being on a new planet.

Right now I am figuring out ways to find lasting calm (while maintaining life, that is). Dampen any areas of inflammation.

Lusher, thanks for this thread. Thanks for the perspectives. My future without alcohol actually appears differently now from before I read these insightful posts. Good things to consider.

Croissant

EndGame and LTV, thanks so much for your generous posts. Can relate to both.

Lusher, I found reading about Euphoric Recall helped me to get a better handle on why my brain associates "excitement" with alcohol. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it's a bitter pill to swallow that I can't be the, "Funtimes, let's go for a couple of drinks", girl - then come home and have a cup of tea and go to bed.

But I'm just not that girl anymore. The reality is, when I'd meet people for drinks, I'd be filled with dread (if I even made it out the house), or the event would be so tiring while I measured my drinks....it was rarely exciting. I realised the "excitement" was linked to my earlier days, just when I started to become within the grasp of alcoholism.

But my brain tries the sales campaign on me that it was ALWAYS exciting. Sadly, It was not.

DarkDays

Brilliant post.

Sums it all up.

lillyknitting

I totally and utterly understand. I went through exactly the same thoughts. To be honest the thought of standing in a pub all night like I used to would bore me to death now. The thought of standing there partaking in mindless small talk to the people we used to meet up with, yawn!! This is where

1. We see it all for what it really is, and
2. I had to change my life/social life or I knew I would never remain sober.

I had to stop going to those predominantly drinking events. I go to restaurants, I will go to parties, then leave when I've had enough, I will go to the pub if there's a band on & have a great night dancing, then drive home when I've had enough.

I've always done my knitting, so I plan my projects whereby I have to finish something over the weekend, keeps me sober & excited as well, a complete new outfit. This applies to anyone with any hobby or pastime they enjoy.

It takes a bit of getting used to but my new life is immeasurably better than the old one. Not e eryone boozed their life away. Start mixing with people that don't just drink their weekend away & spend half of it recuperating.

lillyknitting

Definitely, definitely, definitely

AdmimalBlueEyes

Alcohol is a depresent , so id say life is more exiting without it, I feel, taste smell and hear much better when I'm not hungover. Also when I'm not drinking I'm free to do anything I want to besides drinking , when I am drinking , that is the only thing I do besides work and eat , and those to things are second to my drinking