matilda123

Thinking good thoughts for you, twentyfive. And congratulations for stopping drinking and going to bed. That isn't easy.

I drank to drown trauma (childhood trauma). I'm very new at sobriety but I'm starting to see that while it seemed like it helped me, it actually is why, at 45, I've been stuck for quite a while in a lot of areas of my life. As a good friend told me once, the only way to get through trauma sometimes is to go through it.

breath

Most of us can TOTALLY relate...been there, done that. We're here for you, for each other, come to our online meetings, chatroom, send a Private Message. Keep In TOuch. SR.com is a great resource for anyone's recovery.

Welcome Aboard!

Dee74

Some really good advice here twentyfive...and if you're gonna use the I'm powerless bit when you're drinking, remember to use it the next time you feel the urge to pick up a beer as well.

If you don't strike the match you can't light the fire

D
D

Hevyn

Twentyfive, Very glad you came back. We all understand how miserable you're feeling right now - but the end of this madness can be near. Please keep posting and reading here - you're in good company and you're never alone. You can do this.

biminiblue

How are you today, twentyfive?

Just for today: Don't buy any alcohol, okay? Please eat some food and drink a lot of water. Do only stuff that is good for you for today.

We are here. There is plenty of support, and lots of people here who understand if you ever want to talk.

sprout50

Hey Twentyfive, I hope you come back. The first few days can be rough but there is a lot of support here for you.

twentyfive

The encouragement is really helping.

Good news: didn't drink so far. I had overlooked two cans last night when I threw it all out. Why is it that you have to chase booze when you want it and it's just there when you don't? But I threw them out.

Today was heavy. I woke up early, 9 PM. Which is early for me. I had the intent to not drink and the trauma came up. Which sent me right back to bed, I couldn't handle the day today. Spent the day in a cycle of sleeping, having flash-backs, crying, waking up in terror, covered in sweat.

I didn't want to get out of bed but I needed to go to the bathroom. And then I looked at myself and told myself: "You have to get yourself together man. This can't go on."

So I stayed out of bed. I've calmed down a bit but feel like going to bed again. And I think I will. One step at a time. I won't drink today, which is huge for me.

biminiblue

Yay. Great job.

I understand those automatic negative thoughts. They are a habit/obsession we get into and those patterns have to be broken.

When you have the thoughts of your past come in to your head, think of something else. A beach, a mountain, look out the window at a tree ... I used to ruminate over all the woe-is-me I could come up with. I was causing my own misery.

Don't torture yourself with your own thoughts.

2muchpain

I went through the same thing you are dealing with now. I pretty much stayed in bed for the first two days, with the occasional trip to the bathroom. That was pretty much all I could handle. Sick, sweating like crazy, headaches, shaking, etc. It's like spending time in h**l. I started to feel a little more normal by the third day, but it took me a week to start feeling good.
As hard as it might be, try to drink some water and eat something, even if it is just a little. It will help a lot.
If things do get too rough for you, I hope you are open to going to an ER for help. Doing it alone can be pretty risky. John

twentyfive

Day 2. Slept poorly. I felt terrified all the time, for no reason. I woke up often during the night already feeling terrified. I really have no clue why.

But well, I didn't drink for a day and today I want to and don't want to at the same time. Now that I've taken the step to quit, I just want that sobriety to continue.

Physically I'm not feeling much. I expected to feel miserable but I only had a slight headache for 10 minutes or so during the night.

Mostly I feel terrified for no reason I can find.

The trauma isn't as bad anymore. It seems like the beer made it so it could never be resolved. But now I can deal with it pretty well. It kind of feels like a cruel joke. I became an alcoholic because of it while it would have been dealt with for a long time by now had I not started drinking.

twentyfive

****, ****, ****!!! Fortunately this forum censors swearwords because I really needed to get that out of my system.

I'm drinking AGAIN! I thought I was doing well and then I made up some rationalizations to not only drink, but to drink a LOT.

Reality/truth: I just wanted to drink.

What I told myself: "Just one last time, so I can give it closure. Just enjoy it one more time and move on tomorrow." And this particularly bad one: "Just drink so much it makes you really hung over so you'll never want it again".

Damn, if that last one worked, I had quit years ago.

I just don't know how to do this. It sounds so simple. Just quit. How??

AAARGHH... Sorry. I'm just angry, fed-up and frustrated...

Hawk07

I went on countless one last time hoorays. Each time getting worse. The key is not to give up. Don't beat yourself up too much. What can you do differently today? You can stay sober for a start.... How can you do that? Plan it. One day at a time.

Hawk07

Also, if you go to the alcoholism forum on this site there is some golden info at the very top. Tips to fight cravings, ideas of things to do instead of drinking. An excerpt from a book called under the influence that I found very helpful. Keep posting. You can do this

ardy

Hi Twentyfive... you have taken the best step of your life on a path that will have its dark moments.. clean kiddo clean your room your house and your kitchen hit that bathroom like a demon.. change the smell of your living area and it will help clear your mind and your body.. Tea not the bag kind.. go to a tea place and find a tea that makes you think of something Holiday or from your past and not sugar but Honey for the tea.. this will help wash junk out of your system.. yep.. will help you sleep as well.. golly what a great Christmas present you have given yourself.. the Life to live sober and open to new thoughts and energy and life.. you hang on to this group of Swells for they have all walked in your shoes.. and you need new shoes.. love ardy. and so many many prayers from Wisconsin....

doggonecarl

Putting down the alcohol is just the first step. The most important step, but just the first in a journey.

There is a lot involved with recovery. Dealing with the trauma you spoke about. Learning to recognize the tricks our addiction plays on us to get us to drink. Recovery means work on your part to stay sober once the decision has been made to quit.

Just quit. Sounds simple. Perhaps your problem was thinking simple was the same as easy. It's not, but it is more difficult than we realized. It's also quite doable.

So do it. Day one!

biminiblue

oops.

The anxiety/fear/terror? That is due to the withdrawal from alcohol. Do some online research on the physical aspects of alcohol withdrawal. Alcohol is a depressant. When you stop using it, your central nervous system goes into overdrive. Your heart rate increases. This causes the feeling of anxiety/fear. This feeling will go away in a couple days. Every time you pick up again, you have to go through a worse withdrawal the next time. Google "kindling".

Stay off it for two weeks. I guarantee you'll feel better than you have for years.

JanieJ

Hey 25, keep trying, my friend.

You need a way to recognise and deal with the cravings. And something to fill your time, when you start feeling better. Plenty of tips on the net and this site. Have you considered going to AA yet, or read up about other recovery programs ?

I've had so many false starts over the years I've lost count. We all have.

Don't give up ,you can do this.

twentyfive

Good to know that the terror is a withdrawal symptom.

To be honest, I'm quite drunk right now. Out of beer. I nodded off for a while, had a nightmare and woke up on my couch with the beer cans I had put on my table all over the flooe. Must have kicke din my sleep. Or fell duringn a blackout though I don't hve bruises.

Gonna crawl nito bed. Tomorrow another chance. I will never give up.

twentyfive

@JanieJ, I'm gooing to look for help tomorrow. Call my doctor during the phone whateveritscalled. Sorry Im barely here.

It's where you can call your doc for a consultation. Gonna set my alarm clock for that. And them /I';ll see what happens.

Dallow

We're all in this mess. And I also always wanted ONE LAST DAY. and then another...and another. I am not one to give advice as I'm just on the path of sobriety myself and I don't know how it will go. Just to support you. F**k this ****. I'm so sick of it. I believe you are too. Glad you're here, we need you!