Severely Depressed
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
it really is the most soul destroying pain i have ever felt in my life time, its been 2 years for me since losing my son who was just 16 and his pain is still living on inside of me every dam day
after the funeral i was able to cope for a short while, then all of sudden i just retreated inside myself
i stayed in bed a lot of the time as i couldnt face the world
i couldnt even go to my aa meetings that i loved with all my heart as hearing people talk about how much a god had saved them crushed me
my sponsor was the only aa links i had and he was with me everyday via phone contact etc
i went to see the dr who offered me out all sorts of pills which i refused as i dont ever want any mind atlering drugs in my system
i had to just go through the pain and learn how to live with it daily
i still have a huge whole in my heart its like losing the love of your life but with no chance to ever get over it
talk about it, talk about how your feeling and cry as much as you can
there is no help for us my friend that can remove the pain and for me i can never believe in a god either not after watching what my son went through it was just to cruel to have to watch
when you want to take away a kids pain and you can do nothing but sit back and watch helpless as they slowly die infront of your eyes its just a killing blow
i loved my son with all my heart he means the world to me he suffered enough in this world with my drinking and his mums drinking he desereved to have a good peaceful life as he was just so sweet in his nature
but this is life it can be cruel for no reason at all and we have to just cope with it and get on with it
i know it all looks so dark now and i understand totally how destroyed you will be but we have to just keep on plodiing on with daily living there is no other way
xmas is coming and for me it used to be the most exciting time in my life as i would spoil the kids with lost of presents for them to open on xmas morning etc
its not going to happen this year nor the other years as its not just me who is feeling it its my other kids as well as they have lost a brother and i have to be both mum and dad to them when i want to run away from it all
i have no choice my kids need me as there mum is still out there drinking and is no use to anyone in her state
the one thing that has got me moving again is to start to try to help others again around aa
i have to let all my bad feelings go when i hear the god talk and i have to try to be happy that those guys have such a good life
its dam hard work but its work i must do otherwise i will end up being bitter and resentful etc
so i take things one day at a time, i will be out to a meeting tonight and hopfully there will be someone in need of help there tonight as that is how i cope with losing myself and my pain for a while
so its always on going work but i do know it does work for me
my heart goes out to you my friend as i can fully understand just how much its killing you inside
i wish i had a magic wand and that no one had to lose a child in life but even today there are parents out there who are going to lose there child we are not on our own with it and my heart goes out to them all.
keep ploding on my friend thats all we can do
after the funeral i was able to cope for a short while, then all of sudden i just retreated inside myself
i stayed in bed a lot of the time as i couldnt face the world
i couldnt even go to my aa meetings that i loved with all my heart as hearing people talk about how much a god had saved them crushed me
my sponsor was the only aa links i had and he was with me everyday via phone contact etc
i went to see the dr who offered me out all sorts of pills which i refused as i dont ever want any mind atlering drugs in my system
i had to just go through the pain and learn how to live with it daily
i still have a huge whole in my heart its like losing the love of your life but with no chance to ever get over it
talk about it, talk about how your feeling and cry as much as you can
there is no help for us my friend that can remove the pain and for me i can never believe in a god either not after watching what my son went through it was just to cruel to have to watch
when you want to take away a kids pain and you can do nothing but sit back and watch helpless as they slowly die infront of your eyes its just a killing blow
i loved my son with all my heart he means the world to me he suffered enough in this world with my drinking and his mums drinking he desereved to have a good peaceful life as he was just so sweet in his nature
but this is life it can be cruel for no reason at all and we have to just cope with it and get on with it
i know it all looks so dark now and i understand totally how destroyed you will be but we have to just keep on plodiing on with daily living there is no other way
xmas is coming and for me it used to be the most exciting time in my life as i would spoil the kids with lost of presents for them to open on xmas morning etc
its not going to happen this year nor the other years as its not just me who is feeling it its my other kids as well as they have lost a brother and i have to be both mum and dad to them when i want to run away from it all
i have no choice my kids need me as there mum is still out there drinking and is no use to anyone in her state
the one thing that has got me moving again is to start to try to help others again around aa
i have to let all my bad feelings go when i hear the god talk and i have to try to be happy that those guys have such a good life
its dam hard work but its work i must do otherwise i will end up being bitter and resentful etc
so i take things one day at a time, i will be out to a meeting tonight and hopfully there will be someone in need of help there tonight as that is how i cope with losing myself and my pain for a while
so its always on going work but i do know it does work for me
my heart goes out to you my friend as i can fully understand just how much its killing you inside
i wish i had a magic wand and that no one had to lose a child in life but even today there are parents out there who are going to lose there child we are not on our own with it and my heart goes out to them all.
keep ploding on my friend thats all we can do
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
I was afraid of taking medication that would "mess with my mind". I didn't trust it. But, as my depression deepened, I realized that I had to explore things outside of my comfort zone. So, I acquiesced and consented to taking the antidepressant. I didn't get "happy" or anything like that. It provided a platform for me to stand on while I worked on my grief thru counseling. I highly recommend you look into this combo-approach to deal with your grief. Take care
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 334
I've been dealing with severe depression and anxiety too over the last 4 months. I've been on ADs in the past, and I've been resisting going back on them.
Last week I went to my doctor and asked to be put back on meds because it wasn't getting better. It was getting worse.
I'm exhausted from fighting this on my own. Worn out. I needed help and I finally reached out for the life line.
Last week I went to my doctor and asked to be put back on meds because it wasn't getting better. It was getting worse.
I'm exhausted from fighting this on my own. Worn out. I needed help and I finally reached out for the life line.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I'm very sorry, MIR... I think that you have handled this loss like a true hero, and you are still handling yourself well recognizing and admitting that you are in a dark place and would need to do something about it.
Many good suggestions here. Mine would be that you see a therapist first. Grief counseling and related groups may be good, but perhaps there is more to this than grief... and that's not always easy to figure out on our own or resolve by medication only. Yes an MD (even psychiatrist) might focus on prescribing meds for you, unless they have specific training / interest in psychotherapy and such. They might be able to refer you though, so either way can work.
Not sure what's available to you where you live, but if you have access to larger institutions such as medical schools etc, that might be a good place to go because they will have a network and many options for referrals etc. I work for a large med school and see the traffic of these referrals all the time. Often you could call or email these institutions and discuss your problem and options (on the phone and during an initial interview) with someone before you go to see a specific doctor or therapist. I think this is always good if you are unsure what you really need/want.
Nothing to do with loss, but I used this approach myself back in the spring, investigated two different places and tried a therapist that was "assigned" to me for a little while, before I found the one I'm seeing now and who is just perfect for me, and I found him through the network of those institutions. It was a complex approach and took some time, but I don't regret it. I personally would recommend this to anyone over simply just seeing their gp... finding the actual right therapeutic approach for you... but again, depends on what's available locally.
If you can have grief counseling, that's also a good start to see if it helps enough.
Many good suggestions here. Mine would be that you see a therapist first. Grief counseling and related groups may be good, but perhaps there is more to this than grief... and that's not always easy to figure out on our own or resolve by medication only. Yes an MD (even psychiatrist) might focus on prescribing meds for you, unless they have specific training / interest in psychotherapy and such. They might be able to refer you though, so either way can work.
Not sure what's available to you where you live, but if you have access to larger institutions such as medical schools etc, that might be a good place to go because they will have a network and many options for referrals etc. I work for a large med school and see the traffic of these referrals all the time. Often you could call or email these institutions and discuss your problem and options (on the phone and during an initial interview) with someone before you go to see a specific doctor or therapist. I think this is always good if you are unsure what you really need/want.
Nothing to do with loss, but I used this approach myself back in the spring, investigated two different places and tried a therapist that was "assigned" to me for a little while, before I found the one I'm seeing now and who is just perfect for me, and I found him through the network of those institutions. It was a complex approach and took some time, but I don't regret it. I personally would recommend this to anyone over simply just seeing their gp... finding the actual right therapeutic approach for you... but again, depends on what's available locally.
If you can have grief counseling, that's also a good start to see if it helps enough.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,850
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j...80185997,d.aWw
MIR, the loss of a child is like no other loss. This link will take you to the chapter locator for Compassionate Friends, a group dedicated solely to providing support to bereaved parents. It appears that their chapters close to you. I found this group after the death of my son and was affiliated with the group for about eleven years, eventually as a facilitator. It was extremely beneficial.
Perhaps, you could also find a therapist who specializes in grief therapy for face to face support. Hospice groups also provide grief counseling so you may wish to contact a hospice provider in your area.
You are frequently in my thoughts, dear MIR.
MIR, the loss of a child is like no other loss. This link will take you to the chapter locator for Compassionate Friends, a group dedicated solely to providing support to bereaved parents. It appears that their chapters close to you. I found this group after the death of my son and was affiliated with the group for about eleven years, eventually as a facilitator. It was extremely beneficial.
Perhaps, you could also find a therapist who specializes in grief therapy for face to face support. Hospice groups also provide grief counseling so you may wish to contact a hospice provider in your area.
You are frequently in my thoughts, dear MIR.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Another thought...you are in Grand Rapids so this might be a bit of a hike for you. But the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor has a Depression Center that specifically focuses on that. Great place! I wish I lived in MI again to avail myself to it.
University of Michigan Depression Center
University of Michigan Depression Center
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Notimetoloose 
I am so sorry MIR, You have been through so much...I am wondering if you would consider a grief
counselor...with one that you feel comfortable with, they can help you through your loss...
Also, have you still quit smoking...the reason I ask is that when I gave up smoking I suffered from PAWS,
I had that awful scrambled brain for months, it is well documented and takes quite a while for the brain to adjust....
It is wonderful that you have posted, talking about how you feel is a very strong thing to so.
counselor...with one that you feel comfortable with, they can help you through your loss...
Also, have you still quit smoking...the reason I ask is that when I gave up smoking I suffered from PAWS,
I had that awful scrambled brain for months, it is well documented and takes quite a while for the brain to adjust....
It is wonderful that you have posted, talking about how you feel is a very strong thing to so.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Hi MIR, my heart breaks for you . I also can't even think how hard it would be to lose a child. When I lost loved ones, I drank. When I was depressed, I drank. I quit drinking and had to deal with pain I tried to drown. You have been given some good suggestions, and I really have nothing to add, except that I am here for you. You are in my prayers. My heart breaks for the pain you must be feeling.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
MIR, I am so sorry that you are dealing with the loss of your daughter. The pain must be enormous. I hope you take the suggestion of therapy or grief recovery group, along with possibly trying out some medication. The medication may give you the lift you need to move forward through your grief.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,490
I just wanted to say I am so very sorry for your loss MIR 
A visit to an MD will definitely be of some real help, whether for medication or referral on to other services. Depression of any kind is very hard to live with, I know. xxx
A visit to an MD will definitely be of some real help, whether for medication or referral on to other services. Depression of any kind is very hard to live with, I know. xxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 205
I'm so sorry for what you have been through and continue to struggle with. I suffer from depression too but have not been through anything nearly as difficult as the death of a child.
If you see your primary care physician, he/she probably would give you a pill and send you on your way. That's what mine did, but she didn't know any better. It wasn't until I started seeing an actual psychiatrist that I felt I was being prescribed the right medication. Psychs are trained to treat depression (among other things), general practitioners are not.
Counseling has always helped me. And I know there are support groups for people who are in grieving. Personally, it helps me to talk to people who understand just how I feel.
It's easier said than done when you are in the throes of deep depression, but you cannot isolate yourself, sleep all day, cry all day, whatever. It's OK for a little while but the longer you do it, the longer you stay stuck in your misery. Are you eating well? Sleeping well? Getting fresh air? Exercise or any type of physical activity? I know those things can seem overwhelming right now but they are essential.
I don't know exactly how you feel but I can tell you that you are definitely not alone.
If you see your primary care physician, he/she probably would give you a pill and send you on your way. That's what mine did, but she didn't know any better. It wasn't until I started seeing an actual psychiatrist that I felt I was being prescribed the right medication. Psychs are trained to treat depression (among other things), general practitioners are not.
Counseling has always helped me. And I know there are support groups for people who are in grieving. Personally, it helps me to talk to people who understand just how I feel.
It's easier said than done when you are in the throes of deep depression, but you cannot isolate yourself, sleep all day, cry all day, whatever. It's OK for a little while but the longer you do it, the longer you stay stuck in your misery. Are you eating well? Sleeping well? Getting fresh air? Exercise or any type of physical activity? I know those things can seem overwhelming right now but they are essential.
I don't know exactly how you feel but I can tell you that you are definitely not alone.
learning to live
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,665
Huge hug coming your way MIR!
You are someone I admire.
I also, think like a lot of people here said grief counseling and being open to the idea of anti depressants is a good option.
Reaching out here is definitely a great start. A lot of good advice here.
I am really sorry for your loss, MIR. I cant even imagine. I am sending prayers and a lot of love your way.
You will get through this although I am sure that thought seems unimaginable now, you will. We are all here for you!
You are someone I admire.
I also, think like a lot of people here said grief counseling and being open to the idea of anti depressants is a good option.
Reaching out here is definitely a great start. A lot of good advice here.
I am really sorry for your loss, MIR. I cant even imagine. I am sending prayers and a lot of love your way.
You will get through this although I am sure that thought seems unimaginable now, you will. We are all here for you!
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
MIR - Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. How honorable for you to come and admit that you just can't.
I'm praying that this will lead you toward healing.
May God and the angels bless your every breath...
I'm praying that this will lead you toward healing.
May God and the angels bless your every breath...
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
Me crashing and burning mentally happened within days of stopping smoking. Doesn't make it less real but might partially explain it
I put a patch back on this morning cuz I had some left over...just a 7 mg.
Over the past week since completely removing nicotine from my system..I have been a ...MESS.
The "void" has been way too expansive...and my skin way too thin.
I'm giving it a try anyway... I was looking into all the neurotransmitter function stuff of nicotine and ya...
As I say ..I put the patch back on. I am just far too fragile ..with new sobriety...my move cross country...codependency/love addiction stuff...
I'm going to hang with the nicotine a while longer. Might be off base but I too notice a HUGE departure in my peace once I stopped the nicotine....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
A major life experience can trigger depression. Please be good to yourself and reach out for some help. Anti depressants have come a long way and there are many options...there should be no shame in getting the help you need.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Normal grief, which stems the loss of a loved one, can turn into a depression. It's like the grieving takes on a life of its own. This depression, which began as grief, has gotten worse rather than better. IMO it needs to be addressed. It's time to get a professional consultation about this MIRecovery. It makes absolutely no sense to wait.
BTW, medication might be just the thing to help get things back on track. Trust the professionals to do their thing. I'm optimistic that things can improve quite allot, but just like with our alcoholism, there's a time to take action and the time is now.
BTW, medication might be just the thing to help get things back on track. Trust the professionals to do their thing. I'm optimistic that things can improve quite allot, but just like with our alcoholism, there's a time to take action and the time is now.
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