Mirage74

Hello all. Im back at another go at quitting after a months long relapse. In my other attempts at quitting, I don't think I ever accepted I can never drink again. I think I've read, every alcoholic clings to the idea that he can one day drink again like a normal person.

Did/do any of you struggle with this? Was acceptance easy for you? If not, when did you cross over to being grateful you're sober, not ever missing it at all?

Dee74

I think it was daunting when all I could remember was drinking, Mirage. With more recovery it became less daunting, and it's my default position now

D

silentrun

I didn't think of it that way. I was terrified I was going under so I was trying to escape. I guess never drinking again was what I was going for but it didn't feel like giving up anything. I was not going to miss it. It was hard for awhile. It took about 6 months before I felt it release it's grip on me and I could really wrap my head around goodbye to the booze and acceptance.

Chillly

"Does the Idea of never drinking again seem daunting?"

How about; Yes Yes Yes

"Don't think of it as forever, think of it as a lot of days, one day at a time"
heard that here once

LeeJane

I feel utter relief that I don't have to live that way again.

andyroo72

Gidday there,

Permanent abstinence is the bottom line for me. That said, I can be pretty ambivalent about it. I've only been sober for three days this time around so I'm pretty driven by the experience of my recent binge: the really gross immediate experience of that and the sickness of going through withdrawals make it fairly easy to say I'll never drink again.

I was sober for four months before that and I definitely hit a point where I was totally grateful for sobriety and surprisingly grateful it was permanent. For me that was related to depression and, more importantly, anxiety which are pretty debilitating for me. I learned pretty quickly (although the actually learning took decades) that I can never manage my anxiety while I'm drinking. The effects of alcohol, even over a matter of weeks since my last drink make my brain so fuzzy and my thought processes so mixed up I can't even identify the component parts.

Obviously that particular commitment didn't last. I definitely lost this sense of appreciation of permanent sobriety. That was for a bunch of reasons to do with self-management but I think it was, too, tied up with the way alcohol seems to effect me. I seem to be really susceptible to fantasies of how my drinking's going to pan out. It seems realistic that it'll be a positive experience and I'll be able to control it. It's totally insane, but compelling and I think I stopped being vigilant with it.

I'm obviously at a pretty uncertain point again. I'm tentatively inspired by permanent sobriety even though my brain is pretty fried. Obviously, I'm keen to avoid the negative aspects of being a drunken ass hat. I have a funny feeling though that for sobriety to really work I need to embrace the positive things that it allows- for example, the kind of lifestyle I have when I'm sober and the opportunities it brings.

Sorry, that's a bit off topic and probably waffly :=]

Mirage74

andyroo, I could have written that. Any time I've had any lengthy sobriety (like a month or more), I'm grateful but still succumb to fantasizing about it at times. This is dangerous, as I'm also prone to convince myself it will be different this time. It's like holding on to the notion of drinking again, instead of letting go entirely.

andyroo72

Mirage: Yeah, it sucks, I'm sorry it's like that for you too. I think it's like that for lots of alcoholics. Unless I question it actively, my mental representation of 'Drunk Andrew' is an absolutely ridiculously unrealistic fantasy. And somehow it is just so convincing. It's almost psychotic.

I wonder, has drinking ever truly been positive for me?

Mirage74

Yep, exactly

MarathonMan

I'm trying not to think about it too much as speaking in absolutes probably isn't good early in recovery. I really get what silentrun said though, I have been sinking so bad and I could see everything was on the verge of falling apart. To stop and the thought of getting away from that forever scares the hell out of me but is kind of a weight of my shoulders at the same time.....also kind of exciting as I know I'll be able to unlock my real potential without a drink in my hand......the future sometimes seems mapped out but a big even like getting sober reminds you that the future is yours to shape if you give yourself the right opportunities.

Also congrats on putting down the bottle again, it's the only way for us.

lillyknitting

I used to think I was really missing out if I couldn't drink. I have now learned this has nothing to do with 'fun' but totally the addiction. Once I let go of the idea that alcohol enabled me to have fun, enjoy life on social occasions, I saw it all for what it really is.

Now I can't think of anything worse than having to go through all the horrors again. Why would I want to do that to myself in the name of fun?

malcolmsloan

This is just me, but I have worked hard to stop going down the daunting path in my thoughts. Somewhere down that path lurks my AV, not sure where or how far, but if I stash away feelings of loss (of booze), longing, or desire, they will come back to haunt me, probably when I least expect it. So, for me, I focus on how much I gain by being sober, how good it feels to not even have to deal with the trauma and drama alcohol brought me. I don't miss any of that. Alcohol actually denied me all the things I thought it was giving me. There is no reward-for me-in that bottle. When I dismantled and deconstructed the daunting feelings, piece by piece, I found that they did not make any sense.
Onward!

DarkDays

Stone cold sober forever is for me the only way . Losing nothing but gaining everything .

Liberating.

Treerat66

I don't think in the 'I can never drink again' negative way. I tell myself I can be sober for the rest of my days.

StellaPolaris

4 years ago, after my weightloss surgery, I had to come to terms with the fact that I can never have cake or icecream ever again... Like never ever... (I get really sick.) The horror... All those upcoming years of birthday parties, restaurant meals, celebrations... Breakups with no icecream therapy..?! I used to binge on cheese cake and tubs of Ben&Jerry's. Nevermore...

4 years later, and I just go for a starter or a cheese plate instead. Slowly but surely (and yes, one day at a time) cakes and icecream just weren't an option anymore. After the first couple of years (when I conciously had to consider the pros/cons and make an active decision to say "No thanks") it became an automatic response. I can't have cake or icecream. Nothing to think about, I just can't. Took me a while, as it probably will with alocohol.

instant

There is only ever "now"- think about it tomorrow never comes.

Maybe one day things will be different is a big part of the problem. I accept that this is (now thankfully a small) part of my experience- I acknowledge it as part of "my condition" and move on. Trying to wish things to be different just feeds the addiction.

i decided to run from the pain of it all and it works

IWantFree

Hi Mirage,

Just now, I can't think about the forever part. I find it too much. I'm on day 4. Just today is enough for me. I'm not an AA person, but they got that right. Then, I guess it's like any project... If you look at what you have to accomplish at the start, it's terrifying and impossible, but break it down into smaller tasks, get a good team around you... and suddenly you've built a skyscraper... Corny analogy, but I like it just now.

I hope that later I'll enjoy the forever part or the "I just don't drink" part, but I'm not there yet. My head's just beginning to clear, and that's when I'm most at risk of tricking myself again.

Keep well.

iwf

LadyinBC

What an awesome way to look at it!

jezza

To be honest I'm nearly hitting 120 days & for me at the moment it really does not bother me... I don't think about it as it would put pressure on me & may cause cravings.. I'm just going with the flow & really enjoying it.. I'm sober, I'm clean, will I ever have a drink again??, No idea. Do I care for it?? Nope so that probably means I won't ever drink again.. Do I find it daunting the fact I'll never drink again?? Nope!!

MelindaFlowers

Yes, but I do the "just for today" mantra and it seems much less daunting. The thought of never having a hangover again? A huge relief! Not daunting at all.