Thepatman

Late on the thread but wanted to welcome you to SR.

About the career, don't let this hold you back from sobriety, because with sobriety only good things can come your way.

Ellay

Moderation never worked for me. All or nothing. Can't get hammered ? Fine, I will have water. That's why I have chosen to go full force into this sobriety thing. The whole never again freaked me out though, I totally get it. That's why I love one day at a time. Just keep doing the days. That's all you have to worry about, is today.Screw tomorrow, forget yesterday , just today.

Dee74

Welcome aboard SDH73

D

SDH73

I haven't really gotten the hang of navigating this site yet. Guess I'll just keep going on this thread for tonight.
Just got home from work. Sneakily talked another waiter into bringing martinis to one of my tables tonight. When I do it myself they just splash all over the place, pretty embarrassing. I know from past experience that the shakes will go away in 3 or so days. The redness will disappear from my face over the next couple of days, too. Tonight is probably going to be a restless night trying to sleep - cold sweats, non-existent noises - and tomorrow I will be riddled with anxiety.
Anyway, just checking in. I'll explore around the site more tomorrow.

steffie

I'm late on this thread too but I read a lot of similarities with what you and I do - guitar! My guitar is a great help to me in so many ways and it really helped me in getting over my drinking habits. I devoted a lot of time I would spend drinking into practicing and started to explore other types of music and styles. This has led to a very satisfying career playing and teaching guitar that would be utterly impossible if I had kept up my destructive ways. Knowing that keeps me on track.
I am sure you could do this same. We're the same age and it worked out for me.

AdmimalBlueEyes

I agree , one day at a time seems to work, its cliche but it works ,

Congrats on joining sr

SDH73

Well, not the best sleep I've ever had last night but I've certainly had worse. Not the up-all-night-sweating-it-out kind of sleep, but sort of like drifting in and out of daydreams. Don't think I slept for more than 30 minutes at a time. I don't feel rested at all, but my body is still "edgy" enough that I know I'm done sleeping for the day. I also know this will improve.

Steffie, thanks for your input. It sounds like you are in a place very similar to where I'd like to be. Last spring semester (2014) I had to really force myself to practice guitar every day for at least 2-3 hours in order to finish my degree. I also had to put together a portfolio of music written and produced by myself. Still not sure how I managed it, seeing as how I didn't curb my drinking at all. Practicing guitar when you have the shakes and a head full of cotton is tough!
I have begun teaching a work friend how to play guitar, he wants to play and I would like to develop my teaching skills. Maybe down the road that will lead to something.

Kero

It is scary what booze does to a body. I didn't sleep a bit last night and I'm wrapped in a blanket. Now that I'm in my 40s I just can't handle it. Hang in there and look forward to feel better.

razor15

Hi SDH, and welcome. I'm 43 and have been sober for almost 3 months (with one slip up but I'm choosing not to count that... :-).
One of the biggest things drinking took from me was my motivation and passion for learning. This trait had opened so many opportunities for me early in life, and I'm trying hard to get back to that place in sobriety. Following opportunity with a certain blind faith in your own intuition, somehow creates a satisfying and interesting life. This had been my experience. There were few conscious decisions...at least not long term ones. Just do stuff.
Drinking has taken this away from me over the past 10+ years.
I'm starting with sobriety, then I want to see what's possible!
We both have a lot of living to do!!

Welcome to SR...Stay close.

FreeOwl

welcome.

the fact that it "has to be long term" feels heavy and daunting right now.

but stick with it. get a program and start working it. have a plan, keep coming in here, keep on the sobriety path....

and sooner than you'll even realize it "has to be long term" will begin to shift to "has the potential to be long term"...

and then that will shift to "What a BLESSING that this can be long term!!"

and then that will shift to "I cherish that this is long term!"

you can do this.

SDH73

I agree wholeheartedly. One day at a time is the way to go. In the past when I've decided to take a break from drinking it starts out that way. I then trip myself up with thoughts like "let's shoot for two weeks" or "let's do 30 days", but even that becomes too daunting to deal with. For the foreseeable future I won't just be counting days, I'll be tackling them one at a time.

growpath

Yes, SDH, Right now your only goal is to not drink today. You can do this!! I am so proud of you for making it through yesterday! All those feelings are normal, btw. You're doing awesome!

SDH73

Had an interesting conversation a couple of weeks ago when I was in the middle of my 18 days w/o a drink stretch. A co-worker told me that he was taking a few days off drinking and how tough it was (I think he's more of a 6-pack a night after work type), I responded by sympathizing that I too was taking a few days off and was up to *blank* days without a drink. Another co-worker chimed in that he'd never done that. "You've never gone *blank* days without a drink," I asked. "No," he said, "I've never counted how many days I've gone without a drink."

I sometimes forget that so many people can just drink when it suits them and abstain when it doesn't. That a beer after work can end with a beer after work. For me, a beer after work means I will be going home to crush vodka until I pass out. Makes it difficult to explain to people why I don't want to "just have a drink" after work. In the restaurant/bar industry that's just how co-workers bond.

IOAA2

Hi.
I guarantee that if you bond with people who don’t drink, like in AA life will be so much better. It just takes practice and desire one day at a time in a row.

BE WELL

SDH73

You're right IOAA2, I need to meet some new people. The few people that I can call actual friends are still social drinkers who don't understand why I don't want to have a couple drinks with them. One guy went so far as to order a beer for me while I was in the restroom!

It must be obvious to those who know me beyond the level of casual acquaintance that I "drink too much", but what they don't know is the havoc that it causes in my life, both physically and emotionally. The horror and remorse of waking up so hungover that I know the only thing that I could possibly do that day is get drunk. All the unexplained bruises (and once a gashed scalp) I've dealt with.

I don't want to explain the extent of my situation to these people just yet. I don't want to tell them that I am an alcoholic who simply can't drink socially until I have a good solid chunk of sobriety under my belt. I don't know how to explain, though I'll bet many people here understand what I mean. I feel pathetic in my repeated attempts at sobriety and subsequent relapses and I don't want to drag any of them into that.

Yeah...I need to make some new friends. I also don't want to push away the few friends I still have. I can count them on a single hand, and despite their desire to "have a drink" with me, they have over the last few years been a bit of a lifeline. As in: "I'm not such a bad person. I have people that like me."

SDH73

Reading back through my posts I'm seeing a trend of fear. This is something I shall have to work on.

Eddiebuckle

SDH, it may not feel particularly insightful but what you said above is a great foundation for sobriety. Nobody can do anything tomorrow or next week, we can only do what exists NOW. Don't drink now for a long enough period, and it will become "normal." The hardest part is learning to deal with life's details: jobs, relationships, fears and dreams. There will be plenty of time to work on those issues down the road, but today just not drinking is about all you can take on.

When you go to bed tonight, do so with gratitude that you made it through the day. Tomorrow morning, start with the expectation, and do whatever it takes, to not drink for that day only.

This is what I have done, and my last drink was almost 5 years ago. Sobriety is not easy at first, but it absolutely is worth it.

Congratulations, keep posting, and good luck!

SDH73

Another day done. About to hit the sack. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight. In the next 24 hours there will be no time to drink even if I wanted to, so I feel good about that.

I am a little worried about next week, though. I'll be done at work by 9 PM on Sunday, and my days off will extend through the week and Thanksgiving. I don't have to report back to work until Friday afternoon. These are the times when any attempts to remain sober for more than just a couple of days get derailed. Sunday will be day 4 for me, which in my past experience is about the time when I get a surge of physical well-being and mental enthusiasm (if I last a few more days these feelings will fade - but that's another hurdle for another post). Then the reasoning begins and I end up back in the hole.

I'm going to have to really "one-day-at-a-time" the hell out of this coming week! I know there is nothing I can do about any of that tonight, or tomorrow. After that, well I guess I'll just have to let "future me" deal with it.

Good night.

FreeOwl

Worrying is a waste of good imagination.


Next week can't hurt you.

Congratulations on going to bed sober.

SDH73

Worrying is a waste of good imagination. Thanks, FreeOwl. That one's going to stick with me.

Anyway, day 3 here. It's amazing how the things that worry me at 3 in the morning can seem so insignificant in the light of day.

Today I'm not worried. I'm looking forward to having a long "weekend". Going to work out, play a lot of guitar, study up for finals, watch some movies, finish that book I've been reading for 2 months (!), cook some fantastic meals, clean my apartment top to bottom, text "hi" to people I haven't seen or heard from in too long.

Thanks to everyone for indulging me over the last couple of days. I know I've been needy/whiney/self-absorbed.