IWantFree

Hi All...

Day two nearly done, no alcohol. Feel physically a lot better, though the dry mouth thing is still hanging on. Let's see if I sleep tonight.

I had a meeting with my key worker this morning - I'm in outpatient treatment and due to start Naltrexone next week - and she asked me a question about goals for my not drinking, and something came to me, really after reading what you guys have been writing; that one of my goals should be about actually recovering and not just stopping drinking.

While that seems a pretty fundamental point, it's taken me years of serial relapsing to finally say it. That just stopping drinking wasn't enough, but that I had to make changes, to rebuild a life that doesn't involve alcohol, where I find other things fulfilling. I used to, but gradually alcohol took all of that from me, and my world just smaller and smaller.

I somehow need to find that again, it just seems to be the bit I'm not quite as good at. I can drink... boy can I drink! I can detox <shudder>, but once I've got some distance the little voice is back making me think I can just have one and stop again it'll be fine... then a few days later I'm sneaking wine into work and swigging it in the server room or in a darkened room with a bottle of vodka wanting to disappear.

So great! Something has to change... but how, and what? That where I get stuck, and I think that's where I need you guys. How do we get our lives to expand again?

I'll keep reading your posts, something might present itself!

Thanks

iwf

Nonsensical

That's where I started. What did I do before alcohol took over? I started doing some of those things again and expanded from there.

Soberwolf

Hi Iwantfree well done on day 2

What Non said what did you used to like doing before alcohol took over

i went and done and completed 2 courses i have rediscovered my love of reading through the loss of a xbox 360 (i think that was meant to hapoen lol)

i like to cook etc

what did you enjoy

luvmygirls

I can really relate to so much of what you posted. After several false starts at sobriety, I am finally starting to understand the difference between not getting to drink, and not needing to drink.

biminiblue

I think recovery and happiness are moment by moment.

Time will help you sort these things out, but this is a very big realization.

I have a list of things, like a bucket list. I don't think I will get to all of them in this lifetime, and there are many side trips where I get cool stuff I didn't plan.

My guiding principal is to do only that which is good for me.

Anna

Yeah, I think that alcoholism is the symptom and it's the underlying issues that we have to struggle with. Like others, I went back to things I used to enjoy doing.

JanieJ

Iwantfree, this is also what I did -works well. Plus, you' ll be able to afford to do more fun things, as you ll have all that drinking money spare !

IWantFree

Thanks Everyone... That's a good start. It's also nice to know that other people have been here and a found a way to do work something out. There have been periods of not drinking when I had started to rediscover the joy of sticking some music on and reading a book... rather than any old crap telly (and wine of course)... which of course I went back to when I started drinking again.

When I get some more days under my belt I'd like to pick up some of the physical things I used to do. Right now the concept of any kind of physical effort fills me with horror!

Perhaps I'll drag my partner to some concerts... he can help my recovery and I can expand his horizons!

Thanks everyone. Looking forward to a relaxing evening and maybe a little sleep.

iwf

Aellyce

Hi, congrats on 2 days sober. In addition to what was said about rediscovering and resuming old interests, what I like is discovering new inspirations in myself in sobriety. I realize that some of these are are probably not new but I was just not so aware of them. Others are the result of the recovery work I've been doing, or maybe aging, experience, etc. I'm a very introspective person and it's not difficult for me to look at my motives critically and to see where there are new possibilities. Then try to make them real, find opportunities to practice them.

One example: I never thought about myself as a helper kind of person who would be good for any kind of service work or would enjoy it even. I discovered these new motivations in me via my experience on SR. I get so much out of interacting with others about recovery or all sorts of issues, responding on the forums, trying to give suggestions etc. I get far more from this side than seeking help for myself. Then, when I realized this, I looked back on my life and recognized this drive had always been there in some form, I was just not so conscious it was a strong motivation. So I am trying to explore how I could possibly do more if this, also other than SR, and what form of it fits me best.

Another example, in a large portion of my life I thought that I was sort of a loner kind of person and don't need conventional relationships to be perfectly happy, I had some great ones but I just thought I was totally fine alone. Then I had to realize I tend to be amongst the first people who jump into discussions about relationships (any kind), intimacy, interpersonal compatibilities and how they work... I think because I crave these things myself, it's far from being a theoretical interest. So I am working on my social life and relationships, and find it very rewarding.

I also discovered that some things that used to interest me intensely, are not that appealing anymore. Maybe right now.

So, all-in-all, I take an introspective approach to "map" my own inspirations, old and new, and take it from there.

Dee74

I had to change a lot of things.., my life, my mates, my idea of fun, the way I solved problems or dealt with stress...all of that was pretty drink sodden.

I don't regret it tho - I thought it was an end...but it turned out to be a beginning...truly
D