Chillly

Today is the start of week 2 for me..Yay?

Anyway, I am paralyzed and immobile..
I literally can't function on any level right now.
I'm afraid to try and sleep because of the onslaught of negative thoughts and emotions that pummel me when I close my eyes..
The doc gave me a script for Trazadone to help me sleep. It does not help me go to sleep, it helps me STAY ASLEEP.. today I slept until 3 p.m. Very depressing.
I muster'd up the ambition to leave my apartment at 4 p.m. today, I literally just went across the street and got a cup of coffee. Then immediately took the coffee back into my apartment.. (Next to the coffee shop which is across the street from my apartment, there is a liquor store, next to that, a bar)
This coffee trip constitutes the only time I've left my apartment in two days.
The sun goes down at 5 p.m. here which means, I've not seen sunlight, or had any human interaction in two days.
W-T-Fudge?

Lusher

Hey Chillly- Nice job with the first week! Also, nice job with staying the course.

I'm sure that you've read this a few times, but just to reiterate- things do get better. Once your body starts to adjust and you can begin to feel normal(er) again, I think you'll be far more comfortable with what's going on. There will be continued adjustments with lifestyle changes, and the like, but physically you should start to feel more like the old you, but only sober.

Try and hang in there and spend time in here to help reinforce your goals.


Lusher

biminiblue

That was me in the early days, too.

I started going to AA meetings on Day Four. I HAD to get out of the house. But staying in is safe and since everything seems so raw and loud in the first couple weeks, it was okay for me to be staying in.

Same with the sleep thing. My sleep was all over the place. I just decided to tough it out with hot tea or hot chocolate. If I couldn't stay asleep I came here to the forums. If I couldn't go to sleep I stayed up until I was yawning.

It's just tough in early days - no way around that. It's uncomfortable, I kept saying I wanted to crawl out of my skin.

It gets better - at about a month. Sorry, hang in there!!

Findingtheway

Well done on the week chillly.

Also nice to meet you. Once you respond back this will count as human interaction.

I'm not a robot nor am I am replicant...

Soberwolf

Well done reaching a week Chilly

Your body is balancing out and regulating youl start feeling better and sleeping better

have you got a plan in place ?

giochick

Well done on week one! That was totally me at week one as well. I think I left my house about 5 times, and 4 of those were to go to meetings. I felt very self aware and self conscious and I was pretty overwhelmed. It was easier to stay home, and I was certainly less tempted to drink. Same thing with my sleeping pattern. Your body is going through a big shock right now, and I think it's perfectly fine and even natural to give it whatever it needs (except for alcohol. Don't give it alcohol). Sleep when you can, eat what sounds good, and start showing your face in public again when you feel ready. I can remember in the early days of sobriety having to write down every little positive thing that I did (such as "I brushed my teeth and took a shower today"). Even little things seemed tremendously difficult, and every time I was able to do something as mundane as "make a sandwich" it felt like a huge victory. Don't worry too much. It does get better. Around week 3 I started to feel like a functional human being, and it only gets better from there.

SoberLeigh

Great job on one week, chilly. As everyone has said, your body is adjusting, recalibrating and rebalancing. It takes time but things will stabilize.

Elodie

One week is a big deal! Congratulations!

Be gentle with yourself, as others have said, do what feels comfortable. Things really do get better. Back in July I felt much like you do now. In 4 short months, I feel worlds better. Keep that I'm mind - it will get better!!

matilda123

Good job, Chilly! Hang in there!

Chillly

Update: I just got back from a 50 minute walk around my neighborhood.
I walked past the liquor store and the bar. (I always have to walk past them because they're right across the street from my apartment). They put up a bunch of Christmas lights in my neighborhood today. They're really pretty but I'm still not sure how I feel about that. I went to the train station and the bus station.. There's always a lot of people walking around in my hood seeing as the train station and bus station are right by my apartment. It feels good to see other people doing stuff even when I'm not. One guy bummed me a smoke which was nice. (That'll probably be my only cigarette for the day, seeing as how I'm quitting that too...I only smoke when I drink usually)
and I'm back home. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Thanks ya'll

Wastinglife

Take your time Chilly. I was the same in the first couple weeks. Only left the house when necessary. I got sober over Christmas holidays last year when I had 2 weeks off. Went to the store next to my building for essentials and no where else. Pretty much spent 2 weeks holed up in my apartment.

LexieCat

The first week or so just have to be "gotten through." You'll feel better before too long.

What's your plan for STAYING sober?

jerri11

Chilly, It is a big deal! And getting out of the house is a big deal. We have to own those little victories. They'll keep piling up into bigger and bigger victories. I keep telling myself that.

JanieJ

Well done Chilly, you're sober and you're breathing

Some days it's ok if all you manage is to breath.

Hang in there. I'm on day 37 now, feeling A LOT better than week one.

Chillly

I have no plan

Dee74

Glad you're feeling a little better Chilly

make one.

The successfully long term recoverers all have a plan - have enough support, use it, and make whatever changes to your life that you need to, Chilly...and bam you have a plan

D

LexieCat

I'm with Dee. No plan means that one day when the notion hits you, you are likely to pick up a drink. Doesn't have to be a terrible day, might be an excellent day--one where you feel like the world is your oyster. And some weird thought creeps into your head, and before you know it you've got a drink in your hand.

I've heard it over and over again. It really, truly does happen that way.

But if you have a plan, a philosophy, a way of life, this is much less likely to happen. You will cultivate gratitude and serenity.

I happen to think AA is great for that, but I also know many people--including many on these forums--who have made those same kinds of changes independent of AA. They have a support system to fall back on, they savor and appreciate the gifts of sobriety, they value their sobriety enough that they don't do things likely to compromise it.

Chillly

Thanks.
Well, what are some of ya'lls "Plan"?

Dee74

The best polan is the one you make yourself for your own situation Chilly.

what are your 'triggers'? stress, boredom, social life, these negative thoughts you mention, insomnia?

once you identify your triggers you can start to forumlate a plan to deal with them sober.

Like I said before sometimes that might mean finding more support - not only things like recovery groups but doctors or counsellors too?

It might mean making more changes - changes to your lifestyle/social life, or changes to how you deal with problems, stress or negative self-talk?

D

MelindaFlowers

You are doing everything right. I was very sick at the end and had to treat myself like a sick person. I spent a lot of time on the couch under a blanket and barely left the house. My only goal each day that's to not drink.