I have a nasty cold, and I like it
I have a nasty cold, and I like it
When I made myself sick on booze, it was impossible for me to treat myself with any sort of kindness or compassion. The guilt was intense, and the pain was punishment for what I had done. I tried to quell the hangovers in desperation to destroy the evidence, to hide it from myself. I didn’t want to heal, I wanted to forget.
But this cold isn’t my fault. I caught it sober, and I’m suffering it sober. I’m resting, drinking tea, wrapping myself in a warm blanket. It feels really good to feel sorry for myself and believe I am deserving of comfort. After all the blame I’ve accepted, it is a relief to think I feel like crap, but this time I didn’t do it to myself.
But this cold isn’t my fault. I caught it sober, and I’m suffering it sober. I’m resting, drinking tea, wrapping myself in a warm blanket. It feels really good to feel sorry for myself and believe I am deserving of comfort. After all the blame I’ve accepted, it is a relief to think I feel like crap, but this time I didn’t do it to myself.
Briar, I can completely relate to this! When I was hungover, the shame prevented me from telling anyone I was feeling bad, or taking a nap, or whatever. Also, it's nice to be like "oh, my eyes are bloodshot because I'm fighting this cold!" and actually be telling the truth.
I hope you feel better soon, or not, whichever you prefer...ha!!!
I hope you feel better soon, or not, whichever you prefer...ha!!!
Well here I was complaining about my miserable cold in the October class, and here's my thread to remind me to look on the bright side. How quickly we forget under stress. Thanks for keeping me focused.
This is a really nice post Briar. It reminds me of all the ways in which alcohol distorts our view of the world and of all the simple pleasures that it denies us. Only last week I had a bad cold and was watching a movie....I was not hungover that day and found myself wrapped in a blanket eating ice cream and felt happy. For once I felt ill but not not near as ill as the hangovers I had to keep pretending I didn't have. They suck. Watching a movie with a cold like anyone else....that was awesome.
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