90 days - going to log it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
90 days - going to log it
Hi all,
Some of you might remember me. I have been on and off this site now for over two years. Lots of day ones and failed promises. I am embarrassed to be on day one yet again. Yet here I am..
I thought having a log might help me. Keeping track of my thoughts, my journey and to keep me accountable.
I cannot say I wont ever drink again. I hope I don't, but I know that we must be vigilant always and that we can be vulnerable. Relapses can happen even to people who are committed and serious. I am going to try to be smart about it and a) avoid or minimize exposure to situations that are likely to trigger me, b) actively work on recovery - including coming here to Sober Recovery and posting every day.
Today is a beautiful, sunny winter day and I feel anything is possible today. I have hope. I want to try 90 days, just commit to that. Then at the end of that time, have an honest conversation with myself about my life and where I want it to go. So here it goes, day one!
Some of you might remember me. I have been on and off this site now for over two years. Lots of day ones and failed promises. I am embarrassed to be on day one yet again. Yet here I am..
I thought having a log might help me. Keeping track of my thoughts, my journey and to keep me accountable.
I cannot say I wont ever drink again. I hope I don't, but I know that we must be vigilant always and that we can be vulnerable. Relapses can happen even to people who are committed and serious. I am going to try to be smart about it and a) avoid or minimize exposure to situations that are likely to trigger me, b) actively work on recovery - including coming here to Sober Recovery and posting every day.
Today is a beautiful, sunny winter day and I feel anything is possible today. I have hope. I want to try 90 days, just commit to that. Then at the end of that time, have an honest conversation with myself about my life and where I want it to go. So here it goes, day one!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome back!
Relapses don't just happen to us. We have to pick up the drink and pour it into our mouth. It doesn't do it by itself. I think owning that it was my problem and no one else's fault or anyone else's to solve made it much easier.
I made the decision to not drink again. That is what it takes. 90 days was never my goal. Complete abstinence was and is. I cannot leave the door open like that. I don't need constant vigilance at this point. I just don't drink any more. It was a one time decision that I am not going to change.
Relapses don't just happen to us. We have to pick up the drink and pour it into our mouth. It doesn't do it by itself. I think owning that it was my problem and no one else's fault or anyone else's to solve made it much easier.
I made the decision to not drink again. That is what it takes. 90 days was never my goal. Complete abstinence was and is. I cannot leave the door open like that. I don't need constant vigilance at this point. I just don't drink any more. It was a one time decision that I am not going to change.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Welcome back!
Relapses don't just happen to us. We have to pick up the drink and pour it into our mouth. It doesn't do it by itself. I think owning that it was my problem and no one else's fault or anyone else's to solve made it much easier.
I made the decision to not drink again. That is what it takes. 90 days was never my goal. Complete abstinence was and is. I cannot leave the door open like that. I don't need constant vigilance at this point. I just don't drink any more. It was a one time decision that I am not going to change.
Relapses don't just happen to us. We have to pick up the drink and pour it into our mouth. It doesn't do it by itself. I think owning that it was my problem and no one else's fault or anyone else's to solve made it much easier.
I made the decision to not drink again. That is what it takes. 90 days was never my goal. Complete abstinence was and is. I cannot leave the door open like that. I don't need constant vigilance at this point. I just don't drink any more. It was a one time decision that I am not going to change.
Good point about the relapsing. You're right that we are not forced to do it by any outside influence. I just know relapsing is a major risk so I must remain vigilant and not be lulled into thinking I am fine to be around major triggers.
Thanks for the post!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Avra
I cannot say I wont ever drink again.
And I have suggested to people who don't quite know if they are alcoholic or not to go 90 days or so and see how feels. There is usually much to learn in the struggle.
But if you know you are an alcoholic, and I'm assuming Avra, you are (correct me if I'm wrong), then you know you need to be sober, for good. That is why I see inherent problems with giving yourself a 90-day grace period. So many folks get to the end of their trial sobriety and reward themselves with drinking.
Me, I would start thinking that all I was doing was taking a break from drinking, not engaging in recovery, and at day 75 I would start barganing with myself and start changing the terms in the favor of drinking.
When I took drinking off the table, for good, forever, a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could stop thinking about drinking, because I wasn't going to. Ever.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
One-day-at-a-time advocates will see nothing wrong with the inability to say you'll never drink. They'll say, just don't drink today.
And I have suggested to people who don't quite know if they are alcoholic or not to go 90 days or so and see how feels. There is usually much to learn in the struggle.
But if you know you are an alcoholic, and I'm assuming Avra, you are (correct me if I'm wrong), then you know you need to be sober, for good. That is why I see inherent problems with giving yourself a 90-day grace period. So many folks get to the end of their trial sobriety and reward themselves with drinking.
Me, I would start thinking that all I was doing was taking a break from drinking, not engaging in recovery, and at day 75 I would start barganing with myself and start changing the terms in the favor of drinking.
When I took drinking off the table, for good, forever, a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could stop thinking about drinking, because I wasn't going to. Ever.
And I have suggested to people who don't quite know if they are alcoholic or not to go 90 days or so and see how feels. There is usually much to learn in the struggle.
But if you know you are an alcoholic, and I'm assuming Avra, you are (correct me if I'm wrong), then you know you need to be sober, for good. That is why I see inherent problems with giving yourself a 90-day grace period. So many folks get to the end of their trial sobriety and reward themselves with drinking.
Me, I would start thinking that all I was doing was taking a break from drinking, not engaging in recovery, and at day 75 I would start barganing with myself and start changing the terms in the favor of drinking.
When I took drinking off the table, for good, forever, a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could stop thinking about drinking, because I wasn't going to. Ever.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
So this has got me thinking - what are others opinions on this? I am really wanting this to stick. My intention is not just a grace period. That said, I felt it more manageable to break the time down and just start by getting some sober time. More like a phase in my recovery I guess. But, I DONT want to open the door to start bargaining with myself and convincing myself that I can drink after 90 days. Am I inviting trouble?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Welcome back Avra 
Yeah I used to think that way too - things happened to me...relapses happened to me. That's not true. I have a part to play in everything I do.
If you can get to appreciating that, then you'll know that you'll never drink again if that's not what you want to do, think, or choose.
Of course, not wanting to is the whole deal....but I reached a point when I genuinely wanted lasting change...and not drinking was the only way to get there.
I know you can get there too
D
I cannot say I wont ever drink again. I hope I don't, but I know that we must be vigilant always and that we can be vulnerable. Relapses can happen even to people who are committed and serious.
If you can get to appreciating that, then you'll know that you'll never drink again if that's not what you want to do, think, or choose.
Of course, not wanting to is the whole deal....but I reached a point when I genuinely wanted lasting change...and not drinking was the only way to get there.
I know you can get there too
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
In no way do I think I have won after 90 days. As I said earlier, I am trying to manage the time and right now, forever seems like a lot. I haven't gone three months without drinking for years, it seemed like a good place to start.
Applekat, - I am checking in and fine, thanks. Although I think I will just check in on the nov 2014 thread from now on.
Applekat, - I am checking in and fine, thanks. Although I think I will just check in on the nov 2014 thread from now on.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 374
Hi Avra. You asked for thoughts on this subject, so here are mine Beginning of September, I knew I had a problem with alcohol and wanted to quit. I thought I could do it on my own...I only told my best friend ( as we were getting together that weekend) and told my bf and son that I was starting yet another diet , and that I won't be drinking. That resolve lasted a whopping 6 days, and I cracked and had wine on a Sunday night. During those 6 days however, I had relentless thoughts, cravings, dreams, you name it - it was still consuming me.
Less than 3 weeks later, I was back to drinking the same, if not more than at the beginning of Sept. I knew that I could not keep dancing with the devil anymore. I had to quit, and when I say quit - that was it. No more.
When I came to that realization, a weight lifted. I won't get all AA'ey and Higher Power on you , but I will say that something/someone/somehow was there when I gave in. I have not had one dream about drinking since my sober date of 09/29. The cravings are getting better.
Maybe by giving yourself 90 days, you will really enjoy what a sober life is doing for you. I just know that there was no way that I would have been able to handle those intense cravings and crazy drinking dreams for 90 days. Good luck, in whatever journey you take!
Beginning of September, I knew I had a problem with alcohol and wanted to quit. I thought I could do it on my own...I only told my best friend ( as we were getting together that weekend) and told my bf and son that I was starting yet another diet , and that I won't be drinking. That resolve lasted a whopping 6 days, and I cracked and had wine on a Sunday night. During those 6 days however, I had relentless thoughts, cravings, dreams, you name it - it was still consuming me. Less than 3 weeks later, I was back to drinking the same, if not more than at the beginning of Sept. I knew that I could not keep dancing with the devil anymore. I had to quit, and when I say quit - that was it. No more.
When I came to that realization, a weight lifted. I won't get all AA'ey and Higher Power on you , but I will say that something/someone/somehow was there when I gave in. I have not had one dream about drinking since my sober date of 09/29. The cravings are getting better.
Maybe by giving yourself 90 days, you will really enjoy what a sober life is doing for you. I just know that there was no way that I would have been able to handle those intense cravings and crazy drinking dreams for 90 days. Good luck, in whatever journey you take!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
