Witnessed something
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 93
Witnessed something
I witnessed something kind of disheartening/disturbing over the weekend, and I thought I would come here to see if anyone can over advice. You all have been incredible and have helped me so much. I am still stumbling my way through the early days of sobriety, and many things confuse me.
Here's the situation: I have a new home group, and am just now getting to know the members. Through a strange coincidence, I happened to be in line at the pharmacy on Saturday and I overheard a conversation between the pharmacist and a woman who was very heatedly demanding they fill her pain medication prescription. I couldn't see who was talking, I could only hear snippets of the conversation. From the gist of it, the pharmacist was basically telling the woman she was trying to fill the medication too soon, how it was a highly addictive drug, and so on. She was arguing back that she absolutely needed them and they had no right to make decisions on what medication she took, because that was up to her doctor. It got fairly heated.
So, after the pharmacist continues to refuse, the woman finally says, "Fine! I'll take my business elsewhere!" When she came around the corner (the way our pharmacy is set up you step off the left side behind this little screen to get your medication. Anyway, as she stepped out from behind this screen/wall I realized it was a member of my home group. I was very startled and said, "Hi!' not knowing what else to do. She gave me an angry look and did not respond.
This is really, really bothering me. It very much sounded like she had some kind of pill problem/situation going on, but, of course, I have no way of knowing for sure. And, ultimately, this is none of my business. I just feel very let down in a way because she was kind of a shining star of the program (in my eyes, at least) and she was really outspoken and confident. She has close to twenty years of sobriety.
I am aware that I should most likely keep this information 100% to myself. I am afraid to even tell my sponsor because they are friends. I have this home group meeting tomorrow and I know I will see her there. Does anyone have any advice?
I suppose I shouldn't even care because it's not my business; but it is weighing heavily on my mind and really upsetting me.
Here's the situation: I have a new home group, and am just now getting to know the members. Through a strange coincidence, I happened to be in line at the pharmacy on Saturday and I overheard a conversation between the pharmacist and a woman who was very heatedly demanding they fill her pain medication prescription. I couldn't see who was talking, I could only hear snippets of the conversation. From the gist of it, the pharmacist was basically telling the woman she was trying to fill the medication too soon, how it was a highly addictive drug, and so on. She was arguing back that she absolutely needed them and they had no right to make decisions on what medication she took, because that was up to her doctor. It got fairly heated.
So, after the pharmacist continues to refuse, the woman finally says, "Fine! I'll take my business elsewhere!" When she came around the corner (the way our pharmacy is set up you step off the left side behind this little screen to get your medication. Anyway, as she stepped out from behind this screen/wall I realized it was a member of my home group. I was very startled and said, "Hi!' not knowing what else to do. She gave me an angry look and did not respond.
This is really, really bothering me. It very much sounded like she had some kind of pill problem/situation going on, but, of course, I have no way of knowing for sure. And, ultimately, this is none of my business. I just feel very let down in a way because she was kind of a shining star of the program (in my eyes, at least) and she was really outspoken and confident. She has close to twenty years of sobriety.
I am aware that I should most likely keep this information 100% to myself. I am afraid to even tell my sponsor because they are friends. I have this home group meeting tomorrow and I know I will see her there. Does anyone have any advice?
I suppose I shouldn't even care because it's not my business; but it is weighing heavily on my mind and really upsetting me.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Control what you can control - your own sobriety. What you witnessed most likely happens hundreds/thousands of times a day at pharmacies all around the world. It is an issue with someone else's sobriety which is not really your business and definitely beyond your control.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
I 100% agree with Scott.
I am sure you are worried about this person which shows that you are a caring person but like Scott said, you cannot control other people.
If they approach you about it, thats a different situation; but, other than that mind your own sobriety.
I am sure you are worried about this person which shows that you are a caring person but like Scott said, you cannot control other people.
If they approach you about it, thats a different situation; but, other than that mind your own sobriety.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I would call her and tell her that just in case she is wondering, you have no intention of sharing your experience in the pharmacy with anyone because you realize that what you overheard is none of your business. Wish her well and tell her you will see her at the meeting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
just because someone's in the rooms doesn't mean that they've managed to master recovery.
we claim progress, not perfection.
That's no excuse - but the truth is that there are many who are in some 'stage' of the recovery process that still hasn't transcended addiction.
I know how unsettling it can be. I have come across people from the rooms who were drunk. I have been in the rooms, relapsed myself, and been seen by others from the rooms.
We can only manage our own sobriety.
we claim progress, not perfection.
That's no excuse - but the truth is that there are many who are in some 'stage' of the recovery process that still hasn't transcended addiction.
I know how unsettling it can be. I have come across people from the rooms who were drunk. I have been in the rooms, relapsed myself, and been seen by others from the rooms.
We can only manage our own sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 223
I can see how this would be a blow to you since you look up to her but the only rule for belonging to AA is the desire to get sober. We all have our demons and this just proves that you can't compare yourself to anyone else. You just need to do what is right for you. You could talk to your sponsor about it. That is what you have one for because this is affecting your recovery.
My sponsor took me to a meeting my first week where two male leaders got into s fist fight outside! It was awful! My sponsor had to call her sponsor we were so upset. We were able to process it though and remember that no one is perfect and we are all struggling. I didn't give up on the program and I have 6 months! Don't let one negative experience fog all of the positives there are.
My sponsor took me to a meeting my first week where two male leaders got into s fist fight outside! It was awful! My sponsor had to call her sponsor we were so upset. We were able to process it though and remember that no one is perfect and we are all struggling. I didn't give up on the program and I have 6 months! Don't let one negative experience fog all of the positives there are.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 205
That is really unsettling. Whenever someone you respect turns out to be a different person than the one you thought you knew, it shakes you up. But don't be discouraged by it. Remember that it has nothing to do with your own recovery. I wouldn't mention it to her or anyone else besides your sponsor (and SR!), but that's just me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 93
Thank you everybody! This is super helpful. I feel a bit better about it now. I will probably not mention it to her unless she says something to me.
I realize this program is not perfect, but i'm still in the honeymoon stage. So seeing that was like a huge blow. But it just reminds me that we're all human, and that this is never easy, no matter how it looks from the outside.
I realize this program is not perfect, but i'm still in the honeymoon stage. So seeing that was like a huge blow. But it just reminds me that we're all human, and that this is never easy, no matter how it looks from the outside.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I wouldn't call her about it. I wouldn't talk to her about it. I wouldn't talk to anyone else about it.
Your only concern is YOU. It is a typical case of do as I say not as I do. You don't want or need to know what goes on in other people's lives. As long as it doesn't directly affect you, it's none of your business.
Your only concern is YOU. It is a typical case of do as I say not as I do. You don't want or need to know what goes on in other people's lives. As long as it doesn't directly affect you, it's none of your business.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Parkman OH
Posts: 114
Let it go, you really do not know this persons situation at all from the way you put it. This person can be in some very real pain far worse then they let on, or just a prescription junky, either way let it go. Your only true concern is your sobriety today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
I've seen a gal with a five year chip at the store buying a case of beer.
I've seen a gal with 15 years "sobriety" who is a 24 hour a day stoner.
I've seen leaders in the program treat the people closest to them like crap.
It has nothing to do with my sobriety. I don't call them out, I don't let them know I won't tell anyone else. Anonymity is the rule, calling her to let her know you will keep her anonymous is probably not the best idea. Just follow the rule.
Like others have said, it's progress not perfection. Be the best you and stay sober. Work those steps, be patient and at some point you will not only have what they have, but an even better version of it that suits you.
I've seen a gal with 15 years "sobriety" who is a 24 hour a day stoner.
I've seen leaders in the program treat the people closest to them like crap.
It has nothing to do with my sobriety. I don't call them out, I don't let them know I won't tell anyone else. Anonymity is the rule, calling her to let her know you will keep her anonymous is probably not the best idea. Just follow the rule.
Like others have said, it's progress not perfection. Be the best you and stay sober. Work those steps, be patient and at some point you will not only have what they have, but an even better version of it that suits you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
I read this and thought perhaps she is not drinking alcohol, and identifies that as her addiction. perhaps she has a legit pain issue and does not identify that as an addiction. Maybe it is not, or was not, but is on its way to being a problem. But, no matter, it is still none of your business and I would let it go.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I understand why you'd be reluctant to share it with your sponsor, but you wouldn't be doing it for the sake of gossiping about it. You could also just describe the incident as involving someone you'd prefer not to identify, but that you had admired as someone with good sobriety.
I kind of think sharing things like this that are upsetting/confusing is precisely what sponsors are for, so I think it would be a shame for you if you didn't bring it up in some fashion.
We are all human beings, and alcoholic human beings at that, and there will be mistakes, slips, and relapses among those we respect. It isn't a bad reminder.
I kind of think sharing things like this that are upsetting/confusing is precisely what sponsors are for, so I think it would be a shame for you if you didn't bring it up in some fashion.
We are all human beings, and alcoholic human beings at that, and there will be mistakes, slips, and relapses among those we respect. It isn't a bad reminder.
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
Do not talk to her about it, unless she approaches you and says something specifically about the incident. Since your sponsor is friends with her, you might want to avoid identifying her if you bring this up.
I have had several similar things happen to me. I have a very good friend, who got drunk 1 time after many years of sobriety. He is my confidant and admitted this mistake to me when I inquired how long he had been sober but, as far as I know, has not admitted it to the fellowship. He has sponsee's that need him and also is like my 2nd sponsor. The last thing I would ever do is out him.
There are also several members who still smoke pot. That is their business and it is not my place to out them. I reset my sobriety date after I realized that pot was a violation of sobriety in most AA's opinion's and gave up 5 months of sobriety. In my case, it felt GREAT to come clean to a room of about 40 folk's and they were very supportive. The feeling of relief afterwards is something I will NEVER forget.
As others have said, work your program to the best of your ability and try not to let things like this sway you in any way.
Good Luck!
I have had several similar things happen to me. I have a very good friend, who got drunk 1 time after many years of sobriety. He is my confidant and admitted this mistake to me when I inquired how long he had been sober but, as far as I know, has not admitted it to the fellowship. He has sponsee's that need him and also is like my 2nd sponsor. The last thing I would ever do is out him.
There are also several members who still smoke pot. That is their business and it is not my place to out them. I reset my sobriety date after I realized that pot was a violation of sobriety in most AA's opinion's and gave up 5 months of sobriety. In my case, it felt GREAT to come clean to a room of about 40 folk's and they were very supportive. The feeling of relief afterwards is something I will NEVER forget.
As others have said, work your program to the best of your ability and try not to let things like this sway you in any way.
Good Luck!
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South Florida
Posts: 149
Concentrate on yourself. Her actions are her own and have nothing to do with you. Now, about how you are feeling. Do you feel off because of her hypocrisy? Someone you looked up to failed in their attempt to hide the truth? Can you move past this? Don't let it lead you to the bottle. Her hypocrisy is her own. Don't let it cross over to you and your recovery.
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