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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Ayr, Scotland
Posts: 100
want information
Rice,
I feel for you. The reason I'm on here is not that I've decided to quit. I suspect it's the same for you. I'm full of admiration for the people who have but I haven't. I drink every day. I have done for more than ten years - if I'm honest, more than 15 I suppose. I dread the idea of saying 'no' for the rest of my life. I've spent the past year - and a LOT of money - trying to find out WHY. I thought that, if I knew that, I'd know how to stop. It was an interesting journey but it didn't work. Talking about it doesn't work. Also, hearing why other people stopped doesn't work. At times it just makes it worse, as you realise it's just not like that for you. I don't mean to denigrate all the people on this site who are here to encourage us. It's great. But we're not you. I'm an intelligent woman. I value my health. I keep fit. I drink too much. I don't know why. I would love to be able to stop but I just don't believe in it. I'm considering going to AA but I've always felt I wasn't alcoholic, not least because I hate being drunk. The idea of drinking in the morning, or at any time other than lunchtime or dinner/evening is one I wouldn't contemplate. And yet, I can't open a bottle of wine and not finish it. I've had the odd day/string of days recently when this has happened because I'm scared of what it's doing to me. But nothing seems to really sustain it. I'm really at a loss and, much as I appreciate the sentiments of those of you who are much further down the recovery road than I am, your story is not mine. Your epiphany is not mine. What I need is some actual, genuine information. Not (thanks for the thought, though) encouragement. That - as I'm sure you all know - isn't what makes you take the first step. Can anyone remember enough about that point to help me and Rice out here?
Pix
I feel for you. The reason I'm on here is not that I've decided to quit. I suspect it's the same for you. I'm full of admiration for the people who have but I haven't. I drink every day. I have done for more than ten years - if I'm honest, more than 15 I suppose. I dread the idea of saying 'no' for the rest of my life. I've spent the past year - and a LOT of money - trying to find out WHY. I thought that, if I knew that, I'd know how to stop. It was an interesting journey but it didn't work. Talking about it doesn't work. Also, hearing why other people stopped doesn't work. At times it just makes it worse, as you realise it's just not like that for you. I don't mean to denigrate all the people on this site who are here to encourage us. It's great. But we're not you. I'm an intelligent woman. I value my health. I keep fit. I drink too much. I don't know why. I would love to be able to stop but I just don't believe in it. I'm considering going to AA but I've always felt I wasn't alcoholic, not least because I hate being drunk. The idea of drinking in the morning, or at any time other than lunchtime or dinner/evening is one I wouldn't contemplate. And yet, I can't open a bottle of wine and not finish it. I've had the odd day/string of days recently when this has happened because I'm scared of what it's doing to me. But nothing seems to really sustain it. I'm really at a loss and, much as I appreciate the sentiments of those of you who are much further down the recovery road than I am, your story is not mine. Your epiphany is not mine. What I need is some actual, genuine information. Not (thanks for the thought, though) encouragement. That - as I'm sure you all know - isn't what makes you take the first step. Can anyone remember enough about that point to help me and Rice out here?
Pix
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by Pixie30f 
I'm really at a loss and, much as I appreciate the sentiments of those of you who are much further down the recovery road than I am, your story is not mine. Your epiphany is not mine. What I need is some actual, genuine information. Not (thanks for the thought, though) encouragement. That - as I'm sure you all know - isn't what makes you take the first step. Can anyone remember enough about that point to help me and Rice out here?
Pix
Pix
To know better is not always to do better. Confusing knowledge with action was only one among many acts of bad faith on my part. Having "better knowledge" never helped to make me a better person. Being educated, involved in therapy, and being trained and then becoming experienced as a clinical psychologist, including years of treatment and research on addictions, never helped me to take the first step.
Neither knowledge nor self-knowledge saved me. I had to put down the drink first before I could do anything to improve my life, before I could find the motivation to get sober, and before I could help myself to stay sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Ayr, Scotland
Posts: 100
To Rice
Rice,
I just read your last post about losing your faith. I understand that. Faith is not consumption. We can't just go and buy more. But, let yourself lose a little - even a lot - and He'll come back and get you. You can never go so wrong He won't be there and come back and get you. I don't know the basis of your faith but, over the may years I've struggled with that, as well as the many other things with which I've struggled, I know that He never deserts us. I won't presume to say how that will communicate itself to you, but it is true.
Love, Px
I just read your last post about losing your faith. I understand that. Faith is not consumption. We can't just go and buy more. But, let yourself lose a little - even a lot - and He'll come back and get you. You can never go so wrong He won't be there and come back and get you. I don't know the basis of your faith but, over the may years I've struggled with that, as well as the many other things with which I've struggled, I know that He never deserts us. I won't presume to say how that will communicate itself to you, but it is true.
Love, Px
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Hi Pixie
I'm not sure what it is you're asking.
I reached a stage where to keep drinking would kill me...so I changed my life and my lifestyle, sought different solutions to the problems I'd drink over and I found sober support.
To deal with cravings I used several tools and tips, many of which I've collected here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
Some days I simply had to physically not go out my front door and down to the bottle shop.
The support I found here helped me.
It got easier
D
I'm not sure what it is you're asking.
I reached a stage where to keep drinking would kill me...so I changed my life and my lifestyle, sought different solutions to the problems I'd drink over and I found sober support.
To deal with cravings I used several tools and tips, many of which I've collected here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
Some days I simply had to physically not go out my front door and down to the bottle shop.
The support I found here helped me.
It got easier
D
Last edited by Dee74; 11-16-2014 at 03:59 PM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Ayr, Scotland
Posts: 100
Hi Dee,
What I'm not asking is for 'tips'. There are so many sites offering these and I can't believe they are written by anyone who has any appreciation of what it is like to have problem with alcohol. Every single one I've read, I've already tried. If they worked, you'd never need to go to anyone for help. The first time I went to anyone 'official' for help, about this time last year, she suggested a period of total abstinence would be a good first step. Who on earth, who has any idea about the hold alcohol has on a person in that kind of trouble, could suggest 'total abstinence' as even a remote possibility, never mind a 'first step'? I rather think that what I need is to confront why I, as opposed to anyone else on the planet, does this. It may be - and I've contemplated this more and more recently - that I need to go down the total abstinence route and actually go to AA. I don't know. I think I'm still hoping I can get back the control I used to have and disarm alcohol of the allure it has for me (like I did with chocolate - can now have any amounts of the stuff in the house and don't feel tempted to eat it, although, if I do eat it, I only ever do so in moderate, controlled amounts). If only it would work with wine. I'm serious. Why doesn't it?
Px
What I'm not asking is for 'tips'. There are so many sites offering these and I can't believe they are written by anyone who has any appreciation of what it is like to have problem with alcohol. Every single one I've read, I've already tried. If they worked, you'd never need to go to anyone for help. The first time I went to anyone 'official' for help, about this time last year, she suggested a period of total abstinence would be a good first step. Who on earth, who has any idea about the hold alcohol has on a person in that kind of trouble, could suggest 'total abstinence' as even a remote possibility, never mind a 'first step'? I rather think that what I need is to confront why I, as opposed to anyone else on the planet, does this. It may be - and I've contemplated this more and more recently - that I need to go down the total abstinence route and actually go to AA. I don't know. I think I'm still hoping I can get back the control I used to have and disarm alcohol of the allure it has for me (like I did with chocolate - can now have any amounts of the stuff in the house and don't feel tempted to eat it, although, if I do eat it, I only ever do so in moderate, controlled amounts). If only it would work with wine. I'm serious. Why doesn't it?
Px
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
The tips I've given you come directly from our members. I hope you'll read them before you discount them.
There's no more authentic help than peer support, surely?
The only thing that worked for me was abstinence. I tried control for decades. Never worked for long. Abstinence has been working for me - fantastically- for nearly 8 years now.
With regards to alcohol and chocolate - I quite like chocolate - but I lived for alcohol. That might be your difference too?
D
PS You might find more response with your own thread? It's difficult to address both you and rice here.
There's no more authentic help than peer support, surely?
The only thing that worked for me was abstinence. I tried control for decades. Never worked for long. Abstinence has been working for me - fantastically- for nearly 8 years now.
With regards to alcohol and chocolate - I quite like chocolate - but I lived for alcohol. That might be your difference too?
D
PS You might find more response with your own thread? It's difficult to address both you and rice here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Ayr, Scotland
Posts: 100
Maybe but I think we're both talking about much the same thing. I don't want to sound critical. I don't mean that in any way, but your experience is not mine and your reasons are not mine and probably not anyone else's. I have never found - despite desperately wanting to - other people's experience as they express it helpful. I really don't think that's what helps at this stage. Yes, when you're on the road and finding it hard, other people encouraging you and giving some of their own experience would certainly help. Actually getting on the road, though, seems to be a very personal thing. You can only do it your own way and I haven't found mine yet. I feel some resonance with what Rice is saying. I recognise it and so I want to make my comments here where she might see them.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
I think this way both you and rice will get the maximum feedback, Pixie.
I hope you'll learn to live with it
All I have to offer here, all anyone has to offer, is their experience.
If that experience doesn't meet what you're looking for I'm not really sure what else to suggest.
I spent years looking for a way to stop. I never found the perfect way.
To be honest, I was filling my head with white noise and throwing up roadblocks because I was terrified of stopping.
To get 'on the road', you commit to a day one, no drinking.
If you're worried for your health see a Dr first.
AA is as good a face to face support as you'll find, but there are other options too.
All that's required is for you to take that first step, that first choice, that first commitment to day one.
D
I hope you'll learn to live with it
All I have to offer here, all anyone has to offer, is their experience.
If that experience doesn't meet what you're looking for I'm not really sure what else to suggest.
I spent years looking for a way to stop. I never found the perfect way.
To be honest, I was filling my head with white noise and throwing up roadblocks because I was terrified of stopping.
To get 'on the road', you commit to a day one, no drinking.
If you're worried for your health see a Dr first.
AA is as good a face to face support as you'll find, but there are other options too.
All that's required is for you to take that first step, that first choice, that first commitment to day one.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I agree with what Dee said, Pixie. All we can offer is what each experienced on our own. And, I've been here for many years and I assure you that there are many similarities in the experiences that each of us have had. Of course, there are always differences. We all have different backgrounds and come from all over the world, but ultimately we share the experience of addiction to alcohol and our subsequent journey of recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Well all I can do is tell you what worked for me. As you are not me this probably will not help. But it's the only information I can offer aside from what you probably already know.
One morning I had to short swing into work. I drank in the morning so I could sleep. Apparently I drank too much, because I had a random test when I got to work and the results said I was "under the influence". I lost my job.
Okay, here's the part I want to share with you of what works for me. That night I said I will never let alcohol affect my life again. I quit drinking. That's what worked for me. So unless you want to lose a job and go through all that I did (still going through it) then I suggest you humble yourself a bit and find some similarities between yourself and others who reach out to you with advice OR encouragement. It's better than nothing. Call it the shotgun effect. Having so many ideas and thoughts thrown at you there is a chance that one of them will work for you or affect you positively.
It's like being in prison and not accepting pies unless you know for sure somebody put a file inside the pie. Just keep accepting the pies and maybe one of them will have that file you need.
One morning I had to short swing into work. I drank in the morning so I could sleep. Apparently I drank too much, because I had a random test when I got to work and the results said I was "under the influence". I lost my job.
Okay, here's the part I want to share with you of what works for me. That night I said I will never let alcohol affect my life again. I quit drinking. That's what worked for me. So unless you want to lose a job and go through all that I did (still going through it) then I suggest you humble yourself a bit and find some similarities between yourself and others who reach out to you with advice OR encouragement. It's better than nothing. Call it the shotgun effect. Having so many ideas and thoughts thrown at you there is a chance that one of them will work for you or affect you positively.
It's like being in prison and not accepting pies unless you know for sure somebody put a file inside the pie. Just keep accepting the pies and maybe one of them will have that file you need.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Yep. Until I was to the point that I really wanted to quit, really WANTED to change my life for the better, I didn't.
I remember being at a point similar to what you describe. The only information I can give you is that it took me getting to a place of willingness to admit I needed and wanted to stop.
Information never helped. Information kept me in my head and trying to beat myself at my own game.
When I was ready to quit, then information helped. The information in the Big Book and in others' stories and experience.
I remember being at a point similar to what you describe. The only information I can give you is that it took me getting to a place of willingness to admit I needed and wanted to stop.
Information never helped. Information kept me in my head and trying to beat myself at my own game.
When I was ready to quit, then information helped. The information in the Big Book and in others' stories and experience.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
Why did I drink? Because my brain would be in hyper drive every day due to my anxieties, insecurities, hang ups, prejudices, resentment, slightings, anger, etc. nothing, and I mean nothing makes you let go and forget like a sip of wine - well except for the rest of the bottle that follows of course. My drinking was glorious, always happy, never out of money, rocked work and school. I even drove better -- Except for being pulled over for a breathalyzer test, and the accident I got into in a parking lot.
I realized after about a decade of this, around 2011 that I really couldn't sleep without a drink. And the work I was rocking, spanned across four jobs. I did have plenty of money, but I was also anchored to many financial mistakes. My picture wasn't so rosy. And all the forgetting? I was just deferring, but not dealing.
So why did I drink? And first to escape my own mind. At the end, because my body wouldn't let go. I got out unscathed, but you couldn't pay me enough money to have another sip!
I realized after about a decade of this, around 2011 that I really couldn't sleep without a drink. And the work I was rocking, spanned across four jobs. I did have plenty of money, but I was also anchored to many financial mistakes. My picture wasn't so rosy. And all the forgetting? I was just deferring, but not dealing.
So why did I drink? And first to escape my own mind. At the end, because my body wouldn't let go. I got out unscathed, but you couldn't pay me enough money to have another sip!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
I had to be separated from alcohol.
I didn't want to stop either.
But at the same time, I knew that somehow I had to.
That awful paradox.
Hate the thought of not drinking, hate the thought of keeping on drinking.
The best information I can pass on, is not from me.
This guy has been able to find a way to live with out alcohol for 50 plus years.
I'd say he knows a thing or two.
I'd suggest a listen.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
All the best with your decisions
I didn't want to stop either.
But at the same time, I knew that somehow I had to.
That awful paradox.
Hate the thought of not drinking, hate the thought of keeping on drinking.
The best information I can pass on, is not from me.
This guy has been able to find a way to live with out alcohol for 50 plus years.
I'd say he knows a thing or two.
I'd suggest a listen.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
All the best with your decisions
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I can only share my experience. I'm very intelligent have 3 degrees, one of them as a nurse - all about health and doing what is most healthy for you.
I'm also a recovering addict. When I was in nursing school, I heard about those who turned to addiction and thought "I am too smart to fall for that, I know we'll the risks"
Despite that, I became an addict. I abused the very drug I was most scared of.
What did I learn? I did a ton of research to find out why I succumbed to addiction. I lurked here for a few years before finally joining when I had 6 months clean.
I found out that having all the smarts to avoid addiction didn't keep me from becoming an addict. I found myself in the company of extremely smart people who were in the same boat as I.
I had to give up on "but I KNOW better!!!" to realizing that a lot of people know of better and still become addicts.
I have no intention of putting you down, but I will say that knowing better and still drinking or using is not that uncommon. I had to get done nothing to who I really was, and addict despite my knowledge, and accept the help that was offered.
TBH, I had to let go of my ego, and it was really, really hard. I had to listen to those who had been the and done that. Easy? Absolutely not. Did it help? Yeah, it did.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm also a recovering addict. When I was in nursing school, I heard about those who turned to addiction and thought "I am too smart to fall for that, I know we'll the risks"
Despite that, I became an addict. I abused the very drug I was most scared of.
What did I learn? I did a ton of research to find out why I succumbed to addiction. I lurked here for a few years before finally joining when I had 6 months clean.
I found out that having all the smarts to avoid addiction didn't keep me from becoming an addict. I found myself in the company of extremely smart people who were in the same boat as I.
I had to give up on "but I KNOW better!!!" to realizing that a lot of people know of better and still become addicts.
I have no intention of putting you down, but I will say that knowing better and still drinking or using is not that uncommon. I had to get done nothing to who I really was, and addict despite my knowledge, and accept the help that was offered.
TBH, I had to let go of my ego, and it was really, really hard. I had to listen to those who had been the and done that. Easy? Absolutely not. Did it help? Yeah, it did.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 223
I spent many years trying to find out why I drank. Every time I thought I had addressed the issue i.e. anxiety, body image, being in a healthy relationship, renewal of faith..etc. I thought I would lose the compulsion but never did. Inevitably, the compulsion never went away and I couldn't control it once I started. I had to stop drinking. Period. Now I can address these issues with the mind set that I will never drink again because it doesn't matter why, how or where- I simply cannot stop the obsession once I start.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: industrial northern england
Posts: 953
Originally Posted by Pixie30f
I've spent the past year - and a LOT of money - trying to find out WHY ..... but it didn't work...... Talking about it doesn't work..... I've always felt I wasn't alcoholic, not least because I hate being drunk.
Pix
Pix
in my humble opinion Pixie:
1) "Why" is of no importance. Searching for "why" could even be a hinderance
2) Talking about it didn't help me. Getting honest about it did.
2) I am alcoholic. In the end i hated being drunk - & i hated being sober, too!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I'll bite. What information are you looking for if not what people are sharing? I'm a lawyer. Maybe I'm not so smart for picking that career path. I overthought what brought me to drinking too much. An acute inner analysis that really gave me no solutions and kept me spinning in circles. Ever see a hamster on a wheel? That was me wondering why I turned to drinking. I certainly didn't want to quit. I hated the idea of quitting. I was afraid of quitting because I had come to define myself as a drinker, but not as an alcoholic. Alcoholics were "those people."
In the end it really didn't matter what I called myself or really how I started on the path to drinking too much. I just did. So I had to quit. Everyone's reasons for stopping are different and everyone's reasons for quitting are the same. It just wasn't fun anymore waking up feeling like I licked the cat box clean, having anxiety blowing a hole in the roof, defining a successful day by how much I looked forward to the very second I could open a beer or a bottle of wine. That's the information I have to share.
In the end it really didn't matter what I called myself or really how I started on the path to drinking too much. I just did. So I had to quit. Everyone's reasons for stopping are different and everyone's reasons for quitting are the same. It just wasn't fun anymore waking up feeling like I licked the cat box clean, having anxiety blowing a hole in the roof, defining a successful day by how much I looked forward to the very second I could open a beer or a bottle of wine. That's the information I have to share.
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