worriedwife75

Bear with me its a long storey, so my husband and i have been married 3 years and together for 6, he took a job working away and already being an alcoholic this made matters worse. While he was away at work he started drinking more excessively, i wasn't there to say anything so free will right. Anyways i get a call from him late one night saying he just got out of jail he has a dui and needs me to go get him. I did trying to be a supportive wife, and drove him around all summer for his job, while not being able to find my own cause i was helping him out. He was told by his employer who is a family member he was gonna go to rehab. By this point i was really angry at him. Our family was in caous, our finances were messed, he had to hire a lawyer more bills, and he was acting as if i was the cause of it all. The day he left for dry out he was acting strange, angry withdrawn, vindictive. He left telling me he loved me, the first Saturday of dry out he called me during his free time and told me he was leaving me, that i was the cause of his drinking, even though he had been drinking 15 years before me. I was in shock and very hurt. The following sat he called to say he wanted to see if i was ok. I was like wow really. He got upset and it sounded like he was crying, i asked if he was ok, he said ya, i said i love you he said love you too and hung up.
He got out of rehab the following Friday , i found out from a third party, was picked up by the family member who he works for and didn't come home, instead called me and told me he was gonna come to the house to pick up his stuff and that he was done, moving on with his life. Not the man i know at all, void of emotion and vindictive with me. Said it not me its him, he has to start over. He has called and texted me but refuses to be around me and if he is cant look me in the face. Has made slip ups on the phone that suggests he still loves me and then gets upset when he has the slip ups.
I love my husband, and i don't understand, he wont sit down with me, and i know he still loves me so why is he doing this, is this normal during recovery. I have been going to alanon meeting for almost 2 months now as well as addiction counselling. But i don't understand maybe someone else can make sense of it for me.

least

Welcome to SR. If I were in your shoes I would let him go. He's shown he can't be trusted and he is playing with your emotions with all this back and forth crap. I'd let him go and build myself a new life without his BS.

Soberwolf

Welcome to the forum and to Sr WorriedWife

SW

Steve123123

Hey there, worriedwife. Welcome to SR. I wish I had an absolutely certain answer and route to provide you, but I do not. I simply want to let you know that I respect you for really working to make sense of everything. What you're going through sounds very challenging.

I sincerely wish you the best!

FreeOwl

I'm sorry you're going through this. Sounds to me like your husband is confused and struggling with his own issues.

This is probably a very good time to focus on YOU. Get the support you need, care for yourself, set your husband to the side at least for now as he comes to terms with and works through his own things. Early recovery can be very turbulent and confusing and also hurtful to others depending on individual experience and circumstances.

Protect yourself by caring for yourself. Let him know you love him - but focus on being there for YOU. Whatever happens between the two of you, a strong, balanced and supported YOU is the best thing you can have.

Check out the friends and family forum here at SR for some more perspective that may be related to your situation.

IOAA2

Along with Al Anon meetings this is a great suggestion. Sometimes we get addicted to relationships and need help.

BE WELL