NHTransplant

I'm sure others have faced this. Now that I'm sober (hit a bump in the road, now on day 5), I'm remembering some really awful things that I did. Friends that asked for my help, needed my help, and I chose booze. How do I make it up to people that I have hurt? How can I show them I care, besides staying sober? Thank you.


Edit: I'm sorry, I'm not trying to come across as negative or a complainer, I just need advice about how to thank the exceptional people who stuck by me when any logical person would have run for the hills. Thanks.

powderline

The only way is to go out of your way to help others and offer help opportunistically. Aside from staying sober. I was living with my long time ex girlfriend for a month last year (seven years together), and we were maybe going to work things out. That's around the time I realized I was jumping into the abyss. She had car trouble, so I drove her to work that morning while we took her car in for repairs. I wasn't yet drinking in the morning yet. At least not regularly. One of the things that hurt her the most was that I couldn't pick her up at 6 pm, because that was "happy hour" -- just me. I realized later how much that hurt her and how selfish that really way. I guess my point here is that I can relate. The only thing that heals that is time, sobriety, and seeking out opportunities to offer assistance.

least

Avoid the next 'bump' in the road, stay sober, and do the next right thing.

Wastinglife

I have only recently noticed in sobriety how many people in my life have distanced themselves from me. I sit alone most nights at home. My own family doesn't even have anything to do with me besides the odd superficial phone call.

I was always the drunkest person at the party. Most likely to start a fight with the guys or throw unwanted attention at the girls. I have a few close friends still but even they won't hang out with me if I am drinking.

MelindaFlowers

I also have a list, a long list of horrible things I did drunk in front of friends to friends. When I stopped drinking I didn't even tell any of them I had stopped drinking. I just did. My words and promises were completely meaningless so I just had to take it day by day and it took almost a month for somebody to ask me "have you stopped drinking?" During that month I even had my close friends offer me drinks and invite me to happy hours. When they asked, I just gave them a brief yes for an answer and they didn't really ask anymore questions.

I had given them all the excuses and stories in the book. Once I told them that I would only drink once a week. I didn't follow through. Another time I told them I would stop drinking hard alcohol. I didn't follow through on that either. I also told him once that I was going to stop for a month and drank a few days later..

Staying sober is the number one thing. Obviously. Other than that just trying to be helpful and positive and walk the walk, don't talk the talk. I don't think any of my friends ever thought that my moral character was bad or that I was not a good person deep down. I think they saw me as a pretty good generous kind person who just drank way way too much. Or in other words, was an alcoholic. An active alcoholic. So once I stopped drinking everything fell into place and my friendships are all good again.

I also am a believer that our friends don't really need to hear about our sobriety journey unless they specifically ask. I think nonalcoholics are about as interested in hearing about our non-drinking or sobriety as non-vegetarians are interested in hearing about someone's vegetarianism. Usually the interest wanes after about 1 to 2 sentences and then can actually turn into annoyance. So it's best to just be a normal, happy, engaged person around them

Soberwolf

Apoligise but be ready if they dont want to hear it

just keep building them sober muscles

well done on day 5

Rina

It's not really about saying anything. It's just about letting your sober light shine!

MelindaFlowers

Yes, yes, and yes! I wanted to add one more thing to my post. We do need a lot of support during the first month so that is what SR is for. Spend as much time on here as you can. I did and still do. Use us as your sounding board and inner circle for sobriety. When you're with friends talk about movies, hobbies, or Disneyland.

Anna

I think that is one of the hardest parts of recovery. We often end up feeling remorseful and ashamed for the way we have behaved with friends and family. And, there is very little we can do about it. We can apologize, but without expectations, and continue to work on recovery.

Dee74

Friends, true friends stick by you - especially when you feel least deserving of that friendship.

They can see beyond the addiction to the whole picture and the real us.

As for mending fences, my experience has shown me the best amends is doing right and living an authentically good (sober) life, being all you can be.

In recovery actions speak a million times louder than words

D

NHTransplant

Thanks everyone for the great advice. Like was said above, prove my sobriety, apologize, and try to earn back their trust. I guess it's just the alcoholic in me that wishes I could do one think (like take a drink) to make it all better. Unfortunately no such luck in the real world.