Impurrfect

Jeremy - I'm sorry you are going through all this, but I agree - inpatient rehab sounds just what you need. It's not a cure, but a tool in your recovery belt. There are many dual-diagnosis places that work with the addiction and mental illness aspects.

I have several relatives who are dealing with mental illness and recovery. My cousins were removed from their dad, went on to develop their own addiction, and are now in recovery. This didn't happen without one of them losing HER daughter to CPS, though she now has a relationship with her daughter.

I know every person is different, but I've watched two generations go through the dual diagnosis stuff and it wasn't until they had enough that they chose recovery and taking their meds.

Addiction is hard enough to move past, through in mental illness and it's harder. It is not, however, impossible. You have a lot of people who care about you, here, but we can't do this for you. We can share our ES&H, but it's truly up to you and I hope you are willing to get help soon. You deserve it and so does your daughter.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Thatdeliveryguy

Newhope1, I don't ever want my daughter to think those tings. I fear that, poor Tierstan has to deal with her crazy addicted dad. However, I love the fact as you mention it doesn't have to be that way. My lovely wonderful daughter is autistic and has lots of issues, but she is the light of my life. My hope, my redemption, my focus at times, but its hard I drink to make everything go away, and that scares me. I want to be a good dad, she still loves me, I know she tells me...... Its hard and confusing, you hurt the person you love, but don't know how to change yourself.

newhope01

It really doesnt have to be this way, TDG. There is hope for you!

You obviously care about her and you sharing with us here at SR means you want to be sober. See my father doesn't.

The thing is TDG, you have to want to be sober for you. Time to roll up your sleeves and get to work. You got so much to gain and wonderful moments waiting for you.

Answer seems pretty clear to me.

biminiblue

Get help with this.

Not help on this website. Rehab.

I've talked on a lot of your threads. It's time for you to do something. We can't do it for you.

Good luck, I know there is no sense in my suggesting this again. I'm starting to feel like we are actually harming you by giving you an outlet and attention for this stuff.

Briar

I know how hard it can be to deal with addiction and mental illness together. Sometimes you get into a spot where you aren't capable of making the right choices for yourself. It sounds like you know you're there right now. That's when you have to seek help and accept it even if you don't want to. You have to push back against the disease, not the people who are trying to help you. Your disease isn't going to help you, it's going to keep hurting you if you let it. But you have some control here, use it.

I agree with the inpatient rehab suggestion. You could get the help and guidance you need, and also demonstrate to others that you know how to take care of yourself. That goes a long way toward earning their trust.

Stop trying to control everything, you are too sick right now. You only have to make one right decision today, just one, and that's to go see a doctor and let that doctor guide you from there.

Soberwolf

Now is the time for impatient

If you want help real help you would go you cant keep walking round in circles

rehab will help with court dates and theyl make sure you turn up

J There is no other option you have exhausted them i dont know what will help you

If you wanna chat pm me if you want

Good luck Jeremy

Thepatman

I am sorry for your struggle. But you have and had great advice from great folks.

Calling the proverbial wolf, at some point will end up with the same results as the story.

You appear to want help yet keep struggling not to jump for it.
Man you are worth it, your daughter is, but fighting on the chicken side will get you no where. A big fight requires YOU. Now chin up, and fight, no long post, just bleed this out man.

I am available, pm me

EndGameNYC

You're placing a tremendous burden on you daughter with all this, and whether you know it or not, her perceptions of you have already been in a process of radical change. Children don't always listen, and they don't hear everything, but what they see influences them tremendously.

You commented earlier that you have no control over your own thinking, that not taking your meds makes you feel crazy and out of control, and that you've "hurt the person you love, but don't know how to change yourself."

You are in control, and you do know what to do. Knowing where not taking your meds brings you when you don't take them is controlling your own thoughts and behaviors. It seems that not taking your meds, being the strategy for you that it has become, is something you do in order to escape in the same way that drinking does. You don't want to feel crazy, but you do everything in your power to make yourself feel crazy. You say that you don't know how to "change yourself," yet representatives of the legal system, the healthcare system, dozens of people here who've been supporting you from the beginning, and the facts of your own life have shown you the way. It isn't about not knowing for you; it's about not doing. How much more are you willing to lose before you begin to take responsibility for yourself?

Since you've also stated that you've been drinking and that you haven't taken your meds, none of this will mean anything to you. I don't even know that this matters anymore. I understand the horrors of mental illness firsthand and, as do you, I also know that there is a way out. Claiming that you're not in control and that you don't know what to do is no longer an option or an effective strategy. You're in desperate need of help, but you continue to stubbornly refuse to get the help you need, instead offering help and support to others on SR.

This is all makes me very sad.

hunterismia

Your daughter will be happy to have a healthy father out of rehab.

go to rehab.

Go for your daughter. Go to one right now. RIGHT NOW. DON'T WASTE ANY MORE TIME!!

Ultramarathoner

You've heard every intellectual, emotional, and philosophical argument from multiple sources and you're a bright guy. I won't give my spin on what you continue to hear.

My only aditional suggestion requires little effort on your part- and can take a pretty big burden off of your shoulders.

Are you willing to talk to your MD about an injectable Atypical Antispsychotic? Risperdal Consta (bi-weekly), Invega Sustenna (monthly), or Abilify Maintena (monthly) are options.

least

I don't believe you are really giving up. If you really gave up, you wouldn't post about it. I think what you want is someone to "talk you down off the ledge". Well, everyone's talked til they're blue in the face. Now it's up to you to come down off that ledge.

If your daughter is the light of your life, then fight for your sobriety so you can keep on being her dad. I know my kids were so glad to hear I got sober.

ANewDayNYC

Hang in there TDG - this place wouldn't be the same without you. We all our struggling with our addictions.

Dee74

There's some great advice here Jeremy. I really hope you take it.

Everyone's scared of getting sober J - there's always that little voice that asks what if you can't handle life sober... what then?

That's the leap of faith I go on about - you can never know until you make the leap and make a commitment to full and total recovery - no drinking, working with your Drs, taking your meds, taking their suggestions.

Like I said yesterday there's a fence...& you're sitting on it.

Sure, somedays you swing your legs over this way, and sometimes over the the other side...and it's good to know people will always respond and say nice things about you here....but there's no real advance, is there?

The Jeremy I know - the real Jeremy properly medicated and sober - has a lot of thoughtful and noble things to say....but until you get off the fence and put some action behind you - you're just blowing a lot of hot air, man.

I've been there. It's soul crushing. I felt unworthy of oxygen.

It's never too late to become who you really ought to be J.

Face that fear...and do it anyway.

D

readerbaby71

You need more than drug and alcohol treatment. You need inpatient psychiatric care. You know that you need to take your medicine, and you make the decision to stop taking it and drink. It is within your power to change your behavior. Getting the treatment you need will help. Your daughter needs you. I'm sure she misses you. Don't give up.

tomsteve

It doesn't read like drinking to make everything go away has worked too good.
Jeremy, getting sober isn't easy. Staying sober is. A complete mental basket case for the first few months, I don't regret one second of the fight.
There's only one way t make the merry go round stop and that's to get off. But just stepping off and not doing anything to help you is taking a step back towards it.
Take the advise of others and get psychiatric help. Yu don't deserve to exist in the state your in.

Impurrfect

Jeremy - you've heard from so many people who support you and are here for you.

It's up to you. It's obvious that you love your daughter, and yes, I have a cousin who is severely autistic. If it weren't for her parents fully supporting her, I have no idea where she would be.

Give yourself a chance at the good life. Give your daughter the opportunity to have a dad who truly loves her and supports her without the substance abuse.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Serenidad

If your daughter was in your shoes, what advice would you give her? I bet you would tell her you love her and to never ever give up.

Lots and lots of prayers for you!