2muchpain

I don't think anybody is trying to guilt you into anything. I think everybody is just trying to help in their own way, so, the word appreciation is the word that comes to my mind. And this is coming from someone who has been really pi@@ed off many times from what people on this forum have responded to my threads.
People on this forum could easily say that your saying that you are done with this thread as a way to guilt people into saying what you want them to say, the way you want them to say it, but all the posts after that comment have been supportive and have shown nothing but concern.
Your on this forum because you want to stop drinking, but apparently the only support you are willing to accept is SR. Maybe that has to be that way for you; only you know that. If it is, the last thing you should do for your sake is cut ties with people that truly care about you.

ArtFriend

yeah...I am real (I think). I think you have misinterpreted what I mean. You were saying that I should not "take a break" because:

"It would be a shame if you did that. I try to look at it this way - everyone here who took time out to post to you wants to see you beat this. You don't need to like all the advice, or even the way it's presented, but people really do care AF."

So I responded by saying that I thought this was guilt inducing - because everyone took the time to post...and they all care...so therefore I should not take a break

and

I thought patronizing because I don't want to be told that I have to accept people's responses just because they post. You are saying people care. I think some do and some don't.

Make sense?

Anyway, lets close this thread.

ArtFriend

What the hell is going on here? Group think? Mob mentality? If I want to take a break or leave or disagree, so be it! This is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much work and defending and all that. I asked Dee to close the thread and I hope he does. This is absurd.

Kris47

Arty,

The only thing here of really any importance is that you have the desire to quit drinking. Our recovery is the most important thing in our lives, or the true alcoholic. I have bashed my head against walls many times, relapsed, ignored and chosen to continue drinking. It is a dead end for most of us. If you really have the desire to quit drinking, you WILL find a way. It most often takes everything at our disposal to do that. I tried "half measures" for a very long time to no avail. Half Measures | THIS24Whether you use AA or some other program one needs to use every tool that they can to win the battle against the bottle. Begin here and continue to find what other tools you need to use. The only thing that matters in the end is our recovery. We must also lose that "drinking thinking." It all takes time and yes, sometimes relapses. Try and make this your last. We're all here for you. Believe it or not.
Love ya girlfriend. Do this for you. And remember, it is not about anyone else and it's not about us. It's about us and our Higher Power. Wishing you the very best ahead.

strategery

Artfriend, the decision to leave is up to you, but I hope you stay. Why potentially compromise your sobriety because someone said something you don't agree with?

Kris47

2muchpain

I wasn't defending anybody. Those were my thoughts.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.

HeartsAfire

I know you're done with this thread, Art, but I'd like to point something out. You drank last night. You came here today to post for accountabilities sake (good work, btw). Last night your AV was convinced it won. You've enraged it by coming back here today. Is it at all possible that your responses to some of the posts on this thread are just your AV backed into a corner? I find it suspicious that you turned so quickly to defensiveness at the prospect of a little tough love. After all, you came to a sobriety website to post about a slip - you had to have known you'd get some reality checks.

I don't know for sure if this is the case. It just smells like AV behavior/talk to me so I thought I'd bring it up.

Take what you like. Leave the rest.

Hollyanne

Did you all know that you can talk to SR?
I do it all the time.
I read certain posts and say, "Ah F$%$ off with yourself!"
Or, "Oh my, that is going to start a rumble"
I read others, and say, "Here we go again..."
Others, "I would love to get on a plane and go sit with him/her for a chat"
"Oh MY GOD!, that is exactly how I feel!"
"She needs to loose that guy"
"What about the children?"
"Oh yeah, that's right, you are really struggling, trying soooooo hard, but you went to the pub to watch the game with your drinking buddies.."
I learned early on to type out my mad response and then.....DELETE!
I can't put people on "ignore" because I am too nosy. LOL

afloatsober

Just read your post and I'm sorry.
Seems that most of your angst was about other peoples stuff.
Your stuff, and the sadness here for me is that you drank again.
Are the others running around worrying about that?
I doubt it, that's just the way life is.
But you need to concern yourself with it above all comers.
This is your life at stake.
Back to priorities maybe.
YOUR sobriety today.
I wish you well.
G

2muchpain

I understand what you are saying and can agree to a point. Maybe I'm not looking at AF's concerns about some of the posts correctly, but I kind of compare her concerns like the concerns I have had with AA meetings. Some of the people at those meetings can be very harsh. Many of their comments are not just unhelpful but potentially harmful. I would get to the point that I would just say f**k it, and leave. Every time I did that I drank. There was something about those meetings that helped me stay sober. I was only hurting myself every time I left. I had to eventually develop a thick skin and learn how to ignore what some people said if I was going to survive. I had to remember I'm there for me. Of course, its great when someone at the meetings says something supportive, but it actually doesn't happen that often, but that's ok. I listen, I learn, and occasionally share (regardless of the consequences). I do this because I don't want to die.

TXStrong

That is a lot to deal with in one day. I think stress is a trigger for most of us. I know I am trying to find alternative ways of dealing with my issues.

Kris47

Arty,

Wishing you a day filled with sunshine.

Nonsensical

Good stuff. I had to evolve to a simple plan. It seems counter-intuitive, but that's how it worked for me. At first I had countless plans for every situation that would make me vulnerable to drinking. Even things that seem as benign as driving home from work. There are 5 liquor (and numerous beer/wine) stores between work and home and I would normally stop at one of them. They would call to me at first and I had a plan to deal with that. All my individual plans added up to one huge complex plan, but at first it was easier for me to execute itty bitty plans as the triggers arose.

Over time I was able to scale back. For example, I don't even think about the stores on the way home now, so that specific plan is no longer needed. Now I can just keep it simple - several main foci.

I was encouraging AF to develop a plan specific to the trigger she wrote about - having had a stressful day. The next time I have a stressful day I will ___________. I found it much easier than thinking I had a stressful day, but I'm not gonna drink, I'm not gonna drink, I'm not gonna drink, OMG I'm not gonna drink! I already knew what I was going to do instead.

Nuudawn

I see 4 pages of a caring community that want to not only keep a member here...but want to keep said member sober.

I really hope you find your way back here AF.

Aellyce

I just saw this thread... I'm sorry, ArtFriend, that you had a bad day and drank. I hope you won't leave SR if you have been finding it helpful for the most part. You are probably feeling especially vulnerable now and feel insulted and hurt by some comments you probably would not find offensive every day. Don't let this compromise your recovery.

I also like the idea of making plans for triggering and stressful situations, maybe even more than one so that you would have alternatives. For me, I had to learn how to handle my good days, actually. I found that I was most vulnerable to the thought of drinking when things went very well, as a reward. And I also refused asking for help for a long time... far too long. But when that changed, I found that most of the time people were more than willing to help - I think most of us find at least some degree of personal meaning in helping others - this is why places like SR or face-to-face recovery meetings work. I don't think there is anything wrong with your posting about whatever issue occupies your mind. Just make sure you also take actions to protect and maintain your sobriety and draw healthy boundaries when you feel someone expects too much from you. You can do this!

foolsgold66

I've done family illness and cancer deaths stone cold sober, and I have the will power of a bowl of jello, to me this says anybody can if they want to bad enough. You're never out of the woods in reality, nobody is going to remove your physical ability to pour booze in your mouth. You do seem to be suffering from a bit of the 'general manager of the universe' syndrome. I have to resign from that regularly, as it likes to pop up when it shouldn't, I'm not paid that well. I do think Rational Recovery and AVRT may resonate with you as well, but you need to really read it, and let it settle in. I wish you well.

razor15

I'm sorry it was a tough day for you. I just want to say I can really relate to what you're saying here, and SR is similarly helpful for me. I'm tapped out a bit too this weekend, so no advice, just hugs. I know we started around the same time and I follow all your posts closely. We're in this together and I want you to succeed.

sprout50

I think there is a bigger problem at play here and this is not directed at anyone in particular. We have people on the forum who relapse more than once or twice. We all come in and show our support and say things like "you can do this", "try again" etc....then we see them relapse again. (This is not directed at Artfriend-I just think this is where some of what is on this thread came from) To me, I almost think we do people a disservice by only saying things like that rather than getting deeper into the problem that led to the relapse. It's almost enabling.

Really helping someone often entails saying what they don't want to hear. Recovery is uncomfortable. But once you go through that, things get better. If people here become afraid of actually communicating and instead just throw around the 'you can do its", we become ineffectual.

As for Artfriend, I do wish you the best and I hope you find a way to deal with all the stress you have without alcohol.

luvmygirls

I've really learned a lot by reading this thread. I'm very interested in how people with long-term sobriety deal with stress, versus those of us who seem to run back to drinking as soon as there is an excuse...the "if you had my problems, you'd drink too" way of thinking, I guess.