Mea culpa
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,676
Art, sorry things have got tough but you know, you've got back up, that stumble was just that. I have only used sr also, I think a lot of us like to keep our anonymity. I say things on here I would never tell anyone else.
I know I've come on SR chuntering away and some good person has listened to me, I've just rambled and got stuff off my chest.
So feel free to rant here all you want.
And Art, jetted bath tub going unused, are you mad, girl. Lol. Love and hugs xxxx
I know I've come on SR chuntering away and some good person has listened to me, I've just rambled and got stuff off my chest.
So feel free to rant here all you want.
And Art, jetted bath tub going unused, are you mad, girl. Lol. Love and hugs xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by ArtFriend 
Thanks Scott. Yes, I really do want sobriety. I used to be a "health freak" back in the day...worked out all the time, ate right, avoided processed food, etc. I want to feel healthy like that again. But this damn alcohol flipped my switch and I cannot turn it off again. Maybe I can pull the plug? Bad analogy sorry.
One issue I have is feeling like I am bothering people. It was the way I was raised. You just had to suck it up and move on. If I had to reveal my true identity on this forum, I would never post anything. Anonymity gives me license to post without that fear. However, in "real life" I never ask for help from anyone. So, that is why I won't go to meetings or IOP therapy etc. This forum is my main support now. But is it enough?
No.
Obviously....
I hope you'll consider getting some in-person support, engaging in ACTIVE recovery and taking steps to care for yourself in ways that will support sobriety.
I'm sorry you had such a challenging day and that you allowed it to lead you back to drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by snowbunting
Lush USA does bath bombs too (link) 
I can count on one hand the number of baths I had in the five years before my sobriety date (the number is zero). I was never a bath person until I discovered the joys of Lush My Flow Yoga routine has been a life saver too. I know I wouldn't be sober right now if it wasn't for yoga and Lush baths and my Comforter playlist ready to help me deal with triggers.
But you're right - it has to be something that works for *you*. Please have fun experimenting to find out what works!
I can count on one hand the number of baths I had in the five years before my sobriety date (the number is zero). I was never a bath person until I discovered the joys of Lush My Flow Yoga routine has been a life saver too. I know I wouldn't be sober right now if it wasn't for yoga and Lush baths and my Comforter playlist ready to help me deal with triggers.But you're right - it has to be something that works for *you*. Please have fun experimenting to find out what works!
I think my health club has some yoga classes...I will check that out too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
How well I remember that 'immediacy'.
Have you looked into RR and AVRT?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
You can google 'Rational Recovery and AVRT' and find books for purchase - something to check into and read while still maintaining that anonymity.
Have you looked into RR and AVRT?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
You can google 'Rational Recovery and AVRT' and find books for purchase - something to check into and read while still maintaining that anonymity.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
ArtFriend,
I'm sorry you drank yesterday. I understand your reluctance to ask for help. I find that really hard too, and that's one of the reasons I use SR as my main support. Is it enough for you? I don't know. I do believe that it's motivation, rather than choice of program, but you know what will work for you or not.
I hope that you are able to help your friend, and that your family issues settle. You have a lot to deal with right now.
I'm sorry you drank yesterday. I understand your reluctance to ask for help. I find that really hard too, and that's one of the reasons I use SR as my main support. Is it enough for you? I don't know. I do believe that it's motivation, rather than choice of program, but you know what will work for you or not.
I hope that you are able to help your friend, and that your family issues settle. You have a lot to deal with right now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by Ruby2
I just also read what you posted about asking for help. I hated asking for help. The worst and extreme hardest part of getting sober was admitting that I needed help followed by asking for help. It was almost physically painful to ask for help. For me it was the fear that if I asked for help I would appear weak. AND that if asked for help I would a) have to do something about it and b) my drinking would no longer be a secret and I couldn't then freely indulge without feeling someone was looking over my shoulder or tsk tsking me if I did drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by Mags1
Art, sorry things have got tough but you know, you've got back up, that stumble was just that. I have only used sr also, I think a lot of us like to keep our anonymity. I say things on here I would never tell anyone else.
I know I've come on SR chuntering away and some good person has listened to me, I've just rambled and got stuff off my chest.
So feel free to rant here all you want.
And Art, jetted bath tub going unused, are you mad, girl. Lol. Love and hugs xxxx
I know I've come on SR chuntering away and some good person has listened to me, I've just rambled and got stuff off my chest.
So feel free to rant here all you want.
And Art, jetted bath tub going unused, are you mad, girl. Lol. Love and hugs xxxx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Originally Posted by ArtFriend
Thanks Mags... and yes, as a matter of fact, I am MAD! One taco short of a combo plate. But, if I get a bath bomb, the jetted tub may be my new friend!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by Anna
ArtFriend,
I'm sorry you drank yesterday. I understand your reluctance to ask for help. I find that really hard too, and that's one of the reasons I use SR as my main support. Is it enough for you? I don't know. I do believe that it's motivation, rather than choice of program, but you know what will work for you or not.
I hope that you are able to help your friend, and that your family issues settle. You have a lot to deal with right now.
I'm sorry you drank yesterday. I understand your reluctance to ask for help. I find that really hard too, and that's one of the reasons I use SR as my main support. Is it enough for you? I don't know. I do believe that it's motivation, rather than choice of program, but you know what will work for you or not.
I hope that you are able to help your friend, and that your family issues settle. You have a lot to deal with right now.
I know that I do have to make some practical changes to my environment. A concrete step is getting out of my brother's "stuff". I should have cut off the conversation last night with the GF. But she sounded so disturbed.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
All just excuses. People have beloved folks die while they're in recovery & still stay sober. I read many of your posts & they are always about other people & drama related to them. When you post responses to others, it is clear that understand recovery, but I don't think you're taking responsibility for your own behaviors. My impression is that you've been still drinking since you began posting on SR.
When I read your posts, I always feel like they are obscured - distractions from your true self & issues. You want support, but I don't think you're actually taking the risk of joining us on this journey.
I could be wrong, but those are my impressions when I read your posts. I feel like you want to be part of this community, but have yet to make any real commitment to sobriety.
When I read your posts, I always feel like they are obscured - distractions from your true self & issues. You want support, but I don't think you're actually taking the risk of joining us on this journey.
I could be wrong, but those are my impressions when I read your posts. I feel like you want to be part of this community, but have yet to make any real commitment to sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Sorry, AF, that came out more intensely than I intended. Maybe. I just think that you are a really intelligent woman, with a great deal of insight, but are always focused on other people & your responses to them & their responses to you.
I think it is important for us to understand all aspects of our lives, & our social & familial relationships, but this is not the reason we drink or don't drink. That part is about you. All the other stuff is just backstory.
I guess I just see you surrounding yourself with this wall of stories. As though loneliness or sadness is related to the way others interact with us, rather than purely our perspectives...
Again, sorry for the unvarnished comments. I actually do care about your process, & felt that just being sweet & supportive might not be what you most need...
My mother once said "honey, that's why they call it brutal honesty..."
I think it is important for us to understand all aspects of our lives, & our social & familial relationships, but this is not the reason we drink or don't drink. That part is about you. All the other stuff is just backstory.
I guess I just see you surrounding yourself with this wall of stories. As though loneliness or sadness is related to the way others interact with us, rather than purely our perspectives...
Again, sorry for the unvarnished comments. I actually do care about your process, & felt that just being sweet & supportive might not be what you most need...
My mother once said "honey, that's why they call it brutal honesty..."
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Artfriend, sorry to hear about your day and your relapse 
I'd planned for stressful moments,(there have been one or two so far) and I know drink is not an option any more, so like Snow I'm having baths and doing yoga, and praying (my own version, anyway). I can def recommend the Lush bath bombs, they are amazing ! They do soaps, perfumes, hand creams etc as well, all really nice.
I find "bitching" with a certain friend of mine takes the pressure off too, just getting it all out, saying exactly what I feel, however horrible it is. You need a really non- judgemental friend for that..a "what is said stays in the room" kind of friend...
I hope you can help your friend, maybe she would appreciate help with a de-clutter and clean up ?
x
I'd planned for stressful moments,(there have been one or two so far) and I know drink is not an option any more, so like Snow I'm having baths and doing yoga, and praying (my own version, anyway). I can def recommend the Lush bath bombs, they are amazing ! They do soaps, perfumes, hand creams etc as well, all really nice.
I find "bitching" with a certain friend of mine takes the pressure off too, just getting it all out, saying exactly what I feel, however horrible it is. You need a really non- judgemental friend for that..a "what is said stays in the room" kind of friend...
I hope you can help your friend, maybe she would appreciate help with a de-clutter and clean up ?
x
Professional zombie fighter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
I'm sorry this happened Artfriend 
This thread is really interesting, though, because of this concept of "plan for those high-stress moments." I hadn't thought of that. I think I need to do that.
Are there any other strategies besides baths, yoga, and talking? I'm just curious what else people do at those times.
May I ask what's on the playlist?? 
This thread is really interesting, though, because of this concept of "plan for those high-stress moments." I hadn't thought of that. I think I need to do that.
Are there any other strategies besides baths, yoga, and talking? I'm just curious what else people do at those times.
Originally Posted by snowbunting
I'm sorry you're having a stressful time, that sounds really horrible 
I have had quite a number of triggering things happen since I got sober (and I'm still a sobriety baby - 5 weeks and a bit - so feel free to ignore this!), and for me the very most important thing is to have a completely different strategy all ready to go and firmly in place *specifically* for when those moments of stress overwhelm you. Our instinctive reaction to stress is to drink, for numerous reasons: chemical, emotional, habitual. Change that right away, do something other than drink, and you'll be surprised how quickly you will adapt to this new thing (if you find something that works for you). What I do now in a crisis, when the word 'wine' is flashing in my head and my urge feels stronger than I am, is go upstairs, into my bathroom, run a bath, throw in a gorgeous Lush bath bomb (I have a stash of these now), play a youtube playlist I made for myself called 'The Comforter' and get in. After a phew minutes, my tense muscles and my tense mind start to relax. I stay there as long as I need. It's something I look forward to and 'earn', just like wine used to be. Yoga also helps. If you can find something that works like this for you, you'll be so much better equipped to deal with things next time. Good luck.
I have had quite a number of triggering things happen since I got sober (and I'm still a sobriety baby - 5 weeks and a bit - so feel free to ignore this!), and for me the very most important thing is to have a completely different strategy all ready to go and firmly in place *specifically* for when those moments of stress overwhelm you. Our instinctive reaction to stress is to drink, for numerous reasons: chemical, emotional, habitual. Change that right away, do something other than drink, and you'll be surprised how quickly you will adapt to this new thing (if you find something that works for you). What I do now in a crisis, when the word 'wine' is flashing in my head and my urge feels stronger than I am, is go upstairs, into my bathroom, run a bath, throw in a gorgeous Lush bath bomb (I have a stash of these now), play a youtube playlist I made for myself called 'The Comforter' and get in. After a phew minutes, my tense muscles and my tense mind start to relax. I stay there as long as I need. It's something I look forward to and 'earn', just like wine used to be. Yoga also helps. If you can find something that works like this for you, you'll be so much better equipped to deal with things next time. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by heartcore
All just excuses. People have beloved folks die while they're in recovery & still stay sober.
I read many of your posts & they are always about other people & drama related to them.
When you post responses to others, it is clear that understand recovery, but I don't think you're taking responsibility for your own behaviors.
My impression is that you've been still drinking since you began posting on SR.
When I read your posts, I always feel like they are obscured - distractions from your true self & issues. You want support, but I don't think you're actually taking the risk of joining us on this journey.
I could be wrong, but those are my impressions when I read your posts. I feel like you want to be part of this community, but have yet to make any real commitment to sobriety.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by ArtFriend
From what subjective standard do you speak?? Your statements are very judgmental and off base. There are many other people on this forum who are relapsing and trying, yet I think they and myself want sobriety. You are not in a position to make these pronouncements because you don't know me or my heart.
You will receive some tough love here, and yes sometimes even a judgmental posts - that's just the nature of life. And in reality most of those types of posts are actually good intentioned, just not helpful in the way we see it sometimes. As you mention many others are struggling, but many are also succeeding with long term sobriety.
Bottom line, the overwhelming about of support we all receive here is positive...ignore the comments you don't find supportive.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Hey ArtFiend....
I see a lot of me in you.
Here's something I learned;
When I put more energy into my own recovery ACTIONS than I did into rationalizing my own use of alcohol and analyzing the works around me and the how's and why's of my use.... Recovery began to work.
Like you, I spent a lot of time and energy defending and resisting....
When I let go and began accepting, stuff began to happen.
I see a lot of me in you.
Here's something I learned;
When I put more energy into my own recovery ACTIONS than I did into rationalizing my own use of alcohol and analyzing the works around me and the how's and why's of my use.... Recovery began to work.
Like you, I spent a lot of time and energy defending and resisting....
When I let go and began accepting, stuff began to happen.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Again, my apologies. I was just trying to give honest feedback which would have been helpful to me. I have a face to face recovery community, & sometimes it is very helpful to have folks point things out even if it feels uncomfortable. I'm just not a fan of the whole triggering bit - I understand that some situations make us more uncomfortable than others, but it is the drinking response we completely forbid ourselves, and then find ways to adapt to stress (remaining). We can't use dealing with our problems, other people's problems, etc., as excuses to drink, things we need to resolve before we can stay quit.
That's what my experience has been & how I'm staying sober.
These are typed words, so tone is lost. Please read them with a tone of kind firmness that really wants you to succeed in staying sober through every experience, forever.
That's what my experience has been & how I'm staying sober.
These are typed words, so tone is lost. Please read them with a tone of kind firmness that really wants you to succeed in staying sober through every experience, forever.
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