So confused & desperate,,,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Thx everyone! You've given me a lot to think about. I'm gonna re-read all these posts again tomorrow. I am eternally grateful for all of your support this week!
I will find my way... :-)
I will find my way... :-)
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
I can only speak for myself. I did not recover until I gave myself to the simple program of AA and I believe half measures don't work. Doing 50% of AA gets you 0% sober
I drank again because that literally was the only thing I knew that got rid of suicidal thoughts and feelings.
Drank to preserve my life and my sanity..... How bizarre is that??
*shrug *
Gave the "half measures " program a big side step this time back.
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
What if you don't find A program to commit to, but focus on finding YOUR program to commit to?
I don't consider myself committed to any particular program. I take parts of the various ones I have tried (AA for social connection, AVRT for the ongoing psychological part, SMART recovery for a few of their tools, SR for daily reassurance and commitment, and most importantly for me, an addiction therapist who helps me with my specific situation). I take whatever I need on a particular day and use that. Sometimes it gets weighted more heavily towards one, then swings to another, sometimes I feel strong and just read here a little bit or try to encourage someone else.
From your post, it seems like AA is stressing you out a bit and causing you to question yourself. Don't worry about what anyone else says - find what works for you and stick with it.
I don't consider myself committed to any particular program. I take parts of the various ones I have tried (AA for social connection, AVRT for the ongoing psychological part, SMART recovery for a few of their tools, SR for daily reassurance and commitment, and most importantly for me, an addiction therapist who helps me with my specific situation). I take whatever I need on a particular day and use that. Sometimes it gets weighted more heavily towards one, then swings to another, sometimes I feel strong and just read here a little bit or try to encourage someone else.
From your post, it seems like AA is stressing you out a bit and causing you to question yourself. Don't worry about what anyone else says - find what works for you and stick with it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Women for Sobriety helped me quit drinking. It is an empowering program designed specifically for women. It has some of the same elements as AA but a totally different perspective. It sounds like you might find it useful. There are F2F meetings in many areas and online forums. Give it a try! There are many, many ways to get sober, but I think the support of others who are also addicts is key. Community matters. I know a few people who don't care for AA but they go for the fellowship and have made great friends there. It all depends on how your brain works and what your needs are.
Good luck. xoxoxo
WFS “New Life” Acceptance Program
1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.
2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.
3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
5. I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
7. Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
9. The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past. I am a new person.
10. All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
To make the Program effective for you, arise each morning fifteen minutes earlier than usual and go over the Thirteen Affirmations. Then begin to think about each one by itself. Take one Statement and use it consciously all day. At the end of the day review the use of it and what effects it had that day for you and your actions.
Good luck. xoxoxo
WFS “New Life” Acceptance Program
1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.
2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.
3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
5. I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
7. Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
9. The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past. I am a new person.
10. All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
To make the Program effective for you, arise each morning fifteen minutes earlier than usual and go over the Thirteen Affirmations. Then begin to think about each one by itself. Take one Statement and use it consciously all day. At the end of the day review the use of it and what effects it had that day for you and your actions.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by awuh1
"what if they are right about it being "the only way?"
Who is "they"? If someone at a meeting says this, then that this their opinion. It's not what the AA literature says.
I don't want to be a DRY drunk either which is what AA tells me happens if I don't work their program.
This is incorrect. AA does not tell you this. Again, this is the opinion of an individual or individuals. Separate what the program of AA says from what some of it's members might say.
I will die unless I give myself 100% to the program and work the steps.
I would connect with the members in your area that tend toward expressing a more hopeful message, rather than a fearful one. The hopeful ones tend to be more grounded in the program.
Who is "they"? If someone at a meeting says this, then that this their opinion. It's not what the AA literature says.
I don't want to be a DRY drunk either which is what AA tells me happens if I don't work their program.
This is incorrect. AA does not tell you this. Again, this is the opinion of an individual or individuals. Separate what the program of AA says from what some of it's members might say.
I will die unless I give myself 100% to the program and work the steps.
I would connect with the members in your area that tend toward expressing a more hopeful message, rather than a fearful one. The hopeful ones tend to be more grounded in the program.
I don't believe that AA is the only way (I not so long ago recommended that you read that AVRT book you have).
I don't believe in "dry drunks" because I ve known too many non alcoholics over the years who exhibited the same characteristics and lastly
I don't think you will die if you don't do the "program" but I do believe that things will keep getting worst and your alcoholism will keep progressing unless you do something about it.
One thing I have noticed though is that prior to any drinking episodes of yours, you start finding fault with AA and make negative blanket statements based on the people who attend your meetings. It is almost like your AV is using that to make excuses for your drinking.
It is like a pattern with you. Alcohol kicks your behind, you go back to AA, love it for a few days then get all pissed off about the people at your meeting or the steps or something (I think you are truly angry at yourself) then slam you drink...alcohol kicks your behind, you go back to AA etc.
I would really suggest that you break that pattern and take away the AA excuse/trigger whatever you call it from the equation.
Read and study your RR book instead. Make a big plan to never ever drink again. Learn to recognize your AV and take full personal ownership of your abstinence.
The first step of course is to read that book then like any other tool/program etc. give it 100%
and I just hope that if you hit a bump and your AV start acting up you won't come here posting about what a tool Trimpey is or what is wrong in his book or the sad state of his hair cut.
I really believe that you can do it so don't give up.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Okay..Serindad. This whole AA 'to be or not to be" thing is really giving you a lot of stress. I too resisted a return to AA after my experiences with it back in 06/07. I remember being at my last meeting back then and thinking..."I would rather drink than come to one more of these &^@## meetings!!). And I got up and left. I don't think I drank immediately..but I did eventually. Alcohol has given me FAR too much grief in my life and well...I will do whatever it takes. For me, I realized that not only did it benefit me to have somewhere to go at night in the first bit (as that was my prime drinking time)...I needed more sober connections. I LOVE SR and it's my greatest allie in the fight...but I needed face to face recovery as well...to at the very least, meet people on the same path to do things with..have coffee with..talk to on the phone or face to face. There is stuff I do not care for in "the program" ..but there is a lot of freaking wisdom in it too. And well..it's actually not the "program" I have issue with...it's the "people". In the beginning I made a concerted effort to go to a whole bunch of meetings to find some folks I "resonated" with..and I was blessed to find them.. in my previous hometown. NOW..I'm back to square one and have to attend meetings to find my little sober community. I just need a FEW people..I don't need the whole freaking town of AA. Know what I mean? I DO NOT LIKE those who say AA is the only way. It is NOT and the folks that preach that sort of thing are scaring people away and doing the Bill W. a disservice. Is there something of benefit to you about AA? That's what you must focus on! For me, I am careful about who I select to spend time with in AA...JUST LIKE LIFE. You need to OWN your own program here. (P.S. forgive me if I am coming across as impatient and snarky.. I'm completely off nicotine last 24 hours..and it shows in my posts I think lol)
Maybe I am making this all too complicated! It doesn't matter HOW it do it...I just need to keep and open mind and do SOMETHING! Thx again!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Dee74
Don't lose sight of the goal. The goal is sobriety. I tied myself up in alcoholic analysis for many years, partly because it let me feel like I was doing something while still drinking or at least leaving that option open.. My advice is check all of these out...if AA comes out as the best fit, then keep trying AA. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1588435 D
Thx Dee.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by NewMe11109
Hi Serenidad - As others have said, there are many ways to recover, AA being one of them. I guess my comment after reading your post would be "AA seemed to work for you in 2008-2010. Why wouldn't you try it again?" I don't believe or listen to everything I see in AA either, but I do recognize that there are a lot of people in AA with a lot of sobriety time. So, I just did what they told me to do even if it didn't always made perfect sense. For me, it was hard to argue with my results (I'm 5.5 years sober now). I'm not as active in AA as I used to be, but I do get involved anytime I need a reminder of what it was like on the other side. I also have a sponsee that I work with regularly and that keeps me involved. So, why argue with your prior results? Just take action and don't do it alone. Hang in there.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
There is no perfect method Serenidad, because they were created by people and run by people...and people are not perfect. If AA has worked for you in the past and is mostly working now, why not simply give it some more time and effort to see how things progress? In relative terms you are still pretty early on in your sobriety.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by ru12
I think you need to calm down a little. I don't think it matters much if you choose a recovery program or not. What matters is you don't drink and find a way to get on with your life. AA is what it is, and if you aren't a member who cares what it or its members say about your sobriety? Plenty of people get and stay sober with and without AA.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by mns1
I think that no matter the method. You have to WANT to change. You have to want it bad and you have to know WHY you want it. When you find your why you find a way. Sometimes, we can get overwhelmed by the challenges of life, and we lose sight of our why. This may drive us back to drinking. Dig deep down, Serenidad. Stay strong and keep searching. You will find a way out of this.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Hawks
Did you partake of the wisdom of a man with 50 plus years of continuous sobriety? Before you make any call on AA. I suggest a listen to that. And I agree that once you have chosen your path, stick to it and come hell or high water..... Do not let anyone pull you off it. Best of luck with your decisions
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Carlotta
Exactly what Awuh said and I am also in AA so I guess him and I are part of the "they" I don't believe that AA is the only way (I not so long ago recommended that you read that AVRT book you have). I don't believe in "dry drunks" because I ve known too many non alcoholics over the years who exhibited the same characteristics and lastly I don't think you will die if you don't do the "program" but I do believe that things will keep getting worst and your alcoholism will keep progressing unless you do something about it. One thing I have noticed though is that prior to any drinking episodes of yours, you start finding fault with AA and make negative blanket statements based on the people who attend your meetings. It is almost like your AV is using that to make excuses for your drinking. It is like a pattern with you. Alcohol kicks your behind, you go back to AA, love it for a few days then get all pissed off about the people at your meeting or the steps or something (I think you are truly angry at yourself) then slam you drink...alcohol kicks your behind, you go back to AA etc. I would really suggest that you break that pattern and take away the AA excuse/trigger whatever you call it from the equation. Read and study your RR book instead. Make a big plan to never ever drink again. Learn to recognize your AV and take full personal ownership of your abstinence. The first step of course is to read that book then like any other tool/program etc. give it 100% and I just hope that if you hit a bump and your AV start acting up you won't come here posting about what a tool Trimpey is or what is wrong in his book or the sad state of his hair cut. I really believe that you can do it so don't give up.
Early sobriety is do damn hard! If I can just get thru these early days...weeks...months...I think I have a fighting chance. I'm not giving up. I can't. I won't. Thx again!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 109
No matter the choice of path you take, I doubt any will be a breeze. It will undoubtedly take hard work and commitment. it takes months or years to fix the mess we turned our lives into. I don't think there is an "easier softer way" - commit to something and DO IT!!!
lots of good advice here. - then again - I think action is what is needed if we are to "get better" so to speak.
I'm not even sure if the path you choose is the answer but the commitment to just do it.
lots of good advice here. - then again - I think action is what is needed if we are to "get better" so to speak.
I'm not even sure if the path you choose is the answer but the commitment to just do it.
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