Over-sharing?
 

I'm sorry for another thread. I am so new to this and so confused on so many levels. One thing I'm having a problem with is over-sharing. Now that I am finally in AA and enjoying it (as opposed to the times in the past when I did AA and felt like it was some sort of "punishment" or "chore") I feel like I want to shout it from the rooftops. I also feel like I want to tell anyone and everyone that I'm truly committed to getting better and dealing with my alcoholism.

My sponsor has advised me to be careful with who I tell and how. I see the wisdom in that, and I know that she is right.

My question is this: Who did you tell when you were newly sober? Your doctor? Your family? Your employer? Your friends? I have thus far only told one close friend and a few family members. I have also told my doctor. Yet, there's a part of me that feels such a relief that I just want to tell everyone. On the one hand, that could be good for my accountability. On the other hand, I'm feeling this tendency to over-share. Even when I've told a few family members I've found myself babbling on and on about the steps and about my sponsor and how much I love the new group I'm in. It's nice to finally stop lying and hiding -- but I don't need to go to the other extreme and tell everyone everything.

Did you all keep it off your Facebook? I saw a thread about that the other day -- someone was asking about posting about their 30 days on Facebook and they got a lot of feedback to not do it. That feedback was very good, and helped me keep from making a status update announcing I was in AA. (I don't know why I suddenly wanted to do this; I just feel like I'm bursting at the seems with happiness at being sober.)

How do I bite my tongue and stop myself from telling everyone? And WHY on earth do I even WANT to do this?

Hey, NightNDay. Congrats on your commitment to quit. I think it is perfectly natural (and positive) to be excited about your decision. I think the risk of "shouting it from the rooftop" is that people who haven't experienced addiction can't truly understand it. It may lead to them making assumptions about your character, or interpreting your behaviors in way that is not accurate.

In the end, I think it is best to let most people see the positive changes as they come, without the backstory.

I've only told my significant other of the true motivation and extent of my commitment to sobriety. All the other just get "I'm not drinking right now."

Good luck to you!

Keep in mind that this is strictly my opinion. I am not a doctor, I am not a therapist,, ect...

Group meetings are not for me. This forum is, and still helps me remain sober.

I would NEVER get on Face Book and talk about personal issues of any kind. That is why SR is here. When you hit a mile marker "Post" it here. When you have a question, let the forum know and we can try to direct you to the appropriate place. When you feel lost or want to give-up POST!!!!Believe me, it helps :)

I try to encourage, praise when due. I don't believe in all the opinions here, and that is normal and accepted. That is why you have to scope the sight. Everybody can find a place to fit it.

I just tell people I'm not drinking right now

Its good to be happy about being sober

I told only those that needed to know my family and my doctor

i dont post on facebook i post on here youl get a much more honest reply on here because we truly understand what this means to you

do a post of constant *****os if you need to im there *****oing with you being sober is so awesome

well done

Thing is, AA works in part because it's anonymous.

The reality is - even in today's society there is a lot of judgment surrounding alcoholism and addiction, and unless someone has been in it, they can't and don't understand.

Not everyone has to know everything about you. It's actually to your benefit to learn to share some things with some people and not with others.

I didn't tell anyone except AA members and this forum. I don't go to AA anymore, so I don't discuss it anywhere but here. Some people use a therapist or clergyman, they are more discreet than your next door neighbor. It's a part of who I am, but not all of who I am.

I told only the few people I thought needed to know. My shrink, my dad, and my sister and brother. No one else. I don't want to dispense such information as you never know if someone will use it against you.

I don't 'do' facebook, but even if I did, I wouldn't post my sobriety there. I save that for SR, my safe place. :)

You've answered this yourself...... "And WHY on earth do I even WANT to do this?"

Examine your motives for doing this or not. Our motives are the key to our behavior. Have you worked past the 4th step yet? This will help you when you get past step 7.

There is considerable discussion in the AA rooms about whether posting on Facebook breaks the anonymity agreements of AA. Anonymity is in place not just for your privacy and protection, but for protection of the group. The way this was explained to me is that if someone identifies publicly as an AA member, and then relapses, folks make associations with the efficacy of AA.

I am not a facebook person. It takes a lot of energy, energy which I would rather commit to a sober community like SR. I can be very open and full of enthusiasm here, and it helps others to stay sober and doesn't potentially damage me or anyone else.

My AA community is another place where I share my enthusiasm for sobriety. I have many AA friends who I spend time with outside meetings, and our shared sobriety is a theme in our friendship.

I am not in relationship right now, but would tell any prospective partner about my issues with alcohol and my commitment to recovery. I would not necessarily share that info on a first or second date, although I would be very open about not drinking/being abstinent.

I don't share my alcoholism info at work, because I feel it leads to preconceptions about my professional capacity. My secretary knows because, well, your secretary knows everything. I trust her and she often covers for me if I'm at an AA meeting.

I don't share much about it with my other friends and family, but they know that I'm actively in recovery. I've found that folks who drink socially (or family members with alcohol issues that they don't want to look at) don't understand the choice to be abstinent. The conversation never goes quite where I'd like it to (enthusiasm and support), but spirals into a place where I'm defending my choice to be abstinent or reducing the issue to details about my alcoholism which illustrate only a very limited aspect of my story.

I think the beauty of the recovery community is that it gives you a...recovery community - where you can openly share all your triumphs and struggles, your learnings and fears with people who relate and understand the scope of the journey.

Only tell people if it's necessary

What you're describing, NightNDay, is perfectly natural. I've witnessed it several times here, in IOP and in AA. I've also seen it in people who've been able to FINALLY lose weight after years of failure or among those who have stopped smoking. The zeal and rigor of describing something along the lines of a rebirth or personal epiphany can be wearing for others and is not easily trusted. Or even welcomed.

Another problem with widespread disclosure is that you cannot unring the bell. You can always tell someone about your deliverance later on. After you have some more sober time, and if things go well, you'll find your own voice, grow into the person you know you can be, and see life very differently than you do now.

Getting sober -- just getting healthy generally -- I believe, requires an acceptance and understanding of the important differences between our feelings and whether or not and how we act on them. And how we process them when we don't act on them.

As far as enhancing your accountability...you'll also be challenged by what can be the immense pressure you might feel after letting the cat out of the bag. How do you explain yourself when the inevitable emotional downturns occur? Will you feel the urge to defend yourself when your enthusiasm about sobriety becomes less intense, even absent? The pressure itself can evolve into a trigger for relapse.

I generally prefer acting over thinking or extended planning, but timing and context are everything. It can take years of learning about ourselves and a great deal of practice to become decisive and to be in a position to live with the consequences of our decisions. You don't need to deal with any of that right now. Staying sober is enough of a task, and generally requires our undivided attention.

I've told close family and one trusted friend that I go to AA.

Everyone else, I've just said I don't enjoy drinking any more.

I did not tell anyone when I stopped drinking. I really just wanted to focus on myself and the changes I was making on a daily basis. My family saw for themselves that I was changing. I never told extended family about my alcoholism. And, I would never, ever tell anyone in the workplace. Keep in mind that there is a lot of negativity attached to alcoholism and you never know when it might backfire on you.

I'm glad. Her getting help and excited about recovery, but. Think about. This:
Ya go and shout from the rooftops, post it all over the web and tell everyone yer in AA and then find yourself drunk again.

I bit my tongue by practing humility and biting my tongue.
Why on earth you would Want to tell everyone could have a few motives,which the steps will prolly find out, but could be ego,pride, justification to name a few.

Welcome tto the forum nightnday. Congratulations for your newfound sobriety and exuberance.
Endgame and others have given good words to you.
Ask yourself these questions again in 90 days and see how you feel then.
Facebook is out regardless-just my opinion.

My family knows, a person at work knows (he is in Recovery too!), most of my FB friends are in recovery but not all of them and we don't post about it openly. There is actually a pamphlet on the AA site about anonymity and social media and as the GSR, I had to take it back to my home group.

I try to work on me.... I listen, if I hear someone might need me, I step in and say what helped me but I don't shout it.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

I think less sharing is better. I don't think I've ever heard someone wake up the next morning and say "I wish I would have shared more." Less is more.

I didn't say a peep to anyone until I had a month or two of sobriety. Otherwise I didn't even believe myself that I had really stopped.