Coming out of the haze of relapse depression
 

Ok so, so the last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind. Its been crazy, everything that could go right did, then it went all wrong because I relapsed.

I've reset myself some now, back to AA, working with the mental hospital, complying with all court request and CPS request.

Absolutely kicking myself still for lying to me! Yeah I lie to myself a lot, I out wit myself and discount the things I need to do.... Outpatient, inpatient, AA, AVRT, CBT, counseling, the mental hospital, friends with sober time. All this, I know all this and I've given a half hearted effort to all of it... When my AV calls I listen.

I've currently got no plan, because I am transitioning. I think part of the reason of I have no plan is because I am scared of committing to quit. Again, this guys AV yelling at him, telling him he can't do this.

I had an interview today, I think it went well lasted over an hour. I might get a job, I am analyzing all the above options and really trying to get to the heart of relapse and what recovery means. I still don't know, because I haven't had more than weeks of sobriety at a time.

I have a stable situation till the end of the month though, all my bills have been paid one way or another through public assistance. So what I won't do is sit on my duff and do nothing, but what I am going to do moving forward is still a mess in my head. This last relapse really smacked me in the face, I am honestly lost as to why it happened, but maybe thats even my AV lying to me again.

I am confused still a little all over the map as you can probably tell, but most of all I am sober for the moment. Don't know what else to say, I knew getting sober was going to be hard, but not this hard.

Thanks for reading good day to you all.

You're not alone here in lying to yourself, I spent 30 years like that.

The sooner you decide which side of the fence you're on, the sooner you can start re-building your life Jeremy :)

Don't straddle that fence man :)

D

TDG, if you are back in AA, working with a mental hospital and complying with all court and CPS requests, that sounds like the start of a good plan. I agree inpatient or intensive outpatient would be a great addition to your plan; you mentioned previously that inpatient isn't an option due to court commitments - are you able to work IOP into your program.

Glad to hear that your living environment is stable until the end of the month.

Good to see you sober my main man - Hang in there good luck with everything

"Scared of committing to quit"
Nailed it!
I feel ya.

good luck

(((TDG))) you can do this, we are all in your corner. One day at a time is all any of us can do. Hold your head up and accept any support that is offered to you. I really hope you are ok and I wish you all the best.

I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way, TDG.

We experience severe negative consequences as the result of our alcohol use and then we fear committing to quitting more than we fear drinking again. Could that lack of rational processing be the result of anything other than an addicted mind?

I'm not poking you, brother. I had it in spades. That fear feels very real, but it isn't. It's a lie manufactured in an addicts mind to keep him addicted.

It took a couple of months, but mine went away. Yours will, too.

You can do this.

Rootin' for ya'! :a122: