Ellay

What will rehab give you that you aren't getting right now?

ANewDayNYC

Mrrryah1 - your posts have helped me in the past. Hope you realize the positive impact you have.

Dee74

I think you've been screwing yourself over Mrrryah.

Something needs to give and I know I speak for all of us when I say we so don't want that something to be you.

If you've decided now that rehab is not an option, what are you going to do?

D

happyandfree

I hope you can figure it out myrrah....you are worth it. Do whatever it takes.

LBrain

Mrrryah, If you can get into a rehab, do it. It's just that the percentage of people who come out of rehab and stick to it are not impressive. But if you go into it with 100% desire to learn about yourself and use those learnings I am all for it. Many have counselors that address other issues clients are dealing with. If you can find a "dual diagnoses" facility that understands your issues, then it can be helpful.

Still at the end of the day, it is up to YOU to do what it takes to stay sober. No-one else can do it for you.
I was not accusing you of anything. I was hoping to get you to think about your motives and what you really want - and need.

I want you to succeed more than anything. But I don't want you spinning your wheels going from plan A to plan B to plan C back to plan A in an endless cycle.
Hope you understand where I'm coming from. Do whatever it takes.

SoberLeigh

Mrrryah, I have not been to rehab so I can't speak from experience. I suggest it as I feel that the 'cycle' in which you find yourself needs to be broken and I believe rehab (as LBrain mentioned - one with dual diagnoses expertise, counsellors and therapists) could accomplish that and, also, provide you with more tools and a plan to utilize when you re-enter day-to-day life.

As others have said, the truly hard work has to take place 'within' to reach that place where (a) acceptance that we cannot drink/use and that alcohol and drugs have nothing good to offer us merges with (b) unshakeable commitment.

As for work, it is not your problem that your boss quit; workplaces somehow survive these events but our Mrrrryah - will she survive unscathed without a break in the 'cycle'? A friend of mine's son did not - 22 and gone. I am beyond worried about you, dear Mrrryah; I am truly scared.

Fly N Buy

Meeting makers make it!!!



I don't judge as it took me many, many years to get to a point of surrender. As kids we use to play capture the flag during summer months on occasion. What a great game!

When I finally had enough, I had to pick up my flag and hand it over to the other team. I simply could not do it anymore, by myself. I had to grow up......it was time.

Wish you the best friend. It truly is a matter of making the choice first and foremost - at least it was for me.

peace
FlyN

SoberLeigh

How are you feeling today, Mrrrryah?

DefconOne

Rehab saved me. It was time to put the car in the garage and put in a new life motor based on sober living skills. It takes time, patience, courage, and an open mind but you can change your life. Booze is for losers. Do it!

SoberLife90

Hello! I think rehab would be a great choice if you feel you have a drug or alcohol problem. Do you have insurance? If you do its a really good idea to go. I went to treatment and it changed my life...from that day forward I have been living my life. Think about it...I'm could be the best decision you ever make. They will detox you in a safe place and give you the tools to stay sober.

newhope01

Hello Ms. Mrrryah,

Please let us know how you are doing.

Your Friend,
Newhope01

Nuudawn

One of the things I have realized in my recovery is how many holes my addiction crawls out of...
Work-o-holism is one of them. I have knocked myself out ..overgiving in work situations repeatedly..
It's why I figured I could open my own business..
Well..turns out I have to knock myself out for somebody other than myself. I would imagine it's part of my approval seeking/please love me nature.

So many times I have convinced myself that I am "indispensable" and that the walls would cave in if I didn't show up for work. In a particularly dark period of my life where my drinking was at its worst and I was struggling nightly with suicidal ideation, I went to the doctor in terror. My doc was away and the substitute refused to give me antidepressants in case they gave me enough oomph to kill myself. He prescribed "stress leave" instead.

I couldn't do it. I found old anti depressants in my medicine cabinet and awaited my doc's return. I eventually quit that job. I digress.

This is life and death and sweetie.

Do what you must. The walls won't cave in there...I GUARANTEE it.

Just this morning I was talking to a recovery friend back home via text. She is having "work issues" and she is recoverying from a 35 year heroin habit. She scared me because work stress is making her want to "use".

Please don't allow a freaking job to kill you.

SmartyPants

reality check: this is not a dress rehearsal. we only live once. this is the deal - right now. and it is your life - nobody else's which is in the balance at this present moment. with this in mind, are you really left with any real option of what you need to do next??

best of luck in all that you do. rehab gave me life. only now do i really want to live life

Ellay

Been thinking of you .... How are you doing?

SoberLeigh

Hope you let us know how you are doing, Mrrryah.

Mrrryah1

Haven't drank or used since I posted originally. I honestly don't even want to.

But all I can see in the future is black. Darkness. I have no hope left. It's a wierd feeling. The last strain of it is gone now. Or at least I can't feel it/find it/feel it anywhere. I mean.
Before I was always able to muster up something to keep me going. Concentrating on how life might get better. This feeling might pass. Or whatever. Now? Nothing.

I can't just end it because I could never do that to my parents after all I've put them through. So Im stuck. Trapped in this reality/existence that I am soooooo done with.

I don't even know why I'm typing or posting this. It's pointless. I guess I'm just mega bored. Something to distract me for a few minutes.
Can't leave my bed. Time ticks away. Moment by moment. A bunch of nothingness going nowhere. Blah.

Maybe I've lost it completely. I don't really care. Just a thought that enters my conciousness.

SoberLeigh

Very relieved to hear from you, Mrrryah.

Have you been in bed since Friday? Have you eaten anything; could you be dehydrated?

I can hear the despair in your post and understand that you can't find hope right now, but are you able to take a leap of faith and trust a whole bunch of people who care about you when we say that it is likely you will find hope again (and so much more) once you have achieved a sustained period of sobriety?

Nuudawn

Sweetie..when the elevator hits bottom, it's pretty cold and dark down there. You're in the basement...no windows, no sun...maybe even a rat or two scurrying about. It's dismal as hell.

But guess what? This is it. This is bottom. How's it look? Not a place you want to hang out long or ever return too.

Here's the good news. It's over. This is it. Take a look...get back in the elevator.

Sobriety.

Going up?

Mrrryah1

Well your responses made me breakdown and cry and cry and cry. So maybe that's a good thing? Maybe that means there's something left inside after all.

Wastinglife

I know how you feel Mrryah. I have been in 'recovery' for almost 4 years. Keep relapsing. On 10 months now but after a decade of alcohol abuse, I have nothing in my life. I have such a huge hole to dig out of. Things seem bleak. Hopeless.

However, I know there is something out there for me. The reason I need booze and drugs to feel good about myself is because I am not comfortable in my own skin. I have been faking it my whole life. Trying to be something I'm not.

I'm done pretending. However, it is a struggle to say goodbye to your old life and the people in it. Those people only saw a character that I made. Someone who I thought they would like.

I am seeing a therapist who is helping me to see who I really am. Have you thought about a therapist?