chickippo

i couldn't imagine why ANYONE wouldn't want to drink delicious booze. i was exactly the same as you, OP. what's the point of any of it if i can't cut loose once in a while?

i have woken up so many mornings in so much fear. 'cutting loose' has always ended in disaster for me - i just wasn't prepared to join the dots and see the real picture.

i'm nearly 7 months sober now, at the ripe old age of 41. i have ruined so much through my blind addiction to alcohol. if you offered me a beer now? hand on heart, i don't want it.

the thought of drinking now, of being drunk, scares the hell out of me. it also disgusts me on some visceral level now. i don't WANT a drink. i promise you faithfully, i never thought i could quit. booze was my friend, my comfort, my reason for living.

life is pretty sweet these days. i lost so much, but here i sit still alive and still fighting.

it's really important to me that you believe this: there was never any chance that i could quit drinking. it was apparent to me, to my family and my friends that this was how i would bow out - if not in a drunken accident or as a result of dangerous behaviour, then from the physical damage i was causing myself.

today, i am sober. today is all i need. there is life, and GOOD life to be had, without booze. please give yourself the opportunity to discover this for yourself. 19 days is amazing. taken one day at a time, those days stack up.

be well.

IOAA2

Hi.
19 days is great for an alcoholic to be without a drink, one day at a time in a row!
During that period I needed to stop glamorizing drinking and see it for what it is for me.
I also had to accept that I can no longer drink in safety and stop think about drinking, direct my thoughts towards non drinking thinking.
This getting and staying sober is not a walk in the park if we want to stop the misery it causes. It requires work and personal changes if we want to or not.

BE WELL

anattaboy

This dialogue with self that allows one to think they can drink despite enough evidence to the contrary to stand up in a court of law is what addiction is. Normal folks don't have this ambivalence. I agree that it was a bad romance--can never again be like it was. Have you seen the RR and AVRT stuff in the Secular Forums? The tools there help me a lot. Best wishes.

Fishinainteasy

that's the tricky part for me. the idea of the drink is sooooo different than what actually happens. its the obsession. expectations vs reality. i have all the same thoughts. but even most of those people who can "drink responsibly" at the ski resort, vacation, etc. feel crappy the next day anyway. all my life I've dealt with anxiety and a general feeling of unease. depression, etc. and it sucks. but feeling good for an hour isn't worth all the regrets, pain, danger, health problems that drinking causes. good luck

360shoes

I can only speak for me so here goes.

I had to reinvent myself. A total 180. It was quite the job. One of the hardest things I've done. Nothing would have been easier for me then to continue on doing what I was doing. All I had to do was keep believing what I already thought I believed. Problem was it wasn't working. And by not working I mean I was unhappy and in conflict with myself a lot. Didn't matter what was going on around me.

I had to take one belief that wasn't taking me to being the person I wanted to be and change it. I started with one. If I could change one, I figured it opened the door to changing my life.

My first one was convincing myself alcohol sucked. Not on its own. It's fine sitting in its own little bottle minding its own business and even fine in maybe someone else's hand in a glass. Just not mine. That was my reality whether I liked it or not.

Alcohol is neither good nor bad. It's an inanimate object with no meaning other than the one I give it.

My journey all started with getting kind of good at not holding on to beliefs and ideas that did not serve me.

I did not need to drink to celebrate or find meaning in a damn thing. I choose what I value. And I change what I believe if it does not help me be the person I choose to be.

I always knew that I didn't have to believe what anyone told me without testing it out on myself to be my truth. I just didn't know I had that option on my own beliefs.

My first change in beliefs....alcohol offers me something positive.

Nope. It doesn't. Not one darn thing. So far, believing that seems to be working better for me.

Be very clear with yourself on who you want to be and don't let go of it. Then start working on valuing the beliefs that make it happen.

That's how I made change happen anyway. Just me.