Day Six
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
Day Six
Hello everyone.
Have had a lot of day one and two over the past year, so I didn't want to register until I had a few more days under my belt. Have been drinking very heavily for the last 1.5 years. Before that, it wasn't that much better but it wasn't all day long. I've been "highly functional" whatever that mean, but I haven't missed any work, been late, been noticed, etc. My work is isolating and not. I don't work with colleagues, though I have some. In any case, I laid off the sauce for the most part at work except when I would slither to my not too close car to take a few sips just to remain "normal" and not throw up.
My moment of clarity will come as sort of vain, but here it goes anyway.
I think we try to trick ourselves into thinking that alcohol isn't affecting us, or maybe we know, but we can't come to grips with leaving it. So if one chooses to ignore the external or internal symptoms, or both, AV and the mind will play tricks.
For me, even though I saw pictures of myself, I would look in the mirror in low lighting and think I looked fine. A little bit of stomach bloat and a little bit more chub on the face, but I thought that it was from bad eating.
Last Thu I got my hair done. Couldn't avoid sitting under the bright lights. Nowhere to turn, no chance to glimpse myself from the side or from the best lighting. Nope. There is was. Full blown red, bloated face with beady eyes, sallow and embedded into my face. There were the drooping jowls. I'm not 21 anymore, but yikes.
Of course in the weeks and months leading up to this quit date, that wasn't the only thing on my mind. Months of blurriness after work where I would put the kids on electronics and be in and out of sleep (not passed out, YET), do the minimal all while nipping on the vodka. It was insanity. I've stopped before so I don't know why I go back.
Alcohol has affected me, my relationships, and other things in tons of ways. There hasn't been a rock bottom. Most people, including the husband, just think I'm really manic and depressed and have violent mood swings. He has no idea the extent to which I was drinking. I don't want it to seem like I quit just because I want to look good. That's not it. It was just the proverbial straw.
I also didn't want to be registered and be told I need to enter detox or see a doctor for safe withdrawal because chances are, that would have created so much anxiety that I probably would have had some major stuff happen.
I didn't experience any withdrawal which is not unusual for me. I guess I'm just "lucky" as if there is any luck in this horrible disease.
For those of you on the fence about quitting, the physical benefits are noticeable almost immediately. I had bad edema around my eyes over the last two months. It's gone. I look totally different. The puff in my face is gone. Stomach down. Still have a long way to go, but it's amazing how resilient the body is.
I was drinking a lot toward the end. Over a pint of vodka a day and sometimes a fifth over the course of 24 hours. I'd get one at CVS at 7 in the morning and by noon, the next day, it would be gone. I'd started to break my own silly rule of 'no more than a pint a day'.
What can I say now expect that I'm taking it one day at a time. I've been amazingly productive. I've actually gone grocery shopping for fruits and vegetables and I've been cooking. Before, I was running to the family general to get quickie meals for everyone.
Anyway, hi everyone. Good luck and I wish us the best.
Have had a lot of day one and two over the past year, so I didn't want to register until I had a few more days under my belt. Have been drinking very heavily for the last 1.5 years. Before that, it wasn't that much better but it wasn't all day long. I've been "highly functional" whatever that mean, but I haven't missed any work, been late, been noticed, etc. My work is isolating and not. I don't work with colleagues, though I have some. In any case, I laid off the sauce for the most part at work except when I would slither to my not too close car to take a few sips just to remain "normal" and not throw up.
My moment of clarity will come as sort of vain, but here it goes anyway.
I think we try to trick ourselves into thinking that alcohol isn't affecting us, or maybe we know, but we can't come to grips with leaving it. So if one chooses to ignore the external or internal symptoms, or both, AV and the mind will play tricks.
For me, even though I saw pictures of myself, I would look in the mirror in low lighting and think I looked fine. A little bit of stomach bloat and a little bit more chub on the face, but I thought that it was from bad eating.
Last Thu I got my hair done. Couldn't avoid sitting under the bright lights. Nowhere to turn, no chance to glimpse myself from the side or from the best lighting. Nope. There is was. Full blown red, bloated face with beady eyes, sallow and embedded into my face. There were the drooping jowls. I'm not 21 anymore, but yikes.
Of course in the weeks and months leading up to this quit date, that wasn't the only thing on my mind. Months of blurriness after work where I would put the kids on electronics and be in and out of sleep (not passed out, YET), do the minimal all while nipping on the vodka. It was insanity. I've stopped before so I don't know why I go back.
Alcohol has affected me, my relationships, and other things in tons of ways. There hasn't been a rock bottom. Most people, including the husband, just think I'm really manic and depressed and have violent mood swings. He has no idea the extent to which I was drinking. I don't want it to seem like I quit just because I want to look good. That's not it. It was just the proverbial straw.
I also didn't want to be registered and be told I need to enter detox or see a doctor for safe withdrawal because chances are, that would have created so much anxiety that I probably would have had some major stuff happen.
I didn't experience any withdrawal which is not unusual for me. I guess I'm just "lucky" as if there is any luck in this horrible disease.
For those of you on the fence about quitting, the physical benefits are noticeable almost immediately. I had bad edema around my eyes over the last two months. It's gone. I look totally different. The puff in my face is gone. Stomach down. Still have a long way to go, but it's amazing how resilient the body is.
I was drinking a lot toward the end. Over a pint of vodka a day and sometimes a fifth over the course of 24 hours. I'd get one at CVS at 7 in the morning and by noon, the next day, it would be gone. I'd started to break my own silly rule of 'no more than a pint a day'.
What can I say now expect that I'm taking it one day at a time. I've been amazingly productive. I've actually gone grocery shopping for fruits and vegetables and I've been cooking. Before, I was running to the family general to get quickie meals for everyone.
Anyway, hi everyone. Good luck and I wish us the best.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Welcome!!
Here's a very old thread I came across the other day - over 500,000 views. I know why when I read the information. Like you, never any issues when I stopped = YET.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lly-again.html
Thought it might be useful, was to me.....
FlyN
Here's a very old thread I came across the other day - over 500,000 views. I know why when I read the information. Like you, never any issues when I stopped = YET.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lly-again.html
Thought it might be useful, was to me.....
FlyN
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the SR family. I'm glad you joined us. Congrats on your upcoming week sober. There are so many benefits to getting sober. The longer you stay sober, the better you'll feel.
I'm glad you joined us. Congrats on your upcoming week sober. There are so many benefits to getting sober. The longer you stay sober, the better you'll feel.
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