tiashiba911

My boyfriend just went back to rehab for the second time. The salvation army rehab. He is addicted to synthetic marijuanna and is on probation. The first time he went he kissed another girl because he thought we were broken up and he thought i was doing the same and left early because he felt guilty and wanted to tell me . I was upset he left for that reason. I think his recovery is more important than that. Even though I was upset I forgave him.
Now it's his second attempt at rehab after a relapse with spice (a drug very common in Las vegas.) And after not attending a mandatory drug test because of his laziness while using spice he was afraid of jail time and told his probation he wants to attend a rehab. This rehab is a 6 months program. The first month there is no outside contact aloud except writing letters to each other. So far I lost a lot of hope in him because of all the pain he put me thru. He has alot of potential and I still want to believe in him .i love him with all my heart and he is a total different person when sober. I know I'm his only support since everyone else gave up on him . This may sound selfish but I dont want to be cheated on again I know it was just a kiss and he told me he made a mistake . I guess I'm just paranoid. I should belive in him more but I'm just a overreacting gf. But at the same time I want to leave him and avoid the pain. But I feel like if I leave him I will regret it and come back. Sorry that I'm all over the place

least

Welcome to the family.

Why can't you just wait til his six months is up and he gets out? See what happens then.

tiashiba911

I guess I really miss him too and I want to wait for him but I don't want to be told that he had a little relationship in there and hurt me again. He has hurt me in every way he could. Stole from me lied to me ... I don't know if it's worth waiting anymore

Nowsthetime

Hello: please re read your post. You are selfish for not wanting to be cheated on??? Excuse me?

It sounds like he is manipulating you. My only advice is that people will do to you what you let them do. Cut him loose, see what happens and revisit the subject when he is out.

You truly deserve better

doggonecarl

Your boyfriend is a spice addict, on probation, doing his second rehab stint.

You have way bigger issues than if he kisses a girl while he's in his program.

tiashiba911

I feel like he is manipulating me but he did realize what he did was a mistake . After he kissed her he said he ignored her and he even burned himself with a cigarette cause he felt so guilty. I want to believe him and forget about it and focus on his recovery and that it was a stupid mistake he made just like all women I'm a little paranoid. And I'm not sure if just a little kiss is worth leaving him

JT0626

The bolded above is a deal breaker for me. I would've left based on that alone. Your boyfriend is lucky that you still want to be with him.

I would suggest no contact while he is in rehab. Live your life as if he is not in it. Recreate a new relationship with yourself & learn to be alone. Stop thinking about him & refocus on YOU. Once you do that, you can make a better decision on whether you want to continue a relationship with him.

JT0626

Kissing is cheating......

Soberwolf

Welcome to sr Tiashiba

tiashiba911

I think I should leave him then. I don't know how to write it to him though. I gave him so many chances and i thought this was his last chance. Before he went in I gave him the ultimatum that if he wants to be with me must stay all 6 months and not cheat on me again.that was the first time he ever cheated on me and he told me right away. I feel like I should stick with what I gave him if he stays all 6 months because the first time he left early but Idk if I should still stick with the last chance now. I been very back and forth about what I want to do

phoebe64

Maybe you can get some help and support in Friends and family section here on the boards. You deserve to not be cheated on, stolen from, or lied to. That is quite a list. Also, he seems to have a recurrent problem with the addiction.

Don't you think you deserve better than that? We all deserve better than that.

Carlotta

to SR
We have a subforum especially for friends and family of addicts Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
you will find a lot of support here.
The way I see it is that your boyfriend self sabotaged himself by flirting with that girl instead of focusing on his recovery then used it as an excuse to leave rehab early because deep inside he did not want to be clean and sober.
Feeling guilty and all the nonsense he told you (including about burning himself whether it is true or not) is just some manipulative bs aka quacking.
There are many nice young men out there who are not in legal trouble, are working or going to school rather than doing a second rehab stint, don't cheat on their girlfriends and certainly will not steal from her.
Don't you think you deserve much better than that?
I know that change is scary and us codependents have that misguided sense of loyalty to those we love even when they hurt us over and over. I could advise you to drop him and move on and forward with your life but I know that you are not ready for that.
Why don't you take the opportunity of him being away to take care of yourself, read and post here and maybe go to naranon or Alanon?
You deserve to be loved and respected

tiashiba911

Yes I do feel like I deserve better but if he completes the program he might be worth it.

JanieJ

Welcome Tiashiba.

I would echo what everyone else has said -you deserve better treatment than that, hun.

Nowsthetime

I am a woman and I am not paranoid about those things so please do not try to make your situation sound better. You are only telling lies to yourself. This man lied, stole and cheated... What will it take?

I hope that you find strength to love yourself more than you love him. Addicts never quit for others. He has to want it for himself.

tiashiba911

My question is why does he keep fighting for me ? I don't feel lIke he truly loves me

Carlotta

This is good and a self respecting thing to do but from experience I can tell you that issuing ultimatums is quite easy, sticking to them and following through is the tough part.
I would rather suggest that you set boundaries for yourself such as:
I will not be with someone who is on drugs, does not want to get better, cheats on me and steals from me.
Think of whatever absolutely unacceptable behavior you will NOT put up with and stick to them.

JT0626

Why wouldn't he keep you around? You take everything he throws at you & still stay no matter how disrespectful.

biminiblue

I would not be in a relationship with this person.

He will get great support in rehab when you break up with him. This is the best time for both of you.

In six months you may have moved on, or he may have anyway. That's a long time to wait for a lying, stealing, cheating drug addict. Cut him loose now so he can focus on his recovery and you can focus on yours without his constant words in your head.

This "like most women I'm paranoid"? That sounds like him. Most women would have left long ago. You have good reason to be paranoid.

Carlotta

It is amazing how many of us when it comes to the addict have put our own life on hold because of his potential.
I have done it too, fallen in love and stood by a man's potential because things could be so awesome between us if only he..... (whatever he was supposed to be doing).
What he could be worth is one thing, what he is worth right now and how it affects you is another.