I was really close to drinking tonight
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Jacksonville FL
Posts: 164
I was really close to drinking tonight
I am on day 10 today. I had a good day at work. But after work, on my way to a meeting, I got into a car accident. It was my fault. I rear ended the car in front of me at a light. I am not hurt and neither is the lady I rear ended but her car is damaged.
On my way home after the accident I stopped at publix for dinner and then bought a 5th of 100 proof Captain Morgan and came home. I made myself my favorite drink, captain morgan and diet coke mixed drink. I sat and looked at it and thought about it for a while. At one point I put the glass up to my mouth, didn't take a sip but I was close to doing it. I smelled it and wanted to drink it but put it down. And thought some more about drinking it but also about having to start all over at day 1 again and having to tell my sponsor that I drank and having to pick up another white chip.
Finally I decided I didn't need to drink. That I would feel worse if I did and I didn't want to have to start back at day 1 again. Also I didn't want the people who have been helping me to get sober to stop believing in me. So I poured it out in the sink. And poured myself a glass of just plain non alcoholic diet coke instead.
I am happy that I fought the urge to drink tonight. But I also feel guilty, like I half cheated, by putting that mixed drink up to my lips and almost taking a sip. I feel guilty even tho I didn't drink it, because I came so close to taking a sip.
On my way home after the accident I stopped at publix for dinner and then bought a 5th of 100 proof Captain Morgan and came home. I made myself my favorite drink, captain morgan and diet coke mixed drink. I sat and looked at it and thought about it for a while. At one point I put the glass up to my mouth, didn't take a sip but I was close to doing it. I smelled it and wanted to drink it but put it down. And thought some more about drinking it but also about having to start all over at day 1 again and having to tell my sponsor that I drank and having to pick up another white chip.
Finally I decided I didn't need to drink. That I would feel worse if I did and I didn't want to have to start back at day 1 again. Also I didn't want the people who have been helping me to get sober to stop believing in me. So I poured it out in the sink. And poured myself a glass of just plain non alcoholic diet coke instead.
I am happy that I fought the urge to drink tonight. But I also feel guilty, like I half cheated, by putting that mixed drink up to my lips and almost taking a sip. I feel guilty even tho I didn't drink it, because I came so close to taking a sip.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey ItsJustMe89- Way to stay strong! Especially after the day you had. Seriously, even with bottle in hand, you still managed very well. (Maybe pass on the store next time- as that was a close call!)
That's one of the main reasons I've been able to do pretty well. I know me, and I know that I'd be so F****** pissed and disappointed, that I know the one day buzz would not be too fun. I'd just be thinking to myself, why?
Again, nice job.
Lusher
That I would feel worse if I did and I didn't want to have to start back at day 1 again.
Again, nice job.
Lusher
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Great job on not drinking that poison!!! You rock! My really good friend died of alcoholism last fall (and she was young!) and her drink of choice was Captain Morgans. (By the gallon at the end). It was such a long, slow, torturous death for her. I miss her.
You'll be glad you didn't drink tomorrow! What strength that took! :-)
You'll be glad you didn't drink tomorrow! What strength that took! :-)
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
Great job ItsJustMe! Next time try to not let it get that far. I know that if I made it all the way back to my house and poured myself a glass I could have never refrained from drinking...I may as well have relapsed once I bought the bottle. Anyways...don't feel guilty about your close call. You did not drink. Simple as that. Good luck.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Well done, IJM. 
That was a very character -building thing you did !! I know how hard that is.
I did something very similar about four days in; This is from one of my first posts here:
"I actually poured a glass of wine last night - looked at it for a while- sniffed it-remembered why I'm doing this -and poured it away, and the rest of the bottle. Probably the most difficult thing I've ever done. So close..."
Think maybe we've all done it at some point ?
That was a very character -building thing you did !! I know how hard that is.
I did something very similar about four days in; This is from one of my first posts here:
"I actually poured a glass of wine last night - looked at it for a while- sniffed it-remembered why I'm doing this -and poured it away, and the rest of the bottle. Probably the most difficult thing I've ever done. So close..."
Think maybe we've all done it at some point ?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by JanieJ 
Think maybe we've all done it at some point ?
ItsJustMe, I'm happy that you made it through this.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: uk east yorkshire
Posts: 115
well done, excellent you didn't drink it, on day 6 I bought a case of lagers I brought them home with the intention of drinking them, but they went down the sink, now im on day 74, who knows where id be today if I drank them, but I know I wouldn't be 74 days sober
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