Turning the season I fear into (truly) the most wonderful time of the year.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
Turning the season I fear into (truly) the most wonderful time of the year.
Although I knew for quite awhile that I needed to quit drinking altogether (a few years of moderating has failed miserably) I was truly terrified about not drinking during the holidays. The parties! The celebrations! The family! But reading the experiences of folks who waited for a particular day convinced me that if I had waited, the day I become sober may never get here.
Being only 44 days into this, I need to come up with a plan that helps me to reorient my holidays away from alcohol, all why letting me feel festive and celebratory. Here is my plan so far. Any additional tips would be so appreciated.
Thanksgiving: Close friends have invited us this year.I have already told them I’m not drinking, which was a big one for me. I’m not sure if they know the extent to which I drank, but they are 100% in support of my choice not to,and as we speak, one of my friends is experimenting with all kinds of non-alcoholic beverages to tickle our taste buds with.
Holiday Parties: I won’t throw one this year. And I’ll be very thoughtful about whether I’ll go to any this year if alcohol is being served. If I know that the scene is going to be mainly drinking or I’m feeling particularly strong cravings that day, I just won’t go. And my partner and I have already discussed that if I feel like I need to leave, we will leave, no questions asked.
Decorate my house: I’ve gotten out of the habit of decorating the house for the holidays. We generally travel for a week to ten days to visit family, so I have convinced myself that I don’t need to do it. But I love coming home to a decorated house, and there are plenty of days between Thanksgiving and New Years to enjoy it. (Besides, the dogsitter can enjoy the decorations while we’re gone).
Baking: I love to bake, but I often don’t anymore because I tell myself that I don’t need the calories. (Interesting that that logic didn’t seem to be in play when I was drinking half a bottle of wine every night). This year, I’m going to indulge my love of baking and make some special treats to share with friends and loved one.
Gingerbread Houses: I am going to build gingerbread houses with my nephews, 4 and 6. Will give me a change to express my love of cooking and craft, and provide a chance to bond with them in a way that, due to frayed nerves, I probably couldn’t have done before sobriety.
Holiday Shopping: I love to shop for friends and family. I’m going to take a day off to do it this year so, peppermint mocha in hand, I can enjoy it and it isn’t a burden with me rushing around at the last minute.
White Christmas: It is my favorite movie of all time, and a sentimental favorite since my partner bought me a copy early in our relationship. We have already set aside a day to view with close friends, accompanied by a roaring fire, hot chocolate and brownies. Yum!
Family: They stress me out and that isn’t going to change. But I can change how I react to that. My partner and I have already talked about it, and we’ve decided if things get too crazy, we’ll excuse ourselves to go birdwatching. It is something that everyone knows we love to do, so it won’t call undue attention to our absence and is a great way to get out into the fresh air. And, I’ll pack my running shoes and have them at the ready. A good run on a crisp morning sets me up better than almost anything.
Christmas: We celebrate the holiday with a lot of eating and drinking. I’ll indulge in the eating and find some special drink substitutes that feel festive. (Right now I’m experimenting with blood orange Italian soda: yum). I also will give myself a few other indulgences that day, including maybe buying some new perfume that I’ve been wanting and waiting to wear it until Christmas or a new outfit I can’t wear until that day (kind of like what we did as kids during Easter).
SR: Check in here regularly and often, benefiting from the wisdom and support of this wonderful group.
Being only 44 days into this, I need to come up with a plan that helps me to reorient my holidays away from alcohol, all why letting me feel festive and celebratory. Here is my plan so far. Any additional tips would be so appreciated.
Thanksgiving: Close friends have invited us this year.I have already told them I’m not drinking, which was a big one for me. I’m not sure if they know the extent to which I drank, but they are 100% in support of my choice not to,and as we speak, one of my friends is experimenting with all kinds of non-alcoholic beverages to tickle our taste buds with.
Holiday Parties: I won’t throw one this year. And I’ll be very thoughtful about whether I’ll go to any this year if alcohol is being served. If I know that the scene is going to be mainly drinking or I’m feeling particularly strong cravings that day, I just won’t go. And my partner and I have already discussed that if I feel like I need to leave, we will leave, no questions asked.
Decorate my house: I’ve gotten out of the habit of decorating the house for the holidays. We generally travel for a week to ten days to visit family, so I have convinced myself that I don’t need to do it. But I love coming home to a decorated house, and there are plenty of days between Thanksgiving and New Years to enjoy it. (Besides, the dogsitter can enjoy the decorations while we’re gone).
Baking: I love to bake, but I often don’t anymore because I tell myself that I don’t need the calories. (Interesting that that logic didn’t seem to be in play when I was drinking half a bottle of wine every night). This year, I’m going to indulge my love of baking and make some special treats to share with friends and loved one.
Gingerbread Houses: I am going to build gingerbread houses with my nephews, 4 and 6. Will give me a change to express my love of cooking and craft, and provide a chance to bond with them in a way that, due to frayed nerves, I probably couldn’t have done before sobriety.
Holiday Shopping: I love to shop for friends and family. I’m going to take a day off to do it this year so, peppermint mocha in hand, I can enjoy it and it isn’t a burden with me rushing around at the last minute.
White Christmas: It is my favorite movie of all time, and a sentimental favorite since my partner bought me a copy early in our relationship. We have already set aside a day to view with close friends, accompanied by a roaring fire, hot chocolate and brownies. Yum!
Family: They stress me out and that isn’t going to change. But I can change how I react to that. My partner and I have already talked about it, and we’ve decided if things get too crazy, we’ll excuse ourselves to go birdwatching. It is something that everyone knows we love to do, so it won’t call undue attention to our absence and is a great way to get out into the fresh air. And, I’ll pack my running shoes and have them at the ready. A good run on a crisp morning sets me up better than almost anything.
Christmas: We celebrate the holiday with a lot of eating and drinking. I’ll indulge in the eating and find some special drink substitutes that feel festive. (Right now I’m experimenting with blood orange Italian soda: yum). I also will give myself a few other indulgences that day, including maybe buying some new perfume that I’ve been wanting and waiting to wear it until Christmas or a new outfit I can’t wear until that day (kind of like what we did as kids during Easter).
SR: Check in here regularly and often, benefiting from the wisdom and support of this wonderful group.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Wise of you to think things over now Matilda. My first holiday season I was too busy feeling deprived - and it was ridiculous, since I hadn't really enjoyed those drunken, foggy holidays for many years. I love your plans - very well done. 
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey matilda123-
I think this time of the year will be challenging to a lot of people as well. It sounds like you have a well thought out plan.
This part is key. It's been my experience that most of the parties that I use to attend aren't really very much fun anyhow, unless if you're drunk. Knowing this, I tend to avoid many of them.
Watching drunk folks when you're sober just does not do it for me. I wonder how the non-alkies do it? I mean even the conversations get old when it's just drunkish babble.
Good luck and stay the course, and I wish you well with your continued progress!
Lusher
I think this time of the year will be challenging to a lot of people as well. It sounds like you have a well thought out plan.
If I know that the scene is going to be mainly drinking or I’m feeling particularly strong cravings that day, I just won’t go. And my partner and I have already discussed that if I feel like I need to leave, we will leave, no questions asked.
Watching drunk folks when you're sober just does not do it for me. I wonder how the non-alkies do it? I mean even the conversations get old when it's just drunkish babble.
Good luck and stay the course, and I wish you well with your continued progress!
Lusher
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
What a wonderful plan! It incorporates all the meaningful and joyous parts of the holidays - friends, family, baking, cocoa, gifting, sparkling, dressing up, eating yummy food. It is a safe and cozy plan.
I am also looking forward to sober holidays. I was sober last year for the holiday season, and really enjoyed it. My favorite aspect of it was the long weekend in my little house in the woods, with snow falling outside, lights twinkling inside, cooking and sharing food and gifts. It was just perfect.
This year, I'm going to do Thanksgiving with friends from AA. Last year I did it with very good people who were not in recovery, and though I was able to say no to wine and none of them drank to excess, I had the whole "otherness" bit going on (I was also only about a month into sobriety).
The holidays can be a lovely time sober. Celebration can be wonderful sober. You are present and connecting, you have energy to do things like decorate or bake, and you can really appreciate the moments of the season - taking the whole day to shop, a fancy minty coffee...
Thanks for sharing your list. When we construct our sober life so that we are looking forward to things rather than dreading them, it makes all the difference in the world. A re-framing, the only thing that really works. I don't want to spend the holidays feeling left out of anything; I want this to be an incredible celebration of my lovely new growing life...
I am also looking forward to sober holidays. I was sober last year for the holiday season, and really enjoyed it. My favorite aspect of it was the long weekend in my little house in the woods, with snow falling outside, lights twinkling inside, cooking and sharing food and gifts. It was just perfect.
This year, I'm going to do Thanksgiving with friends from AA. Last year I did it with very good people who were not in recovery, and though I was able to say no to wine and none of them drank to excess, I had the whole "otherness" bit going on (I was also only about a month into sobriety).
The holidays can be a lovely time sober. Celebration can be wonderful sober. You are present and connecting, you have energy to do things like decorate or bake, and you can really appreciate the moments of the season - taking the whole day to shop, a fancy minty coffee...
Thanks for sharing your list. When we construct our sober life so that we are looking forward to things rather than dreading them, it makes all the difference in the world. A re-framing, the only thing that really works. I don't want to spend the holidays feeling left out of anything; I want this to be an incredible celebration of my lovely new growing life...
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 374
What a great list You have inspired me to do one as well, that I can look back on if/when cravings and attitudes get to the better of me. I think I am 44 days as well? maybe 45, I lost count. We can get through the holidays together! I did my Thanksgiving already (I'm Canadian) and that was much easier than I expected it to be. I was only a week sober, and the anticipation was worse than the actual.
You have inspired me to do one as well, that I can look back on if/when cravings and attitudes get to the better of me. I think I am 44 days as well? maybe 45, I lost count. We can get through the holidays together! I did my Thanksgiving already (I'm Canadian) and that was much easier than I expected it to be. I was only a week sober, and the anticipation was worse than the actual.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
Heartcore, so interesting what you said about the language of depravation. Before, I think it was my fear that I would be left out somehow if I didn't drink--that I would be missing out on the fun--that I focused on and probably accounts for why I failed. It sounds pollyannish, but it has made a huge difference this time that I'm focusing not on what I'm depriving myself of, but instead what I can give myself with the gift of sobriety. It is making me really see how I have not taken care of my needs, little and big. Good grief! No wonder I was drinking!!What a humbling and amazing journey this is!
One other thing to add to my list that I forgot about--work. I've already put folks on notice that the 8 days I'm gone I'm GONE.My administrative assistant will barricade the virtual door
Ellay, Happy Thanksgiving! I can't remember my exact day, but I think Tuesday was 42 days. I would welcome your support over the holidays and am here for you too!!
One other thing to add to my list that I forgot about--work. I've already put folks on notice that the 8 days I'm gone I'm GONE.My administrative assistant will barricade the virtual door
Ellay, Happy Thanksgiving! I can't remember my exact day, but I think Tuesday was 42 days. I would welcome your support over the holidays and am here for you too!!
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