Been lurking, now saying "Hi".
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Norway
Posts: 194
Been lurking, now saying "Hi".
I've been in and out of SR for several months while trying to decide whether or not to quit drinking. I've been drinking more or less daily the past 2.5 years, hating the hangovers, but being terrified of the lonely evenings.
I guess I started after a bad break-up (I was dumped, then we were on again off again for the next 2 years). I blamed him for my drinking problem, and haven't really been able to take responsibility until a few weeks ago. The past 2 years have been filled with bad decisions, including DUIs, spontaneous dating (never a good idea with heavy beer goggles), more surprise visits to my ex than I can count (he always let me in, but told me recently that he has considered selling his - ground floor, easy access - apartment and moving somewhere I wouldn't find him).
About a month ago I woke up a Sunday morning to find that I had booked plane tickets and a hotel room in New York for myself for 2 weeks this Christmas - not sure if I was thinking to do a "Leaving Las Vegas" or "It's a Wonderful Life". The trip is non-refundable (of course, drunk me knows I would have bailed otherwise).
I ended my drinking career this weekend, with a 6-pack and 8 bottles of wine. Had my last glass sometime during the early hours of Sunday, needless to say the rest of the day was terrible. Heart palpitations, sweating, shaking to the point where it was difficult to get to the kitchen or bathroom. Just a typical Sunday after a weekend of solitude.
Feeling a bit better today, have been trying to avoid co-workers (despite showering, I really smell like acetone I think). Spending my last half hour at work manning up to get a soda rather than a 6-pack on my way home.
Sooo... Now to get through day 2. Wish me Luck, I already feel like I know you, and you seem to root for every lost soul that wanders in here.
It's so obvious I'm an alcoholic... There, I said it.
I guess I started after a bad break-up (I was dumped, then we were on again off again for the next 2 years). I blamed him for my drinking problem, and haven't really been able to take responsibility until a few weeks ago. The past 2 years have been filled with bad decisions, including DUIs, spontaneous dating (never a good idea with heavy beer goggles), more surprise visits to my ex than I can count (he always let me in, but told me recently that he has considered selling his - ground floor, easy access - apartment and moving somewhere I wouldn't find him).
About a month ago I woke up a Sunday morning to find that I had booked plane tickets and a hotel room in New York for myself for 2 weeks this Christmas - not sure if I was thinking to do a "Leaving Las Vegas" or "It's a Wonderful Life". The trip is non-refundable (of course, drunk me knows I would have bailed otherwise).
I ended my drinking career this weekend, with a 6-pack and 8 bottles of wine. Had my last glass sometime during the early hours of Sunday, needless to say the rest of the day was terrible. Heart palpitations, sweating, shaking to the point where it was difficult to get to the kitchen or bathroom. Just a typical Sunday after a weekend of solitude.
Feeling a bit better today, have been trying to avoid co-workers (despite showering, I really smell like acetone I think). Spending my last half hour at work manning up to get a soda rather than a 6-pack on my way home.
Sooo... Now to get through day 2. Wish me Luck, I already feel like I know you, and you seem to root for every lost soul that wanders in here.
It's so obvious I'm an alcoholic... There, I said it.
I will NOT drink to that!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore MD USA
Posts: 634
Welcome! Now it's your turn to make yourself the best person you can be. Keep coming back for the support here, I have found it to be very comforting. If you are having a weak moment, talk to us.
You got past day 1, that's a great start!
You got past day 1, that's a great start!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 192
Hi right back, Stella. I very much enjoyed hearing about you. Thank you for sharing. 
Without a doubt, I find you to be both impressive and constructive. It seems like you're rationally taking stock of the negatives of engaging in drinking, which is great.
My personal addiction experience is not with alcohol, but I believe that I closely understand the fear of what seems like sobriety's inevitable resulting loneliness. In what you describe, it seems like alcohol is an incredibly powerful force in your life. It is the same with me with my addiction. For practically every single moment of every day I am either thinking about or trying to force myself to stop thinking about the source of my addiction. The threat of emptiness that results from that not being present was and is terrifying, but I'm honestly making it through, and I know that you can too. I really do believe that.
I'd root for you if you were lost, but I don't think you are. I think that you're strong, and I think that you're smart. I'm rooting for you still.
Without a doubt, I find you to be both impressive and constructive. It seems like you're rationally taking stock of the negatives of engaging in drinking, which is great.My personal addiction experience is not with alcohol, but I believe that I closely understand the fear of what seems like sobriety's inevitable resulting loneliness. In what you describe, it seems like alcohol is an incredibly powerful force in your life. It is the same with me with my addiction. For practically every single moment of every day I am either thinking about or trying to force myself to stop thinking about the source of my addiction. The threat of emptiness that results from that not being present was and is terrifying, but I'm honestly making it through, and I know that you can too. I really do believe that.
I'd root for you if you were lost, but I don't think you are. I think that you're strong, and I think that you're smart. I'm rooting for you still.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Stellllaaaaaaaa! Ever seen that play/movie?
"I ended my drinking career this weekend..."
Good for you. Someone is here 24/7/365 to help you make that permanent. Welcome to the lifeboat. Grab an oar and row.
"I ended my drinking career this weekend..."
Good for you. Someone is here 24/7/365 to help you make that permanent. Welcome to the lifeboat. Grab an oar and row.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Welcome Stella. I was heavily drunk one night when I received an email from an old friend to invite me to his wedding. The next morning, I checked my email, saw it and knew I couldn't go because it was a destination wedding in Barbados for a week which I couldn't afford.
Then underneath that email, I saw a confirmation email from Air Canada for a flight for 2 to Barbados as well as a confirmation for a weeks stay at a resort. $5000 total, all paid for with Mastercard which already had a massive debt on it. I booked a weeks vacation for 2 and had no recollection.
I can relate to your trip to New York booked in a blackout. Madness. No surprise I was bankrupt two years later.
Then underneath that email, I saw a confirmation email from Air Canada for a flight for 2 to Barbados as well as a confirmation for a weeks stay at a resort. $5000 total, all paid for with Mastercard which already had a massive debt on it. I booked a weeks vacation for 2 and had no recollection.
I can relate to your trip to New York booked in a blackout. Madness. No surprise I was bankrupt two years later.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome Stella! I'm glad you joined us. You'll find lots of support and useful info here.
You've made a smart decision to stop drinking. It's hard at first but it does get easier the longer you're sober.
I'm glad you joined us. You'll find lots of support and useful info here. You've made a smart decision to stop drinking. It's hard at first but it does get easier the longer you're sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Norway
Posts: 194
Wow. Thank you all for the warm welcome. I'm a bit curious, Wastinglife, did you go..? I'm currently planning my trip, but know that while I was booking the hotel and plane I probably planned on being drunk the whole time (no fan of Christmas). I'm a very sociable drunk, so no qualms. Now, however, I'm a bit ambivalent. I know I planned on this trip being my big "reboot", thinking it could maybe spark some joy or something in me. Lately I feel like the days are gray and endless, and I know that's the alcohol talking.
While stumbling through this forum, I actually feel rather blessed. I know I haven't been drinking for very long compared to many of you, and I still remember my "pre-alcohol" days. I used to binge eat though, so I guess there's always been some kind of dependency, but eating didn't really take away my joy for life, like alcohol has.
I'm glad I have a busy week ahead, mostly with non-alcoholic activities (apart from a dinner with work, but I'll be driving anyway). The weekend though..! It's kind of looming ahead of me. No family or (non-drinking)friends to turn to, so I may need some advice. I know I need to have something planned.
While stumbling through this forum, I actually feel rather blessed. I know I haven't been drinking for very long compared to many of you, and I still remember my "pre-alcohol" days. I used to binge eat though, so I guess there's always been some kind of dependency, but eating didn't really take away my joy for life, like alcohol has.
I'm glad I have a busy week ahead, mostly with non-alcoholic activities (apart from a dinner with work, but I'll be driving anyway). The weekend though..! It's kind of looming ahead of me. No family or (non-drinking)friends to turn to, so I may need some advice. I know I need to have something planned.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Norway
Posts: 194
I'm feeling really optimistic now, thanks to you guys. 
I know how my days go though:
Day 1 (typically Sunday): Hungover, no need to drink (shaking, so probably not even possible without personal assistant and a straw)
Day 2: Starting to feel better (apart from stinking and sweaty hands)
Day 3: Tuesday = movie club (everyone has 1 beer, I skip the movie and have several)
Day 4: Messed up yesterday, so might as well go to beer club quiz night...
Day 5: I'll try again Sunday, just need to get through the week...
Good to be aware of the usual suspects, will not fall into trap this week.
I know how my days go though:
Day 1 (typically Sunday): Hungover, no need to drink (shaking, so probably not even possible without personal assistant and a straw)
Day 2: Starting to feel better (apart from stinking and sweaty hands)
Day 3: Tuesday = movie club (everyone has 1 beer, I skip the movie and have several)
Day 4: Messed up yesterday, so might as well go to beer club quiz night...
Day 5: I'll try again Sunday, just need to get through the week...
Good to be aware of the usual suspects, will not fall into trap this week.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Yes, I went. My girlfriend at the time came with me and I knew the family hosting the wedding and a bunch of other people going. The thing no else knew was that I was an alcoholic, not just a 'party animal' anymore and I already had $20,000 in credit debt. This was 2008 and drinking vodka had become a daily thing at night home alone.
I drank all day for 7 days straight (all inclusive resort). It was paradise for an alcoholic because everyone else was pretty much drinking all day too and it was all already paid for so other people had no clue how much you drank.
My drinking got worse after that trip. Re-think it.
I drank all day for 7 days straight (all inclusive resort). It was paradise for an alcoholic because everyone else was pretty much drinking all day too and it was all already paid for so other people had no clue how much you drank.
My drinking got worse after that trip. Re-think it.
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