I think I know what you mean
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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I think I know what you mean
So many people keep talking to me about "have you accepted you can never drink again?" and I always respond, very honestly "yes" I really have thought that way.
But as time goes by and I fight my relapses I feel something shifting. My last relapse last weekend was particularly devastating for me. I was just so crushed that I had gone and done it again.
This weekend something felt different. I took a weekend off from my "sobriety obsession" and just lived, soberly for two days. I went to dinner last night at my favorite sushi place. I of course remembered how much I liked a nice glass (ok bottle) of white wine with sushi in the past. But last night I felt a different feeling of acceptance that it wasn't an option and I was really ok with that. I didn't feel angry or jealous or sad. Hard to explain it, but it did feel different.
I think for me, giving up wine really has been like leaving a toxic lover. It is just taking time and the further I go on the easier it is becoming.
I don't want to speak out of turn and say I feel perfect just yet, I am sure there will be other occasions more challenging, but I'm getting there.
The weekend off was nice, but I got through it sober on momentum. It is time to get back to SR and my new addition, the online AA meetings. I know I'm not out of the woods yet.
But as time goes by and I fight my relapses I feel something shifting. My last relapse last weekend was particularly devastating for me. I was just so crushed that I had gone and done it again.
This weekend something felt different. I took a weekend off from my "sobriety obsession" and just lived, soberly for two days. I went to dinner last night at my favorite sushi place. I of course remembered how much I liked a nice glass (ok bottle) of white wine with sushi in the past. But last night I felt a different feeling of acceptance that it wasn't an option and I was really ok with that. I didn't feel angry or jealous or sad. Hard to explain it, but it did feel different.
I think for me, giving up wine really has been like leaving a toxic lover. It is just taking time and the further I go on the easier it is becoming.
I don't want to speak out of turn and say I feel perfect just yet, I am sure there will be other occasions more challenging, but I'm getting there.
The weekend off was nice, but I got through it sober on momentum. It is time to get back to SR and my new addition, the online AA meetings. I know I'm not out of the woods yet.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 585
Nice post Mera. I know exactly what you mean. it's almost like there is a "shift" in that I believe sooner or later we just get fed up of the intoxicated lifestyle. That enough is finally enough.
"Hearts" stated something on my post a few days ago, that said something to the effect (paraphrasing) that once you get a taste of sobriety it is so sweet. It really is. At some point the sobriety starts to outweigh the vicious cycle of alcohol and all its negative effects.
Keep pushing forward Mera. I know you have this. Have a great day!
"Hearts" stated something on my post a few days ago, that said something to the effect (paraphrasing) that once you get a taste of sobriety it is so sweet. It really is. At some point the sobriety starts to outweigh the vicious cycle of alcohol and all its negative effects.
Keep pushing forward Mera. I know you have this. Have a great day!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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MV, I think I know what you mean. You're not over-thinking it, but just know drinking's not an option. It's much more relaxing once you reach that level, but be careful because one slip will put you back into the 'huge effort' stage.
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Good post. Yes, there are times in sobriety where it's easier than others. I'm not yet at 5 months and have had a rough patch..not some much with a desire to drink but sometimes the emotional avalanche gets too much..sometimes you just want "OFF" the sober coaster. I lost my sobriety at 4 months last year because I don't think I gave enough respect to what I might be experiencing in the first year (heck maybe 2 years and beyond).
Last night I was reading an article that says if you kill yourself before hitting 5 years sober..you're killing the wrong person. That gave me some odd food for thought.
Nevertheless..don't want to be a downer. I'm glad you're in a strong, sober headspace.
Last night I was reading an article that says if you kill yourself before hitting 5 years sober..you're killing the wrong person. That gave me some odd food for thought.
Nevertheless..don't want to be a downer. I'm glad you're in a strong, sober headspace.
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Join Date: May 2012
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Glad to hear it Mera, that's definitely progress.
In some ways I take inspiration in my acceptance of alcoholism from my son's allergy ( peanuts ). He accepts the reality that he cannot eat peanuts or he will get very sick. He doesn't obsess about having "just a handful" or have "triggers" associated with his desire for peanuts. He simply doesn't eat them because he knows that he can't. And he doesn't care why, he just doesn't do it.
In some ways I take inspiration in my acceptance of alcoholism from my son's allergy ( peanuts ). He accepts the reality that he cannot eat peanuts or he will get very sick. He doesn't obsess about having "just a handful" or have "triggers" associated with his desire for peanuts. He simply doesn't eat them because he knows that he can't. And he doesn't care why, he just doesn't do it.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
...feeling of acceptance that it wasn't an option and I was really ok with that.
I think what you've mentioned in the above quote is pretty much where I'm at as well. We just need to create a life where alcohol is not an option, and know deep down that it really isn't an option. I mean with no compromises and no questions.
I think when we try and question our own strengths by just having a couple of drinks 'like normal people,' believing that we've somehow cracked the code to alcoholism, then that's where we begin to decline.
Just easier to say that you're a sober person and live that way - 100% of the time.
PS-
(I just took note of ScottFromWI's reply. Well said in every respect!)
Last edited by Lusher; 11-10-2014 at 12:42 PM. Reason: PS
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
I went to dinner last night at my favorite sushi place. I of course remembered how much I liked a nice glass (ok bottle) of white wine with sushi in the past. But last night I felt a different feeling of acceptance that it wasn't an option and I was really ok with that.
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Sounds like the necessary "shift" Mera 
Good for you. For some, the one-day-at-a-time perspective works really well, and that's great. But for me, I think it really helped me cement things for myself by shifting at some point in that first year of sobriety, from short-term to longer term with the larger goal of a lifestyle change in mind.
Good for you. For some, the one-day-at-a-time perspective works really well, and that's great. But for me, I think it really helped me cement things for myself by shifting at some point in that first year of sobriety, from short-term to longer term with the larger goal of a lifestyle change in mind.
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