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Old 11-09-2014, 07:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Hi! It's time...


I have been reading this forum on and off for a while now; wondering whether to join, wondering whether to post...

I have been a heavy drinker since around twenty. For the last eighteen years, alcohol has been my main social outlet and I have consumed it in quantity- any excuse really...

Into my thirties, the hangovers have gotten worse as has the anxiety, the guilt, the regret and the remorse. I binge drink but I am also habitual- a few beers at home quite frequently as well as big nights out semi-regularly.

I work, I function, I partake of regular rigorous exercise, I maintain healthy relationships yet I know alcohol is doing me more harm than good. The niggling voice in the back of my head that tells me I should quit has gotten louder in recent years...

The hardest thing is that sometimes I still enjoy alcohol and at other times, it is the bane of my existence. My mental health suffers as does my physical health.

I want to quit but I seem to have little to no will power and I return time and time again to the booze. I have moderate periods but I know overall, that moderation is probably not going to work for me as the 'big sessions' inevitably roll around again and again.

Last night was the straw that may have broken this boozer's back- beers out with a friend then tequilas and gin back at his place then a total loss of memory (don't even remember how I got home- a cab evidently... )

Today is a bit of a horror show- anxiety and nausea abound. The day is wasted and I'm shattered.

I've had to come here, I think I need to be here. I'm hoping today can be the first day of something new and better. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get there as my AV is one of the sneakiest and most persuasive around.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 11-09-2014, 07:28 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome! You don't have to ever have this "horror show" again.
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Old 11-09-2014, 07:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Oh the blackouts. So familiar. I am glad you got home safely. Welcome!
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Old 11-09-2014, 07:34 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome onlysomuch. You found a great place to talk things over.

I felt the same as you when I was in my 30's. I'd been drinking heavily for 10 yrs. and it was taking it's toll. As you've probably heard, alcoholism is a progressive disease. I was on my way to disaster, but refused to admit it. Drank through my 40's too - you can imagine the path of destruction. I finally came to SR, completely broken and dependent on alcohol to get through the day. It wasn't even fun any more, just a habit that I was enslaved by. I found the courage to change by being here - a place I can be honest with myself and others. It feels wonderful to be free. You've done a great thing for yourself by joining us. Keep reading and posting.
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Old 11-09-2014, 07:37 PM   #5 (permalink)
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So much is familiar in this.....

I am ten months sober and so glad of it.

42 years old... I am starting my life over in so many ways.

I'm glad to be free of the wheel of madness and not headed ever-further down that dark road.

I hope this is your turning point away from it as well.
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Old 11-09-2014, 07:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR onlysomuchwine

no matter how sneaky or devious your AV is, if you remember that drinking is not an option anymore, it'll have no sway with you

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Old 11-09-2014, 07:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome, sounds like were are of similar age. I've been sober 10 months. Last binge resulted in a black-out and and 30 staples in my head from a fall. The anxiety and shame that my drinking brought the next day only made me drink more. Didn't realize that drinking was causing it until I broke the cycle and sobered up.
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Old 11-09-2014, 08:05 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome. SR has a bunch of folks with a wealth of wisdom they share. Read. Post. Learn. Live
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Kind of liking this sobriety thing.
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Old 11-09-2014, 08:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome.
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Old 11-09-2014, 08:20 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanks guys- it's such a relief to know that their is a a group of friendly, supportive and like minded people here to help each other!.

I'm lucky to have a loving wife who will also help me through this. Fortunately for her (and for me in many ways), she is a very grounded, centered person.

Sometimes, however, it is good to converse with people who've been there and know the addictive mind and how it troubles us so.

I am going to make an appointment with a doctor tomorrow to discuss my options- a little confronting for me as I feel a tad ashamed about speaking to someone face to face but hey, I gotta make the move...

Look forward to checking in again soon.
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Old 11-09-2014, 08:42 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I'm glad to hear you're going to your doctor to discuss your options. Please don't take this as medical advice for you, but I will say that Librium helped me ALOT in that it completely took away my anxiety and cravings during the initial withdrawal phase. I wish you safety and strength on your path of recovery.
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Old 11-09-2014, 08:50 PM   #12 (permalink)
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It's admirable you're tackling this one head on. Great stuff!
Good luck with your doctor tomorrow.
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Old 11-09-2014, 08:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome !! Sounds like we're all here in the right place. Good luck to you !! MJM
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Old 11-09-2014, 09:24 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome. 30+ years of heavy drinking for me. Lots of blackouts and embarrassing situations. Through it all I maintained pretty well. Until I didn't. I finally managed to screw everything up big and was forced to make the decision to either live straight or die drunk and alone. Two years and although life still happens, its so much better with a clear head. Finally getting to discover who I really am.

Going to your doctor is a great start. Be honest about your consumption when talking to him/her. I lied the 1st time I tried to come clean and it didn't help the situation.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
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Old 11-09-2014, 10:27 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Blessings to you and your family, enjoy the path that you have chosen to embark on, and good luck.
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