New and needing to vent a bit
 

Hi, do I even belong here? I'm not in recovery, and not sure that I can completely stop drinking.

I seem to always find myself in the same situation- saying that I'd like to not get drunk anymore and then end up getting drunk, and dealing with the consequences. The hangover, lost time, poor mental state, etc.

I find it hard not to rely on alcohol. I do care about my health, but I feel this particular drug works for me in some ways. It calms my anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed, and loneliness. It helps with the symptoms I have from schizoaffective disorder (meds don't work). I'm a musician/songwriter, and that lifestyle along with feelings of vulnerability can be a challenge to deal with without drinking.

Does anyone here ever feel like you're stuck? Like you want to be able to control your drinking and/or make some changes, but there are solid reasons that make you keep drinking? It's really hard to go more than 3 or 4 days without binging and knocking down the mind to a place where things slow down and I can hide for a while. It's kind of a painful cycle.

Thanks.

If I could control my drinking I would. That's why I don't drink. Welcome and I am glad you found us

I understand what you're saying, as there was no doubt I was selfmedicating as well, stress and anxiety mainly.
There was a time I believed alcohol actually allowed me to achieve things I normally wouldn't have. Today I believe this is a lie, as I only see alcohol taking things away from my life.
There are other ways to "deal".
For me, exercise is really, really big. It helps my brain and body in a far more sustainable way. Drinking always catches up to you, no matter how good you get at it. Also, make no mistake, your challenges are not unique. It was easy for me to be narcissistic to the point of ignoring others valuable experience and advice.

SR is brilliant for the opportunity to learn from others who have "been there".

I spent a long time trying to cut back and trying to drink like other people. The number of times I set out with the intent to just have a couple... I couldn't even tell you.

At a point I had to realize that I'm simply not wired that way. I can't have one or two, at least not consistently. I have to have more. So, now I have none and I don't miss it.

Weirdly enough, I've been having allergy problems and last night was bad enough to take a Benadryl. Today I am awake but I'm slow and I feel heavy.... A lot like my hangovers felt similar to this and I can say with 100% seriousness that I do not miss drinking or this feeling.

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Alcohol worked for me for the same reasons you have outlined in your post -- until it stopped working and started taking things away. My world got really small, in fact, it was just me and a bottle. The Steps of AA, commitment, dedication, and a boat load of changes have completely changed my world. I no longer need the crutch of alcohol to deal with life's problems.

Welcome! This is a great place to get information, meet new friends, and create a supportive community!

Jwalker

Welcome to the family. :)

Hi Welcome to SR rso

I didn't have much of problem until my mid-20's, working full-time, and using alcohol to relax alone as well as to socialize. But the hangovers were killer and and I just couldn't resist drinking when I got off work.

The problems added up quickly. A DUI, reckless spending, black-outs, work problems etc. Still the worst part of drinking for me was having to wake up the next day and work as you are miserable and on the verge of a panic attack. Took me years to break the cycle and by the end I was severely depressed, overweight, and unemployed.

Welcome! I definitely relate to your post. I was always an every 3 to 4 day (bar) drinker. The consequences started piling up and it got to the point where I looked in the mirror one day and said "why the heck am I doing this? This isn't even fun! This is a NIGHTMARE!" It was actually very depressing at the end. I was on that drinking merry-go-round for a long time.

Now I am staying sober one day at a time with the use of this website (SR) and AA. So far so good & I'm starting to feel better.

I'm constantly plugged into some sort of recovery tool these days. I don't want to go back to drinking. It became absolutely miserable and that was motivation for change.

Hang in there! If you want to quit drinking and change your life...you can! :-)

Thank you for your responses, I appreciate it.

I don't think that there is anyone that is an alcoholic that does not understand exactly what you are talking about.

Welcome!

Whatever you do Rso, stick around with us. There are plenty of reminders here of why to choose sobriety, and many inspiring stories from others who can totally relate. Once it turns into a love/hate relationship with alcohol, it's the beginning of the end. Which end you choose is in your hands.

Esrlyriser

Welcome! Please stick around. I found SR 5 days ago when I woke up shaky and sweaty with a horrible hangover. I haven't touched a drop since, and I plan on keeping it that way. A lot of us relate to your post, including me. I hope you keep posting here!

Yeah. Feeling like it was the only way there is for me specifically to cope, I relate to that. Hoping I'm wrong and on Day 6 :)

I can't answer if you belong here, but you are very welcome to post and read here.

I can say your thread speaks of things everyone here has felt or learned from others. Pull up a chair and read some threads. If nothing else Rso, your posts will be read, felt, and understood by all of us. There are a lot of nice people here who will share their experience and give you any support they can, myself included.

When I first came to SR I wasn't convinced that I wanted to quit drinking entirely either. I think it was Dee that challenged me to give sobriety a fair shot, so that I would have a fair comparison to drinking versus sobriety. Even though drinking had been a big part of my adult life (27 years!), I first decided to just try sobriety for a few months, which in the scheme of things is nothing compared to 27 years! Well, I started liking sobriety so much that I just kept going and now at over a year and one month sober, I can tell you that I have absolutely no desire to go back to the drinking life. So, I challenge you to give sobriety a three month try. If you don't like it, you can always go back to drinking . . .

Glad to meet you Rso. I was still drinking when I came to SR. I was thankful to find a place where I could talk things over with people who really understood.

I tried for decades to control the amounts I drank. I didn't want to have to let go of it - it had once been fun, and a way to escape. I hated to have to admit I no longer knew what would happen once I took that first sip. My life turned into a nightmare because I refused to acknowledge that I was completely dependent on it. Being here helped me see what needed to be done - and I finally found the courage to let go. Happy to have you here.

I felt like that for years, Rso. I wish I had decided to quit drinking and live a sober life years ago, at least when I first came to SR. There was absolutely no gain in continuing to drink, but there is a tremendous amount of benefits in being sober.

Yep.... This!