walkerjok

I've been an alcoholic for 12 years. Last March and April, with the help of an out-patient program, I finally kicked the worst of my alcoholism habit. Since April, I have managed to stay sober up to 6 weeks at a time, but most often, at 5 to 14 days, I give in to my urges to drink. This creates problems with the spouse, in part because I continue to try and hide my drinking from her.

I continue to attend 2 or 3 AA meetings a week. Living in a rural area, I have limited options and I am unconvinced that the meetings are particularly helpful. Also, living in a rural area, mental health options are also limited. I mention mental health options as depression, irritability, moodiness, etc are certainly common. I have little doubt that alcohol became a way to self-medicate some of these issues.

I am going to start reading this forum more often for ideas, but I would appreciate any suggestions on what my next step should be.

ANewDayNYC

Have you tried meditation or exercise - both have helped me improve my mood

Ruby2

Welcome to posting. I saw you have a March 2014 join date. I've found it helpful to actively post in addition to reading here for support and some accountability. I also go to AA meetings and the only thing I can suggest is that you get out what you put in. They aren't a cure but I'm sure you know that. I like the interaction with people who understand the problem.

Welcome to the forum.

Coldfusion

I spend a lot of time reading and posting here at SoberRecovery. I originally joined for answers to questions I had about AA, but I still view AA as an essential part of my recovery despite my misgivings.

Dee74

Hi and welcome walkerjok

I think ultimately, if you have underlying mental health issues, you need to get those looked at...but nonetheless, support definitely helps

great to have you join us

D

Notimetoloose

Hi Welcome, I was the same way, at one stage I had five months up and then drank because I was really happy......
I had so many 2ish weeks and would cave. Lots of one months as well....all the time wanting to quit permanently, wanting to put an end to the seemingly endless madness of my drinking...

In the secular section here on this site there is a section on AVRT and RR, this is what really helped me...it taught me about talking to my AV ( addictive voice)...It taught me about doing what I wanted and not what my addictive voice wanted to do...drink!

Also what Ruby said, talk and share how you are feeling. Contribute and invest in your recovery really does go along way to help.

Another thing is 'HALT' (hungry, angry, lonely, tired.) Try and avoid these if at all possible. Easier said than done but we can be aware of them and take a second to address those feelings.

thekl0wn

You might also talk to a few of the people at the AA meetings to see if there's any better meetings in the area. I know around here there are a few of the meetings that do more for me than others. Much of the time, it's because of scheduling and the people that are present.

walkerjok

The trick with other meetings is driving to adjacent towns. With young children (and a very understanding wife), more time spent driving might be useful, or might not. It's worth a try.

I have considered meditation to deal with some of the anger/irritability issues. I really don't know where to start in that direction.

Looking around the AVRT looked interesting - I'm fortunately well beyond the crazed cravings that I had when I went through physical withdrawal. I no longer am using every spare moment of the day (sober or not) planning where to buy alcohol. The craving is very different and a far smaller craving. I am convinced this is mostly just a psychological barrie and it is frustrating that I give in to these small cravings.

There was a guy in group therapy who had been sober for 13 years (he was in therapy for non-addiction reasons) and for him the intense desire not to let himself down kept him sober every day. He knew he would hate himself and that was enough. I wish that were enough motivation for me.

I wish that disappointment with lying to my wife were enough motivation, but it apparently isn't. It's frustrating trying to find the right key to solve this. In the meantime, 8th day sober at the moment, so that is good.

thekl0wn

While I'm happy that method worked for someone else, I can assure you it wouldn't for me. It might work for a few days, maybe even weeks, and possibly a month or two. However, my brain would outsmart itself and justify it once again... I'd start into the seclusion and sneaking drinks. I have 20+ years of experience doing it.

I view driving to adjacent towns as "networking". I do it for business ventures, so why shouldn't I do it for recovery? Heck, I'm "networked" in several states now just through random AA meetings.