Lesson Learned
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 550
I've felt this way before also coffee. I once posted about how many days I had not drank verses how many I had an felt proud for my progress. The thing is, hopefully you don't fall into a baby steps pattern of allowing a free pass here and there if abstinence is your goal. We all know where that leads, just read around. Just remain vigilant and put you first and avoid these situation the best you can. Glad you're back here with us.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
The only thing that I think I can add is perspective. Before I stopped drinking, I made many attempts but didn't change other things. Still hung with my same friends, had the same rituals, etc. but I always ended up drinking. My friends weren't sober and neither were our activities. They may not have been about drinking, that wasn't the point of them, but they always involved drinking to some degree. Now that I am sober, I do a lot.
I'm actually busier now than I was when I was drinking, so I am not hiding away. But I am doing different things and with sober people. I can be around alcohol, I have to for work (clients love to drink!) but I only go for that reason and have an escape route.
I do hope that whatever the lesson in this was will help you.
I'm actually busier now than I was when I was drinking, so I am not hiding away. But I am doing different things and with sober people. I can be around alcohol, I have to for work (clients love to drink!) but I only go for that reason and have an escape route.
I do hope that whatever the lesson in this was will help you.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Nuudawn 
Did you? Yes...many of us do choose to "miss" gatherings or avoid certain situations in early sobriety because we realize we are perhaps not quite solid enough on our legs yet to MAINTAIN sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Did you? Yes...many of us do choose to "miss" gatherings or avoid certain situations in early sobriety because we realize we are perhaps not quite solid enough on our legs yet to MAINTAIN sobriety...
It's awesome that you did have some sober experiences on your hunting trip...but please at a mere few weeks sober...and with a hangover...
Perhaps "go easy" on addressing comments to the group about what can and cannot be achieve in early sobriety...
We need to check in with ourselves all the time about what we can and cannot handle...
Sorry to be harsh..but I dunno...the "many of you miss gatherings" b.s burns my butt as it's sounding a little holier than thou...with a hangover.
It's awesome that you did have some sober experiences on your hunting trip...but please at a mere few weeks sober...and with a hangover...
Perhaps "go easy" on addressing comments to the group about what can and cannot be achieve in early sobriety...
We need to check in with ourselves all the time about what we can and cannot handle...
Sorry to be harsh..but I dunno...the "many of you miss gatherings" b.s burns my butt as it's sounding a little holier than thou...with a hangover.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Coffeenotbooze
I think most of you are missing the point. I didn't go to a Halloween party, a bar or a wedding social. I new quite well what I was getting myself into. Next years trip is already planned. Being around other drinkers isn't why I drank. If I could manage 7 days I could have done 8...instead I chose to drink...just like everyone else when there back on day 1.
The point is pretty clear.
Rationalizations always seem airtight until we look back on them someday. You might print this one out for your own reference. I'm willing to bet it will be clearer to you down the line.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
coffee,
yeah, there are some who "miss out" on some gatherings because they decide to do without the gathering for now.
and maybe some of us are missing your point.
hm...what YOU are missing out on is continuous sobriety.
and what was your point, exactly? that you learned you can be around booze without drinking it?
yep, i can see you can make it look that way convincingly to yourself. stuck it out seven days. that then you drank is a point worth concentrating on. one many of us aren't missing but you seem to not attach a lot of importance to.
the numbers game of 20 out of 21 being pretty good is indeed so if pretty good is good enough for you. if you want sobriety, drinking again isn't good enough.
so i'm curious why you "chose"? seems insane to me, but maybe i'm missing the point there, too?
if you chose because the thinking was that since you had twenty days you had now proven beyond any doubt that you can do this sobriety-thing no sweat, then can you see the falsity of the argument?
what is it that you want? are you clear on that?
yeah, there are some who "miss out" on some gatherings because they decide to do without the gathering for now.
and maybe some of us are missing your point.
hm...what YOU are missing out on is continuous sobriety.
and what was your point, exactly? that you learned you can be around booze without drinking it?
yep, i can see you can make it look that way convincingly to yourself. stuck it out seven days. that then you drank is a point worth concentrating on. one many of us aren't missing but you seem to not attach a lot of importance to.
the numbers game of 20 out of 21 being pretty good is indeed so if pretty good is good enough for you. if you want sobriety, drinking again isn't good enough.
so i'm curious why you "chose"? seems insane to me, but maybe i'm missing the point there, too?
if you chose because the thinking was that since you had twenty days you had now proven beyond any doubt that you can do this sobriety-thing no sweat, then can you see the falsity of the argument?
what is it that you want? are you clear on that?
Thankful for this community
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
This is a tough one, as I can absolutely see not missing a trip that's so important in favour of holing up and hiding from the beer. I also appreciate taking ownership of the decision to drink...hell, I did the same thing on Halloween, drinking the one time since I started this journey a couple of months back.
Still, that "one time" taught me something. For me...I slip too easily back into it. I felt terrible for days after. I have decided, for me, and based on my Halloween "test" that I will heed the advice of my sober elders and don't play with fire. I just feel too good.
I do understand what you're saying. Please be careful.
Still, that "one time" taught me something. For me...I slip too easily back into it. I felt terrible for days after. I have decided, for me, and based on my Halloween "test" that I will heed the advice of my sober elders and don't play with fire. I just feel too good.
I do understand what you're saying. Please be careful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Allentown,pa
Posts: 396
You sound very defensive like we're going to yell at you, we're not here to put you down we're trying to help you succeed.
The only reason people suggest you miss out on a event were you know drinking was going to be apart of it, is that fact that you were so early in sobriety.
I don't miss out on life I been to wedding, parties and sporting events and remained sober. But I also chose to miss I few things because It would be to hard not to drink.
I stopped failing when I check my ego at the door and stopped letting excuses get in the way.
With that said I know you can get into the swing of thing and I'm rooting for you.
The only reason people suggest you miss out on a event were you know drinking was going to be apart of it, is that fact that you were so early in sobriety.
I don't miss out on life I been to wedding, parties and sporting events and remained sober. But I also chose to miss I few things because It would be to hard not to drink.
I stopped failing when I check my ego at the door and stopped letting excuses get in the way.
With that said I know you can get into the swing of thing and I'm rooting for you.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Hi coffee,
You chose to drink because you have not yet ended your addiction to alcohol. Once you do end it, you will not "choose" to drink again. That will not be an option any longer. It will become an odd thing to decide. Something you would not entertain for more than a fleeting moment. At that time you will see how being around alcohol may cause the addicted side of you to stir a bit, but YOU will not flinch.
You can get there if you really want to.
You chose to drink because you have not yet ended your addiction to alcohol. Once you do end it, you will not "choose" to drink again. That will not be an option any longer. It will become an odd thing to decide. Something you would not entertain for more than a fleeting moment. At that time you will see how being around alcohol may cause the addicted side of you to stir a bit, but YOU will not flinch.
You can get there if you really want to.
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