LordsLady

Hello... I'm nervous, but here ... 8 months sober, and joined to be around ESH. My sponsor resigned today - saying she'd never seen anyone recover who did not go to a lot of meetings. I did 90/90; then 4 months of 5 or so a week - still some 2xs a day. She didn't give a definition of "a lot" - nor did I ask.

I am in a good, spiritually-growing place. I am working very hard to love me some days, but I now have a better job, improved primary relationships, back in church and eating / exercising; reaching out to healthy friends, AND not drinking. I now attend 1-3 a week, according to where my head is, and obligations. If I'm feeling anxious about this whole thing called life, program FIRST above all else.

She said she'd only believe that if I attended more meetings.

I read the boards about "how many meetings is enough," and joined. I hid in a bottle to avoid being told about my failings. I'm sad she excused herself, but also relieved.

I'm an infant in the self-esteem arena; I know this. Does it sound like I'm following a good program for me? I believe that I am. I'm sober - emotionally (mostly) and physically as well - thank you God. Thanks for listening - nice to be here, in fellowship.

Anna

It sounds strange that she resigned because she thinks you are not going to enough meetings, but she must see that you are doing well?

I don't use AA , but I have found balance to be the key for my recovery. I knew that from the start. It sounds like you have created a good balance in your life. You have a good job, good primary relationships, exercise, and going to meetings. Follow your heart.

courage2

I did a lot like you in terms of meetings -- 90 & 90, then not-quite-daily, now 2-3 per week unless I feel off-kilter (then more). When trying to squeeze in time for a meeting makes me anxious and keeps me from focusing on important obligations in my sober life outside AA, I don't go. I put my sobriety first but not AA, if that makes sense.

I did decide that it's important to me to try my darnedest to get through all the steps. If you want to do the steps but don't have a sponsor, one thing you can do is attend a step meeting regularly. It's not the same as working the steps with a sponsor, but I know people with longterm sobriety who didn't do the steps with a sponsor until 5-8 years in the program.

The #1 is don't drink. Otherwise, if meetings have helped you in the past, keep going to them, even if sometimes they seem less helpful. So far, I've never dropped a tool that's helped me. I don't take refuge in ice cream very often any more, but I keep some in my freezer

Also, if you're not very active in AA right now, this might be a good time to increase your participation on SR. SR has great support -- daily support, chat support, social groups -- and is a great community to help you through questions, problems, and celebrations in recovery!

Thomasthetank

Some people in AA can be very set in their ways. They mean well but sometimes they don't get that something working for them might not work for someone else, it least in my experience. To me it sounds like you're doing great, we're all unique people, we can't be expected to all follow the same path. 1 meeting, 100 meetings, no meetings, whatever works.

EndGameNYC

"Ninety in ninety" is one of the many watered-down parts of the AA program, and probably comes from where a lot of well meaning but unhelpful (and even harmful) modifications of AA come from...the rehab and outpatient treatment industry. Nothing in the AA Big Book mentions anything about that number except for page 90, 190, 290, 390...And nothing about going to a lot of meetings as a solution to alcoholism. Nothing about going to a meeting when you have cravings either. Nothing about "doubling up" your meetings when the going gets tough. And that awful slogan..."Meeting-makers make it!" No. They don't. Meeting-makers make meetings.

I've known people who've dedicated their lives to AA, spend their surplus time at meetings, sponsoring people, getting involved in the administration side of things...most who I've known do so because they're terrified of either drinking again, or terrified of living life outside of AA. Or both. A couple told me that they do it because they believe they've found their niche in life.

I don't know anything about your relationship with your sponsor, but if you're staying sober and living a productive life, then you must be doing something right.

XIIIXXIXXVI

I agree with Thomasthetank. I haven't included AA or sponsorship as part of my recovery at all and I'm doing great. I also know of people who rely on it heavily and they're doing great. What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for the next. It's unfortunate she tried to make an entire generalization about your recovery just based on how many meetings you attend, but I truly believe in everything happening for a reason. Maybe you will look back later on and it'll all make sense. In the meantime, stay positive and stay evolving. You will get through whatever you believe you can. Welcome to SR.

Bri

desypete

i went 15 years without an aa meeting and didnt drink and built up a good life for my and my family

the only problem was i picked up the drink again and in 8 short years i had lost everything, kids ended up in social services care as nither me nor my ex wife were fit anymore to look after our kids thanks to how the drink progressed
i ended up losing my business and all my money, i even went to prison with my drunkeness
i ended up in a flat that was given to me by a housing chairty that helps people who have nothing

all i have left was a drink problem my cider to keep me company

can you imagine when i went back to aa only this time i had nothing left and to see many of the people who were still there all those years on they were still sober and there lives had not ended up like mine

they kept going back to aa and never let go sure they might only do a few meetings a week these days but there still there not so much for them but to help the new comers

sadly many people come to aa get well and then leave they dont want to help new comers that side of things they leave to others yet they do give great speeches on how the steps work though even though they clearly never work a step 12 just 1 - 11

thats the only reason i still go to aa after 10 years not because i am scared of life but because i have to be there for the new comer as if we all go away from aa who on earth would of been there for when you or i first needed it ?

as for your sponsor giving up on you because you dont do the meetings well that is just not on i wouldnt force anyone to do anything in aa ever if you dont want to go thats fine by me we dont own anyone and i think your sponsoer will have to look at themselves over that one as really she or he should just be there for you if and when you need it not put a condition on it that you have to attend meetings

i love aa and firmly belive in the meetings but i wouldnt ram them down peoples throats its not the aa way

MIRecovery

My best thinking almost killed me so I have learned to put my faith and life into the hands of people with long term sobriety that I trust. I do not always like their advice but I am 5+ years sober following their advice. Hard to argue with results

FreeOwl

You don't need anyone to answer that question for you.... because you answered it yourself.

One follow up question though; are you working the steps?

SoberLife90

It sounds like you are doing a great job. The first year of my recovery I didn't go to AA more than 5 times total...lately I've been trying to go to 2 per week. I felt since I was doing so good in my recovery maybe I should pay it forward. That being said just do whatever works for YOU. Like someone said some people in AA are hard set on believing certain ways work. I have a strong understanding that I am an alcoholic and will never be able to drink in moderation, I have a HP, and a huge support group and I feel like I have one of the strongest recovery plans possible. Good luck, you can always get a new sponsor. The only person that can make you drink is you, and 1 will lead to many.

SoberLife90

Oh yeah I don't go to a lot of AA but I work those steps everyday. Those steps guidelines to a honest, sober life.

Hereandnow2

I struggle with this too! I am five months sober and go to one meeting a week. I know I should be going to more than that and need to make time for it. I read the bug book, meet with my sponsor , and am on here. I am ok with where I am but if I struggle I will def be attending more meetings.

VikingGF

I'm an AVRT girl and it's working wonders for me. AA is not the only way, and from what I have seen on this site, people use AA as they need. I can't speak to how many meetings but I can say that your post sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what YOU need. Congrats on 8 months!!

sugarbear1

my sponsor had me commit to a specific number of meetings a week and to check my motives for attending more or less. Keeping a commitment is not our greatest strength.....

It's about a relationship with a power greater than ourselves and working those steps to obtain and to improve that relationship....not the number of meetings.....

sending you love and hugs!

Rina

OMG! I was going to start a thread regarding the same issue I'm having with my sponsor. I am almost six months sober and my sponsor is pressuring me-I'm mean "encouraging" me to attend 5 meetings s week. Which I literally cannot. I am going to 3 because of a job that I was recently contracted to do. I am in therapy and attending church and this job is saving me from losing everything but she insists that I need to go to meetings every day and that should be the most important thing in my life. I'm finally feeling balanced and like I have a handle on my future and to have my sponsor constantly harping on me about this is causing me a lot of undue stress. I never have cravings and I want to work the steps but I am feeling hounded instead of supported. I feel like I'm letting her down all of the time. I know the true test will be a year from now when I'm not so apt to remember the horrific feelings I had while drinking but I can relate to how you must be feeling relieved.

FeenixxRising

Hi Lords, well done on 8 months.

IMO, in the long run, you will be better better off without her as a sponsor. If it were me in this position, I would take a nice deep breath, recommit to spiritual growth and choose another sponsor who would be a better fit. A sponsor is supposed to guide you in working the Steps, she shouldn't be your mother, your boss or your taskmaster. IMO, your previous sponsor overstepped her boundaries somewhat.

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

RumHound

Members attend an average of 2.6 meetings per week, according to AA.

hope22

Your doing great and congratulations on 8 months. I had a similar experience and found another sponsor.

CaseyW

Just wanted to say thanks for posting this, especially that second sentence. It really clicked for me and I feel like I can apply it in a lot of areas in my life. Thanks!

courage2