Tough 30 Days
 

Hi,
I am new here and to the program. I just celebrated my 30 days and I am having a hard time keeping myself together. My story in a nutshell is my wife finally had enough of my routine, she packed up the kids and left. This hasn't come to divorce yet but it is definatly teetering on the edge. To complicate matters more we are in the middle of building a new house together. I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone that this is seriously messing with my recovery. The worst part about this is the realization that our marriage splitting up was my fault. For a long time I've only known how to be either angry or high,and either way I was mentally abusive to my family. I am thoroughly apalled and ashamed for the way I have treated my family for years and can't seen to stop beating myself up over this, I'm not sure I deserve to stop beating myself up.
Does anyone have any suggestions on a good way to handle this? It is driving me crazy and I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I want so much to stay clean and sober, but lately I've been thinking about using more and more.

Help!!!!

welcome jarhead
 

Congradulations on your 30 days that is quiet an accomplishment . We all have pasts due to our drinking and drugging .Its what we do with the past that matters.If we dont learn from it we are destined to repeat it .We cant change the past no matter how much we wish we could .I have really learned the value in staying in the now and living one day at a time .Have faith keep doin what you are doing and things will work out the way they are supposto > I am pullin for you ! Prayers ^ Trish

I like all of the above except the last phrase.
We absolutely must stop beating ourselves up.
How the heck to we recover if we don't?
You sound like an honest and intelligent man. We all arrive in the recovery zone from different directions, and with different emotional suitcases right?
You have a month of sober time. Affirm that accomplishment to yourself. Use it as a stepping stone towards working a recovery program in all of your daily affairs. And most importantly, work at accepting the things you can't change. All you have is yourself at the moment. Work on forgiving yourself. Your family will take care of what they have to take care of. All you can do is become a better man for you. And as recovery progresses, we learn to act in such ways that we become a living amends.
Concern yourself with that which you can control.
You, in all the glory and grace that you deserve.
One day at a time.
Welcome.

Congrats on 30 days! That is an accomplishment! If you pick up it will get worse, not only mentally but physically. Whatever chance of saving your marriage will go out the door. You have to stop beating yourself up. Things will work out how they are suppose to. Like Dan said, use your 30 days as a stepping stone. You are bettering yourself. I would recommend going to an AA meeting and getting a sponsor if you don't have one already. Keep coming back!

Thanks
 

I want to thank you guys for your support and encouragement. It's nice to know I don't have to feel alone when I can't get to a meeting right away. I just want to feel good about myself and feel good in general. I guess I shouldn't complain, I haven't felt anything in years and now I have a whole list of emotions to sort through. Thanks again and rest assured I will be around for a long time.

Hello Jarhead. I am a little late, but I wanted to take a moment to say "Welcome." You have come to a great place. I recently had an old-timer tell me, "Early in sobriety, you're supposed to feel like sh*t. If you don't you're probably doing something wrong." I didn't like to hear it, but it was, in a lot of ways, true. I do have to remember, though, that no matter how bad I may feel now, it is nothing compared to the last months (years?) I was using and drinking. It will get better.

Hang in there and remember to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME!!

Also, going to as many meetings as humanly possible really helped me a lot. (In my first 90 days I averaged 8-9 meetings a week!)

Hello everyone

Hi dell, and welcome!
Can I suggest you start a thread and share a bit about yourself?
In the Newcomer Forum, where you see the list of all the threads, click the "New Thread" button and type away!
Glad you're here:biglaugh:

Hi forks....Hang in there and focus on yourself and not using. I also have 31 days and use this site as my major source of recovery support. check out some of the other forums as they are so full of wisdom and knowledge about addiction and alcohlism. Welcome and grarts on your clearn time...randa

Hi, Jarhead Im feeling your pain Mon. will be my 30th day. I just left my home in New Jersey and am trying to start over in Florida were I grew up. I left behind my 15yr.old daughter, 11yr.old son and boyfriend(whom was my partner in crime and is now in rehab in NJ). Leaving them behind has been by far the hardest thing Ive ever done, but I was worthless to them the way I was living my life the last year&half. Ive had many failed attemps at staying clean (detox,rehabs etc.) but refuse to stop trying. This is my longest sober time and the only thing so far keeping me clean is my faith in God and my children. I can relate to the serious gut wrenching guilt u r feeling but we can only go forward. My mom gives me little inspirational quotes to lift my spirits and give me motivation so thought I'd share with u:
"Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom."

" A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her."

Best of luck and stay strong.

All of you are awesome...I'm struggling on my second day. SR is the only support I'm getting...but it's enough to keep me focused. I have a lot of siblings and they all drink and drug so I'm in for a long fight. All I can do is take it one step at a time. I'm so very thankful my teenage boys have more sense than I did at their age. I feel like I'm all alone in this...but it could be worse. Have a great day!
peace2u

Hi peace2u im new at this 2. Keep up the good work :arms:. I have 2 sisters and 4 brothers and all but 2 of them use so i can relate. Stay focused for your children, mine are what keep me going. My daughter is 15 and I remember what i was getting into at 15 so im thankful to God she is on the right path so far, despite the example i have been setting, but we remain close and have a very open relationship. Have a good day.

Jarhead, it is probably very difficult for your wife right now as she is very scared and probably dosnt understand. Before I became an addict I had to deal with my father, ex-boyfriends addicts and beleive me, it was ugly and I was petrified. She is also putting both your children first.

Keep up the good work with your 30 days and counting and let time takes its course. Time is what you have right now so use it to your advantage.

(((((((((((JARHEAD))))))))))))
30 Days!!!!!!! AWESOME!!!!!! Im coming up on 60 days and let me tell ya--It gets better!!!! Take it easy and keep it in the day--moment if you have to!!! Hang in there. :hug:
Ann :240:

Hi Jarhead,

Welcome and congrats on 30 days. Here's to 30 more days of sobriety!!!

Talia

Belated welcome Jarhead! Congratulations on 30 day's, that's about the time, the emotional roller coaster, the "I hate myself" mode kicked in. Keep working your program, if you have a sponsor, stay close, and keep telling yourself your doing the right thing. I felt the same as you about the relationship thing, but though I was the huge factor, I wasn't the only one! *hugs and hang in there* I promise, it will get better, if your truly ready.

How you doing Jarhead? Haven't seen you around for awhile. :nono: